I need reinforcement, how do you deal with the nasty emotionally abusive elder games, ploys of a moderate dementia parent?

Madeaa, can your Mom go into a memory care unit? Do you have other siblings who can help?

You need to sit down with your Mom and tell her to stop it. Learn to walk away. Ignore her nasty attacks. You could also begin to take videos/pictures of her eating to document that she is in fact eating.

She is acting mean, but I wonder if she is really afraid. Ask her doctor to give her something for anxiety and see if that helps. Her behavior sounds downright whacko, to use a scientific term. Or like a three year old.

Her behavior hurts you, because she is your mother. Can you look at her as if she were a stranger? In that case, you would be able to let her remarks bounce off you.

If I were in your situation, I think I would try medicating her, and if that didn't work, placing her in a NH. It doesn't do you any good to hate her, as anyone would in your position, and it doesn't do her any good to act so hatefully. If medication doesn't help, try very hard to get her out of your house.

I pray for peace for you and your Mom... do see if the doctor can prescribe some meds for her.

This is hard...now occasionally they get worse when they are having some medical issue such as a urinary tract infection, if you can get a medical checkup for things like that it might be of help to get back closer to baseline.

My mom is acting the same way. She now lives with my sister, but my sister needs respite plus she needs to go back to work part time in a couple of months. She is trying out having a caregiver come in for a few hours three days a week after my mom totally rebelled at going to a senior recreation center for two days a week. She is still rebelling at having the caregiver there, she hung up on me the other day when I told her to be nice, and she even remembered doing it. She won't eat if the caregiver is there, and if she loses any more weight, she will be put in hospice and get feeding tubes. We've tried telling her all this, and that also she will not be put into a nursing home if she complies. It's like talking Chinese to her because she is totally resistant, even to having her diaper not changed. I really would like to know how to handle this too; otherwise, she will end up killing herself by starving, and we won't be able to do anything about it.

Praying for you, dear one. My mom goes back and forth...nasty...nice. EVERYTHING is MY fault...including the weather, on bad days. I am her savior and hero on good ones. Hang in there girl.

Do you practice mediation? . Where you concentrate on your breathing, and just let your thoughts drift? It will help keep you sane. it lowers your stress, and helps keep you calm and centered.

Somethings the shrink taught me. Disengage, step back, stop trying to make an impossible situation better. Instead embrace the craziness, set realistic goals, such as keeping her safe and warm. You can't make her sane again. You can't wave a magic wand and make her thirty again. Stop beating yourself up.

I am tired, if this sounds harsh, it is not my intention. In this situation, you have the power. She needs you; not the other way around. Emotional blackmail only works, if you give in to it. Try this next time. do this with humor. give her a hug; look her right in the eye next time she blackmails you into submitting with threats of neglect, and say " okay" then walk away. You can't change her, but you can change your response to her manipulations.

Can you take an "Alice in Wonderland" approach to the problem, detached amusement at the craziness, or maybe Dorothy's approach in "Wizard of Oz" awestruck wonder " people come and go so quickly here." You've been transported to another world. Maybe humming 'follow the yellow brick road" to yourself to make you laugh, and step back from the craziness.

I am worried about you. From your posts you sound at the breaking point. Dementia is uncurable. One person can't do this alone. Have you thought about putting her in a nursing home?

I would really look into medication if I were you, Madeaa... we started my mom on an anti-anxiety medication about two weeks ago and she's doing better than she has in years. She's consistently more relaxed, less obsessive and much happier which in turn makes me so much saner! I know medication is not always the answer, but it's certainly worth looking into if you can.

Thanks too Patti...I know when she was in respite for two months they used Seroquel to calm her down, but I will only resort as a last resort, I don't want to dull her and allow her to have her good times when she is feeling well.

it can be some other infection too, but the frequent urinating might be something
my mom would get them with no real complaint of pain on urination either! she would also get crazy when she had a cellulitis (skin/soft tissue infection)