How do I deal with the anger from my Mother over taking away her drivers license?

Appease your mom by telling her that when she has her Dr.'s appointment you two will let the Dr. decide if she can continue driving (knowing that the Dr. will most likely say no). Make the Dr. the bad guy.

Your mom's had a lot of change in a short period of time. Going through that kind of change plus having Alzheimer's is very difficult on your mom. I think she'll settle down and you'll get into a routine. You didn't say how long it's been since she's moved in but I would imagine the upheaval has been difficult for your mom. You're stressed, she's stressed. And your mom's reasoning skills and capability to handle stress is probably affected by the Alzheimer's.

Just let a routine happen organically. Don't try to force one. Relax. You're capable of adapting and trying new things, your mom may not be. This is still new to her. You've done the right thing in getting her in to see a neurologist, getting her under a Dr.'s care.

My brother turned my mom into the DMV - they sent a letter to her saying if she could pass an eye test and get a letter from her dr saying she could drive - then she could keep her license. To my amazement the dr okay'd her. A couple months later she had a new dr so I called her and she did notify the DMV that my mom shouldnt be driving. The DMV sent another letter saying her license was suspended pending her passing the written and the behind the wheel test. Mom was pis*ed off out of her mind! To get her to quit carrying on about it I told her I would help her pass the written, drive her to the tests - but she would still have to pass the behind the wheel. Mind you we were paying $400 a month for insurance at this time - she had been dropped by a previous carrier because of her many accidents - which never involved another car (thank goodness) she just ran into things! Anyhow - I took her four times to take the written- she finally passed. I took her three times to do the behind the wheel - she finally have up at this point. When I made the deal with her I KNEW she would never pass the actual driving part BUT now when she starts bit*ching about not having a car - I get a pass on her rath on this one -I was "supportive". Maybe - if times allows - you could try something like this?

Hi Vickie, have you ever been a caregiver before? And how familiar are you with Alzheimer's? If this is your first time and Alz. is new to you, please read EVERYTHING you can about this disease and all of us here on this site are here to help you. It is very hard to care for a person with Alz. they often become paranoid and accuse their family or other caregivers of stealing from them. Many go through a very aggressive stage where they may hit you, berate you and even drive you to tears. This truly is not them but the simply awful disease that they have. As the disease progresses you cannot reason with them as that part of them will be gone and once a skill is gone it will not come back. It usually starts out small like not being able to handle their money, to need to be in diapers, have someone feed them and eventually do everything for them. Sad to say but losing the right to drive is only the first step of many to come. My blessings to you, Lindaz.

Good for you for having the bottle to take her keys, Vicky. It's not a nice thing to have to do, but if you'd seen the scene I saw when I was waiting in my car in heavy traffic, and an elderly lady came out of a house, got in her car, and drove straight down the steep driveway into the side of the car directly in front of me - there was a massive BANG and then it felt as though a total hush had descended on rush hour in North London as we all gazed wide-eyed at the dent; followed by quite a little hullabaloo as the lady's daughter and son in law flew out of the house in pursuit, clearly having just realised where she'd disappeared to…

Anyway, at least you'll be spared that, or worse. Meanwhile, respond to your mother's anger with sorrow and kind words. And be ready and able to take her anywhere she wants to go: do your best never to be too busy, at least for the time being.

Did you bargain for this kind of thing when you moved your mother? You're a brave girl to be keeping her at home. Don't be afraid to think again.

Guess I'm still wondering about a doctor who would ok a person with Alz/dementia to drive????

The move itself often pushes the Alzheimer patient into a deeper phase. She needs anxiolytics until you can get some test results. Please call the MD and ask for a temporary Rx.

Hey Linda - if you mean my mom - this was three years ago and at that point her symptoms were much milder and she was good at holding it together long enough to pass the basic tests her PCP would occasionally give her - you know "who is president?" "I'm going to give you three words to remember..." No - the actual issue at the time was she was abusing oxycodone! Yikes!!!

Thanks everyone for your responses.
Yes I am very new at this. She was across the country and I knew things were getting worse but had know ideal how far. In some ways I feel I have brought this on just by getting her to move here. She has been with me for about two and a half months now. I took the keys away after she decided to take the car out while I was at work and got lost for six hours. I had the doctor back me up telling her it was dangerous for her to drive, but she forgets this and gets mad at me for doing so.
I contacted a non-profit yesterday and am going to see if I can get someone to spend time with her a couple of days a week. She says she is going stir crazy in the house even though myself and husband are here every weekend and evening.

I wouldn't say *you* have brought it on, but yes I'm sure the upheaval will have been unsettling for her: it's a very radical change to go from her familiar environment to a new place where she presumably can't maintain anything much of the whole daily routine she was used to; and of course, ironically, the dementia that was the reason for moving her also makes it more difficult for her to adjust. What choice did you have, though? You couldn't very well leave her to it. I'm just sorry you're having these teething troubles.

It's good that you're looking for back-up so early on. I, and I know many other people too, spent far too long trying to deal with everything and it rapidly gets overwhelming. With luck your local organisations will be able to suggest plenty of activities and support for her and things will soon be going much more smoothly. But to repeat, start forming an idea in your own mind of what might mean 'enough is enough' and research your options.

Thanks country mouse I know at some point that will have to be answer. I will keep researching.