Follow
Share

Told him to call and cancel. He is mad about that too. I wrote just a few days ago about him "living" in my family room after a fall that took him to ER. It has been a month and he demanded to go back to his condo. My husband and I were so tired of arguing with him and having him pout. So we took him home.
Now this morning we were to tour the ALF where he was supposed to stay for 1 week while my family is on vacation. (He has no friends and I have no siblings.) Now this morning he says he is not going. He is a big man and I cannot force him into my car. He is quite cognitive for his 91 years, but has mobility issues and is a fall risk. He continues to argue with me about everything. I am tired of arguing with him.
I looked into home health care, but didn't pursue since he said 3 weeks ago he would go to ALF for 1 week. Now I don't have the energy or time to interview and set up home health care.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Glad you are going. I did that, dad went to hospital alone and back home alone and survived but it was a wake up call for him.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

CJ, good idea for the lock box.

You might want to buy it yourself so you can get one of your choice. We investigated the kind that looks like the kind used for school lockers, with a u-shaped top that swings out. These fit over a door handle and sound great.

My father took one look at it, expressed concern, so I checked out the one I had bought and realized as Dad surmised that a bolt cutter could be maneuvered in to cut the u-shaped top, thus opening the box and giving someone access to the key inside. Bad deal.

So we bought a box that's screwed directly into the studs on the outside of the house, next to the front door. Dad's lock box also has a combination which can be changed as often as he likes, if in any event he needs to give it out to someone and we decide to change it later.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

As the others have said, if he doesn't have dementia, let him stay on his own, go and enjoy your vacation. You've done what you can do. Let your dad be responsible for his own decisions. You can lead a horse to water...we all know that one. You just have to let your dad go until he asks for your help. Let him live with his consequences. And have fun on your vacation!!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Thanks everyone for your answers and support. My adult sons are already telling me to please not be as difficult as Papa when I get to be his age!! I am getting our local fire department to put a "knox box" on his door so that if need be, they can get in without breaking the lock or door.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

If he doesn't want a pendant, he probably will refuse to wear it. I would go on vacation, let him stay in his condo, but alert the 911 services to his condition. If the condo has on-site management, ask them to check on him daily. If he lands in the ER, do NOT rush back, let them handle him. Without being a Guardian, you cannot force him to go anywhere.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Dealing with stubborn people can be very frustrating! If your father has been especially so with you, perhaps that's the crux of the issue.

Make your plans and go, and enjoy yourself.

But I think I'd get a life alert pendant for him before going, just in case he does fall and can't reach a phone.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

GardenArtist, you are so right! My husband and I did take him home. Tired of arguing and watching him pout in the family room. I am worn out. We will go on vacation and try to get some much needed relaxation. Dad knows he will have to call 911 if he falls and they will likely take him to hospital and leave him there if there is no one for him to go home with.
I love my dad, but sometimes don't like him very much. He has always been stubborn and argumentative, especially with me.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

There were some good suggestions by others in your first post
(https://www.agingcare.com/questions/dad-staying-demanding-to-go-back-to-condo-181757.htm). Didn't any of them work?

Apparently, if I understand the situation correctly, you did take him home back to his own condo but now he's refusing to leave.

Reading your last post and this one, I see the frustration building. Perhaps it's time to turn the tables and stop the manipulating that he's able to do as you try to find the best solution for him.

Tell him you've agreed to let him stay in the condo and leave it at that. See what he does. Maybe he'll agree to go to a facility temporarily, maybe not. But your frustration seems to be increasing and it seems pretty clear that he's not going to change his mind. So it seems to me there's a standoff here and neither of you are going to budge.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

You have to ealk away and just go on vacation. I had to do this with my dad. He had a fall and had to call 911 himself and go to the hospital alone and home in a taxi alone. we had been so many times to rescue him and try to move him that this last time we just let him fail so to speak and we did not rush to clean up the mess. it helps that we are in another state but now dad is with us and we have different problems but I think that one definitely scared him and fortunately he was okay. I have him at my house now and he has since had another fall so we are working on where is the best place for him even though he thinks he can live alone and still drive
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

If your father has no dementia, I would sit with him in a quiet moment and ask him why he's trying so hard to spoil your family's vacation; or how he would have reacted when you were a teenager if you pulled a "stunt" like this. Validate his feelings of fear of the unknown and "what ifs?". But don't let him keep you from going.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter