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Dad wears Depends day and night but wont pee in the toilet. His Depends get filled and he has wet clothes and furniture. When we remind him he says he already went or I do use the toilet. We try to make it routine like before meals but he says I dont have to go, He refuses to change his Depends during the day. It's often difficult to get him to change them before bed. He wakes with wet clothes and bedding. (we do use bed pads to save the mattress). Any suggestions?

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There might not be anything that can be done.... it could be that your Dad doesn't feel the pressure of needing to urinate so he doesn't know when it happens.

Yes, try a routine, usually after a meal, not prior. When in the bathroom run the water in the sink as that sound will make some people go.

Changing the Depends is a challenge for the much older generation that was raised during the Great Depression. They don't want to toss out a Depends until it it fully used.... [sigh].

Limit Dad's water in the evening to only at supper time, have him take his night time meds then. Then have him use the toilet just before going to bed.

Buy "disposable blue sheets" to use on chairs. You can buy seconds which are a lot cheaper then first quality.
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How often we attribute behavior to willfulness, whether in the elderly, those with dementia or to very young children. When those for whom we care do not follow our wishes, do not meet our expectations of their behavior, it is the adult who has to modify-not the ill or young person. At least with the young, there is a chance, unless there is a medical or intellectual challenge, that they will learn to comply with time and patience on our part.
With the elderly, compliance may happen sporadically. Expect nothing. Buy more Depends and be kind.When the people with dementia have a lucid moment they are heartbroken at their lack of control of so many things in their lives.
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My Mom was having difficulty urinating. She would go for hours without urinating and would then wet
her diaper. In reading her medication side effects, I found this was a serious side effect of namenda. Since she is off that medication she goes more frequently. I usually take her to the bathroom an hour after meals and she sometimes sits for 15 minutes before she goes. I also get her up around 11 p.m and although her diaper is wet in the morning it is not enough to wet the bed. In addition the company that supplies the diapers gave her a brand called premium over night tranquility, and I use two of them. My mom is not mean but often acts like a stuborn 3 year old. I now realize, I am now the mother and must enforce the rules, with kindness and determination.
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Also on his bed use those washable bed padding. They claim to have 300 washes before they are no longer absorbent. I don't think that is really the case but I use a paper disposable a cloth absorb ant washable one and actually have three layers. I also have plastic pillow covers underneath the pillow case to protect it.
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It is not going to happen! Be resigned that before we die, we revert to diapers and lost our toilet training skills. Have patience with him/her in their methods; you can't retrain, only suggest. Hugs to you.
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Take him to the bathroom about 1 hour after meals. Have him sit on the toilet, NOT stand. Play music he likes, make him comfortable & feel safe while sitting while on the toilet. Don't rush him to finish d/t elderly men have can have a hard time getting the stream started. If he reads, let him read while on toilet. If he's safe, give him privacy by stepping just outside the door. Make sure he voids/attempts to void before he goes to sleep, or leaves the house. If he doesn't want to go, then say "There's a rule that EVERYONE goes to the bathroom before naps, bedtime, leaving house, ..." . If still problem, say "Here, let me go first, then it will be your turn...".
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Puthatknifeaway, you are spot on!
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I think there is truth to the replies given even though they vary. In some, they may not realize they are wetting. Others, medications like lasix may increase the need to void. Some can not make it to the bathroom quickly enough - physically unable to move fast enough - mentally unable to judge the level of urgency. Some may just think it's okay to use a diaper as a replacement for a toilet. Others are using the situation as a means of control - they have so little control of their daily lives, by God - they won't be told what to do and will urinate how and when they damn well feel like it. As Putthatknifeaway more or less said, it's up to us to make the call on what's causing the problem and then work to find a solution or at least find tools and/or methods and routines that will lessen the negitive consequences of this issue.
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Along with all the good advice be aware that sometimes it is difficult for a parent to deal with these issues with their child. If dementia is a factor than all you can do is encourage him to go to the bathroom at regualr intervals and be patient. This is another loss of control for your dad and each loss is significant to them. If you do not have a caregiver helping it may be a good idea to have someone in the healthcare field approach this with your dad. You may not need soemone on a regular basis but maybe a nurse can step in and halep get the ball rolling. Best of luck. This is a difficult issue. Keep furniture protected and go with the flow (no pun intended).
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Questions come to mind: What does his doctor say? Is dementia a factor? Blessings to your family for a positive outcome to this challenge.
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