Dad passed away after 4 years in assisted living. How do I let go from my daily visits?

Wow.  I was thinking this SAME thing.  I visit my dad everyday at the nursing home on my lunch hour and he is not doing very well now.  I was thinking to myself that one day I won't have to go there on my lunch anymore.   It's going to be so hard to adjust too...

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad.  Hugs to you.

You never get over the loss of a parent, but you do eventually learn how to adapt. Dying and death are unavoidable. The awful thing about death is you will never be able to see, hear or touch them again. I don't care how old they are--you NEVER get over that kind of loss. Other than photos and memories, they are gone. Since you dad died recently, you are going through a very natural process. Give yourself time to grieve...just let yourself grieve. Meanwhile keep in *close* contact with friends--the best gift they can give to you is simply listen to you grieving. Your mind is trying to process what has happened. At least your dad was in an assisted living, which means he had some of his mind left. My mom has severe Alzheimer's and I'm her full time caregiver and when she dies I'll be a total basket case--I would not be able to cope with that since I see and attend to her every moment..for years. at least you are kind of used to being on your own.

It has been over 2 years since my Mom passed away and I still get these fleeting thoughts when I drive near the home we lived in many years ago. I feel like I haven't seen my parents in so long and I really should be getting over there...then I realize they are not there and haven't been for many years. The thought only lasts a second. What makes things worse for me is that before her decline she lived across the street from us....I still look out my window and some days I feel she is in that home, though I sold it and know there are new people there, and she was bedridden here on hospice in my home before she passed away for a long time. Her home stood empty during this time as I couldn't bring myself to sell it then. We are hoping to move someday, but now have to care for my MIL so we are on hold. These thoughts have begun to lessen over time...but I still have them once in awhile and they pop up out of the blue. I keep telling myself that Mom is safe in Heaven now, that nothing bad can get her.

I’m going to schedule a meeting with the director to ask about some sort of thank you for the staff as well as permanent remembrance. I may stop in occasionally for happy hour but I do need to remember that the staff have their jobs to do.

Spent twelve years visiting MIL, I like to think of her now away on a trip with her old friends enjoying her freedom and having fun and her wishing the same for me.

We visited the staff a number of times, it was good to visit with them. Over time, some staff changed and the ones there were busy with other residents, it became more distant. We do still keep in touch with a couple of families that were there at the same time. There’s nothing wrong with staying in contact, but you may find it changes over time

Is your dad buried in a cemetery or are his remains elsewhere? Perhaps visit his final resting place during this adjustment phase. Personally, I would send a food basket to the staff with a thank you card and then I would stop going to visit your friends while they're working. Have you thought about throwing a celebration of your dad's life at a nearby restaurant and inviting the staff?

Thanks for the answers but another question is I’ve become friends with staff over the years and it’s like I have to break up with them due to dad’s passing.

I honestly don't see anything wrong in the daily visits while you adjust to his passing. It's a part of grief. And it's still quite fresh and painful.

What I began doing, and found it very helpful, was to record my "conversations" that I might have had by journaling. So instead of calling and discussing something, I type it on my computer.

Thus far it's been easier to type it, but I'm thinking that at some point I'll print it out and save it in a lovely journal decorated with photos and/or mementos relating to the various thoughts I've cherished.

We used to frequently stop for a Dairy Queen after medical appointments. I might glue on the medical appointment card, and add a photo of a DQ blizzard.

When it really helps is when the loneliness becomes overwhelming, or when I have to research a question that I could have asked him and gotten an answer from someone with experience in so many aspects of life.

I am sorry for the loss of your dad. You're right, you will be jolted over and over again about the schedule you kept and the thought you should be visiting your dad. I called my mom at 8 AM and again at 6 PM if I wasn't over there seeing her. After she passed away, I'd jolt myself thinking I needed to call. The 8 AM calls were the first to drop off my radar. The 6 PM ones were harder to let go because they interrupted my daily life more. But bit by bit, that faded away too.

Mom's been gone for 14 months. Now I will think of her when I see something she'd have liked (the pictures of the christening of the newest British Royal baby, Louis is the latest) that I'd be sure she saw. They are all fond memories now. {{{Hugs}}}

I’m sorry for your loss. I think you’ll find many here that have been on the path you’re traveling now. When I lost my mom I can’t tell you how often I’d think of something I needed to tell her about, my kids would do something and I’d immediately think of letting her know, or there’d be something in the news or of local interest and I’d want to reach out to tell mom. Then it would hit like a hammer that I couldn’t do that anymore. The thought process doesn’t change quickly, we’re ingrained with sharing life with our family members. The old saying about time healing all wounds is somewhat true, time does help. You come to a place where you less often think in terms of calling or visiting and more often think of memories of the good times. I wish you the best as you adjust to this new normal, it’s not easy, but let the good memories come it and be of comfort as you can