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Dad wears Depends day and night but wont pee in the toilet. His Depends get filled and he has wet clothes and furniture. When we remind him he says he already went or I do use the toilet. We try to make it routine like before meals but he says I dont have to go, He refuses to change his Depends during the day. It's often difficult to get him to change them before bed. He wakes with wet clothes and bedding. (we do use bed pads to save the mattress). Any suggestions?

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Some elders get confused. Consider that they have reverted to babyhood. Thus, they pee in their diaper.
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The above is the way. But if by some chance that doesn't work then purchase tens pads and put them I the diaper before he gets ahold of them. At least then the urine is absorbed in the tens and away from his skin. I think they are made for women but who cares. Not really sure about that. He will notice it needs to be changed when it gets filled he won't be able to walk without noticing the heaviness.
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Since reminding, suggesting, asking, etc, isn't working, then I might try the approach that a facility would use. They would likely take the lead on the matter, so that instead of asking, you say, it's time to go and change the undergarment and escort him to the bathroom and let him sit and see if he can go. If not, a new disposable undergarment is put on him.

You might suggest that you have an interesting story about one of his favorite topics on the way to get him changed. Not giving the option or accepting his excuses is key. If he says, he's already changed, then, say okay, but this new one is better and we need the better one right now. Always keep talking to take the focus on it going your way and not his, though, he doesn't realize this.

This kind of thing can be very time consuming and exhaustive, but after a certain point, the dementia patient can't take the lead, make the decision or be left to handle their own hygiene. Eventually, you can't just accept their answers and let it ride. That's why sometimes, the care is too much and a facility or outside help is needed.
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OMG!! sometimes people are in stages that you CANNOT do anything about it!!! ugh! my dad hates to take a bath...so he doesn't! good luck with this one!!
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A TV in the bathroom could help. It may take the pressure off until his stream starts.
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Joanne29, i think the point of two depends is just to have the next one in place. You remove inner wet one and the outer ome is in position ready to go. As long as you can do this with out taking clothes off.
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My mom is in nursing home and alot of the time she doesnt even realize she is wet i am thankful she is in such a great place they check about every two hours and three at night she was abused and neglected by my sister so i think she was just used to sitting in filth. God Bless be patient take a deep breath you are strong and you know you are doing the best you can
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I agree with so many posts about incontinence. My mom (92) has been using Depends for over 15 years. Expensive little suckers, aren't they?
She has learned two tricks over the years. First, when going out, she puts on two. That way, in a public restroom, she can just rip the wet one off and she is set for the rest of the day if she has an accident again.
The second trick we have is there is a way to get the depends on without taking off the pants at all. You put the right side in and pull over the shoe and under the pants. Pull the pad all the way up. Then take the other side and pull it down through the left pants, around the other shoe and pull back up. it is a little challenging, but WELL WORTH the effort of changing a depends without taking off the shoes and pants to put a new one on. (Also works great with pull ups for little kids!)

Hope this helps!

Kate
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I aasked in an earlier question if this were a possibility if one were to have a man wear Depends and I was assured by cwillie that it was an uninformed care giver who might think this would happen. I am so glad to see this post. OMG, I am not glad you are having the problem, I am just so glad that you shared! (sour grapes I know.)
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I agree. I find with Mom I have to tell her to pee. She has had an incontinence problem for years. Still seems to be able to hold #1 but problem with #2. Most of the time I don't think she knows she has had a little accident. Is always surprised. I've been told by my daughter this will get worse and Mom will have no ability to hold anything. Your brain controls all body functions when it can no longer send the appropriate signals full incontinence happens. Your Dad is 96. Hi body is just shutting down. See if he will drink Insure or Boost. Make it really cold. Maybe in the freezer for a while to thicken up like a milk shake.
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Question...How can u use two diapers when the outside is lined with plastic? How does the wetness get to the outer diaper. I use pads so I done have to change the pantie all the time and nothing goes thru to the Depend.
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Along with all the good advice be aware that sometimes it is difficult for a parent to deal with these issues with their child. If dementia is a factor than all you can do is encourage him to go to the bathroom at regualr intervals and be patient. This is another loss of control for your dad and each loss is significant to them. If you do not have a caregiver helping it may be a good idea to have someone in the healthcare field approach this with your dad. You may not need soemone on a regular basis but maybe a nurse can step in and halep get the ball rolling. Best of luck. This is a difficult issue. Keep furniture protected and go with the flow (no pun intended).
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I think there is truth to the replies given even though they vary. In some, they may not realize they are wetting. Others, medications like lasix may increase the need to void. Some can not make it to the bathroom quickly enough - physically unable to move fast enough - mentally unable to judge the level of urgency. Some may just think it's okay to use a diaper as a replacement for a toilet. Others are using the situation as a means of control - they have so little control of their daily lives, by God - they won't be told what to do and will urinate how and when they damn well feel like it. As Putthatknifeaway more or less said, it's up to us to make the call on what's causing the problem and then work to find a solution or at least find tools and/or methods and routines that will lessen the negitive consequences of this issue.
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Puthatknifeaway, you are spot on!
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How often we attribute behavior to willfulness, whether in the elderly, those with dementia or to very young children. When those for whom we care do not follow our wishes, do not meet our expectations of their behavior, it is the adult who has to modify-not the ill or young person. At least with the young, there is a chance, unless there is a medical or intellectual challenge, that they will learn to comply with time and patience on our part.
With the elderly, compliance may happen sporadically. Expect nothing. Buy more Depends and be kind.When the people with dementia have a lucid moment they are heartbroken at their lack of control of so many things in their lives.
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I have learned to give them their time on toilet (long time). Also half way thru meal he has to go to pee. Sometimes he just went & says have to p [p or pee. Ok so his timing is not my timing so we go by his timing. We must always remember to pee before we go someplace. Haven't gotten to depends yet but time will tell. Has anyone gotten UTI from wet depends?
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Questions come to mind: What does his doctor say? Is dementia a factor? Blessings to your family for a positive outcome to this challenge.
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My Mom was having difficulty urinating. She would go for hours without urinating and would then wet
her diaper. In reading her medication side effects, I found this was a serious side effect of namenda. Since she is off that medication she goes more frequently. I usually take her to the bathroom an hour after meals and she sometimes sits for 15 minutes before she goes. I also get her up around 11 p.m and although her diaper is wet in the morning it is not enough to wet the bed. In addition the company that supplies the diapers gave her a brand called premium over night tranquility, and I use two of them. My mom is not mean but often acts like a stuborn 3 year old. I now realize, I am now the mother and must enforce the rules, with kindness and determination.
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Take him to the bathroom about 1 hour after meals. Have him sit on the toilet, NOT stand. Play music he likes, make him comfortable & feel safe while sitting while on the toilet. Don't rush him to finish d/t elderly men have can have a hard time getting the stream started. If he reads, let him read while on toilet. If he's safe, give him privacy by stepping just outside the door. Make sure he voids/attempts to void before he goes to sleep, or leaves the house. If he doesn't want to go, then say "There's a rule that EVERYONE goes to the bathroom before naps, bedtime, leaving house, ..." . If still problem, say "Here, let me go first, then it will be your turn...".
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I'm having the exact same problem with my dad. Our Aids are exasperated and dad has gotten even more belligerent. The other night at dinner, he waited for the Aid to come down to dinner with mom and drank three full glasses of water and then saluted her in an act of defiance.

In talking with another friend, who's a psychotherapist I explained that dad's loosing weight and doesn't eat much at meal times. He was always a large man (never fat but physically large averaging around 220). He's now about 197, losing muscle tone, in addition. She suggested that some of the issue might be due to nutritional challenges. Does anyone have a thought on this? Dad will be 96 in July and I want to help him enjoy and love life as much as possible.
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It is not going to happen! Be resigned that before we die, we revert to diapers and lost our toilet training skills. Have patience with him/her in their methods; you can't retrain, only suggest. Hugs to you.
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Also on his bed use those washable bed padding. They claim to have 300 washes before they are no longer absorbent. I don't think that is really the case but I use a paper disposable a cloth absorb ant washable one and actually have three layers. I also have plastic pillow covers underneath the pillow case to protect it.
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There might not be anything that can be done.... it could be that your Dad doesn't feel the pressure of needing to urinate so he doesn't know when it happens.

Yes, try a routine, usually after a meal, not prior. When in the bathroom run the water in the sink as that sound will make some people go.

Changing the Depends is a challenge for the much older generation that was raised during the Great Depression. They don't want to toss out a Depends until it it fully used.... [sigh].

Limit Dad's water in the evening to only at supper time, have him take his night time meds then. Then have him use the toilet just before going to bed.

Buy "disposable blue sheets" to use on chairs. You can buy seconds which are a lot cheaper then first quality.
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