He follows me on my heels and I can barely move in the kitchen. He paces in circles and won't let me get around him he hides in closets and watches me eat and says ha ha I caught you.He gets irate when I tell him to sit down. It's a huge fight to take a shower. He screamed the entire time I used a shower. I have not had one In almost a week because he gets so angry when I shower or pee. He says I am stalking him by walking around the hallway to the bathroom using the shower??? He stands in the middle of the hallway with. A flashlight and won't move. Asks me where I am going ,? What am I doing here? Which room am I going in ? He does this for at least a half hour and won't move.Yesterday He would not let out of my room for hours he said I was 'bad'and I don't get to eat supper or leave my room until I act happier and admit he was a great dad and was always a little psych patient he calls me all kinds of slurs like the r----d b---h . I ended up crying and said you weren't you and mom were terrible because they were. I want to leave but if I do who will take care of him he doesn't have enough to go in a facility.
Also, if any nurse called and yelled at you report her. If that was your dad doing that, block his number once 911 picks him up.
Clearly your father has dementia of some kind and cannot be cared for by you in the home. He needs to be put into some kind of assisted living or memory care now. You are in danger every day you remain in the home with him.
Stop making excuses for why you're continuing to maintain the status quo. Leave. Walk away. There are options. Stay with friends, family, or even at a shelter if you have to. Then call the police and APS. Tell them both that he is a vulnerable adult with dementia that is alone and has no one to care for him.
Or whenever he starts behaving menacingly to you and popping out of closets and such, call the police and tell them he is threatening you and that he assaulted you. The police will take him out to the ER where they can hold him up to 72 hours for a psych evaluation. They will determine that he has dementia. When he is in the hospital ask to speak to a social worker. Tell them that he will be alone at home if he is discharged because you are not there nor will you provide any caregiving to him because he is violent. The hospital will admit him until he can be placed.
If he owns the house you live in and he gets placed, it will most likely have to be sold. You will have to move out if he comes home or doesn't. Good luck.
I'm only mentioning this because if the goal is to get dad into some sort of care, 911 might not be as helpful in that as hoped; however, if the OP is in danger, then absolutely the right thing to do is to call 911. Safety has to be paramount.
OP needs to leave in any event. Even if dad is arrested and then released, it at least buys the OP some time, gives the OP a chance to safely leave the premise.
If you are going to let dementia run the show, then this is the result.
You are not safe, you don’t deserve this and this is not sustainable.
What is your plan?
Send him to the hospital. Have his case manager get him on Medicaid and into a nursing home. Tell them it’s an “unsafe discharge” (because it is— living with him is very unsafe for you. Tell them you are afraid of him— because people with dementia do kill their caregivers sometimes).
Or the OP can go to the hospital, request a social worker, then ask for a 'Social Admit' for the father and explain that there is no one at home to care for him because they've moved out and he will be living alone. That will expediate things. The hospital will admit him until a bed can be found at a care facility to take him.