Recently relocated to another state to assist my elderly father. He thinks my motive is to take his money and his home. I have reassured him that is not the case. He has a living trust that indicates his wishes with his property. What should I do?
That's tough, kchavez. I'm not sure it helps any, but you are definitely not alone! Your profile indicates Dad has mobility problems. Might he also have some cognitive/emotional issues? Paranoia is sometimes associated with beginning dementia. Of course that is not the only possibility, but it is worth keeping in mind.
My husband (Lewy Body Dementia at 76) was very distrustful of everyone, especially me, early in his disease, and then that gradually went away.
For now I suggest you continue to reassure him, remind him of the trust, explain your real motives, etc. -- just what you are doing now, I assume. Also keep an eye open for any other symptoms of confusion.
jothi, dads emotional condition IS the issue of the day for carers. ignoring his antics isnt a working solution imo. you are there to quell his anxiety and its the hardest part of caregiving, again, imo..
Totally normal, next he will accuse you or someone of taking his things, Like Jeanne said, keep reassuring him its all in writing, safe and sound, and that you would never ever, and you dont need it. Hold on tight, next (unless you are lucky), your siblings will accuse you too! lol
put about 100 1 dollar bills in your wallet. pull it out and rife thru it while vehemently denouncing your interest in his money. tell him you have 85 acres and two homes to take care of now. tell him you dont even have time for his crap but your making time out of the goodness of your lying a** heart.. lol.. your phony claims would be difficult to disprove..
we went through the exact same thing, four years ago with my MIL...we moved 1700 miles, gave up our ranch, my antique business and our lifestyle, to move to Ohio after it was apparent my MIL was not going to move to Colorado after my FIL passed away. I was "that woman" for over a year. We went through temper tantrums, slammed doors, accusations that we were stealing her house and throwing her in a nursing home/ BUT, the good news is it will pass...things are relatively peaceful now. I tell her I am her social secretary to help her with her memory issues and we can almost laugh about it. Keep a good sense of humor! You will need it.
Dear Friend, Your wonderful care towards your dad is well appreciated. Many do not get the opportunity to serve the parents in their old age. At least you have the good opportunity. Your good conscience is the best judge. Do not worry for father's mind. Dearly, Jothi
This happened to me also - my Mother thinking that I wanted her crappy house when I turned my life around to help her. It did pass but I had to grow a pretty thick skin and not let all my frustration become a power struggle. That is what a lot of it is - they are losing control and wish to regain it. I was cleaning my Mothers backyard (it was a mess when I moved in) did all the work myself except the heavy stuff which I paid laborers out of my own pocket. I wanted her to have a nice place in the afternoon to enjoy nature. When it was all done she says "You are just increasing the price of my property so when you put me away you will have more money." What a witch! I looked her straight in the eyes and said "I am so sorry that you feel that way - maybe it would be better if I did not live here anymore." Then she falls all over herself trying to back pedal, she really did not mean it ect..... Her new stage is she thinks that I am going to leave her all alone. Oh well, no one said it was easy.
If he has dementia, he is going to have those delusions. All you can do is keep caring for him, love him, and since his trust is already done just tell him you are there for him only.
Dad did this for a while, thank goodness Mom was there to tell him otherwise. Then later, when she was gone, I would write "I take care of you because I love you." The distrust faded. (He used to hide his wallet from me, sad for me)
my mother woke me up one night to confront me about the 700 dollars id stolen from her. after we finally found it she gave it to me for safekeeping. some of these things are funny even at the time.
My husband (Lewy Body Dementia at 76) was very distrustful of everyone, especially me, early in his disease, and then that gradually went away.
For now I suggest you continue to reassure him, remind him of the trust, explain your real motives, etc. -- just what you are doing now, I assume. Also keep an eye open for any other symptoms of confusion.
Hang in there! This too shall pass.
dads emotional condition IS the issue of the day for carers. ignoring his antics isnt a working solution imo. you are there to quell his anxiety and its the hardest part of caregiving, again, imo..
your phony claims would be difficult to disprove..
Your wonderful care towards your dad is well appreciated. Many do not get the opportunity to serve the parents in their old age. At least you have the good opportunity. Your good conscience is the best judge. Do not worry for father's mind.
Dearly,
Jothi
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