First, he is in AL with suspected dementia but no clear diagnosis yet. He's in what you might call the "paranoia phase" of memory loss where he forgets things and then accuses others of doing stuff behind his back, moving things, not letting him access to things, etc.
He claims he has a lawyer now (but he keeps CC'ing the lawyer on emails without actually including the lawyer's info. He just writes "cc" and a name, like James Smith Esq on the bottom — and I checked the name and there is nobody in our state who is admitted to the bar with that name, nor is it the lawyer he had in his old state — plus she's retired, because I found that out when I sold his house)
I am … not ready to give him the original document. He has thrown away and destroyed a bunch of stuff in AL already (including an iPhone!) and I'd rather keep the original until he has a new will, and then, if needed, destroy it.
I decided to send him a copy because if he truly is making a new will, a copy should suffice (at least this is what a lawyer friend tells me).
He says I am obligated to give him his original will. My husband and I think we should just keep stalling with copies. (He's always asking for documents and statements and copies of bills and that's what I've done in the past, most of which he's lost or thrown out).
I think I'm on okay legal ground here— my lawyer friend said that keeping his original will in a safe place is the best option, and that means with me. But morally, ethically, I'm conflicted.
Would you give him the original will? He's really angry.
Do not give him the original. Tell him if he can get u an address for the lawyer you will send him the original. Important papers like a Will should not be lying around his room, tell him. May get lost.
Stalling is what I would do... just tell him you're looking for it, then change the topic. Keep redirecting the conversation.
He does, however, need to be of sound mind to make a valid will at all. Is he? Would a lawyer be satisfied that he is?
I do not think you "need" an original Will in order to draft a new one, the old one would be void with the drafting of the new one.
I would get him to a doctors appointment and when you schedule the appointment say you need testing for his cognition. the "problem" with that is it will probably not be able to be done in that 1 visit, the doctor would probably refer him to a Neurologist.
And to echo other comments..do you have POA?
If he is declared incompetent you may not get a lawyer that will let him appoint you POA and that may leave Guardianship. (If he can grasp some understanding the lawyer may determine that he is cognizant enough to appoint a POA)
If your dad has had no official diagnosis of dementia and no one is his POA then he has every right to change his will if he wants to.
There are always 2 sides to every story, well actually three, your side, his side and the truth.
I can't help but be suspicious here as to why you don't want him to change it unless it involves removing you. Does he have good reason to remove you?
He doesn't need his will to remove you as executor. He can have a new document drawn up superseding any old one. This so speaks dementia to me. I am sorry you are going through this. Does he have a new person, a good alternative for executor? Franky I wish my mother had. Life would have been easier for me.
I met a man a while back determined to change his will. Out with Son - in with latest Nephew or something similar. (Son was being 'controlling' & become a 'thief' in his eyes). He was also at the *stolen stage* (hidden/misplaced items). His son insisted on a neuro-psych exam. Testing revealed the extent of his memory, judgement, processing & planning cognitive problems. among other observations he was passed as being capable of SMALL financial transactions (day to day shopping) but NOT for LARGE transactions eg buying/selling property.
He stated he wanted to change POA to a nephew - yet when asked who he wanted to make financial decisions for him if he could not do it himself, he answered clearly "My son".
I did not hear the actual outcome to his legal ability to change his WILL or POA. But even untrained as I am, I could see the disconnect with his reasoning.
I wonder if your Dad is kind of in the area?
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