Dad moved in 2 years ago. Mom died almost 3 years ago. She did all the finances for the house and business. I took over his finances then slowly turned it back to him (sink or swim). He finally was able to get a handle on things. Pay his insurance and car expenses and entertainment. The problem is he is about $200 short each month due to his now getting out and being social. He joined a church and now is going on weekly lunches. I want him to be social but every time I turn around he is going out to dinner and lunch. It is a double edge sword. I wanted him to be social it is good for all of us but at the end of the month he is coming to me for money. He was pretty good about paying me back. Its not that I don't have it but at the end of the year I get tight on money myself (I own my own business), Between him and my kids I cant afford the dollar and hundred (nickle and dime is no more). I pay all the house expenses food etc... He was like this with mom, he would over spend then she would call me crying and there was many times I fronted them money (not paid back much but that was OK). All he has is SSI which is enough to cover his insurance and regular expenses. My sibling covered his $6000 car repair last year and also covers his smart phone. I had to front the latest car repair. It is almost like he doesn't care and its fine to ask me for a couple hundred expecting me to have it in my pocket (OK I do but that is for me). Do I go over a budget with him and tell him he has only so much a month for entertainment? I did that when he moved in. Now it is dinners and lunches out (I am not talking fast food here). I can't track all his expenses online he has taken to using cash from the ATM ( I set him up online and have all access to his accounts). I don't want to stifle his activities lord knows I want him to get out of the house but it was like this with him all along trying to keep up with the Jones's. They would go on trips and cruises and vacations and live in huge houses and buy new cars lavish on the grandchildren all while declaring bankruptcy twice. This is the reason I don't spend lavishly and due in part to my wife who grew up in an immigrant household where money was to be saved. He is not aware that I watch his spending, he just got his check and he is a like a sailor on leave...... This is worse than having kids again!
And you can be social without breaking the bank. He can still go and have something cheaper on the menu (I'll just have an appetizer - I'm watching my weight)...so he doesn't have to spend so much to be social. Or soft drinks instead of wine or a cocktail.
You're being a soft touch, not harsh at all! So set some limits with dad and stick to them. Good luck!
I would think someone in the family should have POA and manage his finances, he obviously cannot do it any more. You could do on-line banking so he can see what is going on, but I wouldn't give him the password. I would just tell him, that he can't afford to over spend any more. He needs to start saving his money, because he may need it. What if his health fails and you can no longer care for him.
Sorry, about this but you will just have to take charge - its never easy. Having a family meeting with your other siblings and your father may be helpful.
I dont' at all think you're being harsh. If he runs out of money, he'll probably expect you to pitch in.
I a hinting at getting him to visit my sister but I have my doubts he will do that.
Sounds like Dad isn't going to save for those "rainy days"... maybe stress to Dad that down the road if he needs a higher level of care, it could cost him $5k a month, so he better start saving. Or Dad might think, might as well party now in case there is no tomorrow.... [sigh].
If Dad is going to act like a kid who has no concept of money, then he needs to be treated like a kid. Time to take away the credit cards, checkbooks, saving account books, and give Dad an allowance. No more ATM machines.
That allowance will cover everything for the month.... show him a budget [if he is willing to listen and not have his eyes glaze over]. Therefore if he needs car repairs, then he will need to give up something else to help pay for it. No more you or other relatives bailing him out.
I think you know, don't you, that your father doesn't have a handle on spending. He can keep it up for a while to impress you with how responsible he's being, but as soon as he thinks you're not watching he'll be paying his 1. entertainment 2. car expenses and 3. oh dear not enough for insurance...
You're looking at a tough love scenario, I'm very much afraid: you have this much money this week/month. Run out? Too bad.
Get your sister on board and thrash out a good, structured budget for him that you both agree on, because it's going to be miserable enough without added vagueness or anybody "cheating"; but hey. Why the heck should you make all the sacrifices, just to perpetuate his terrible lifelong spending habit?
And who's he treating, by the way? Maybe remind him that real friends don't need to be impressed.