My dad lost my mom one year ago and expects me to fill her shoes. How can I get relief?

Your need to have a geriatric doctor evaluate him for dementia. A geriatric doctor is one who specializes in the medical care of older people.

Depending on where Dad lives, you might need a full tank of gas to get to that geriatrician.

My mom lived in a county with a population of 360,000....and 4 geriatricians. FOUR!

You cannot believe how shocked I was. While mom's county is partially rural, it is far from the most countrified and/or sparsely-populated county in our state. I guess those folks are really screwed.

Anyhoo, after reading these 4 geri-doctors' bios, two of them had so many other "specialties" that I suspect they were good old GPs who happened to have some elderly patients.

The neighboring county has a more robust selection of geriatric specialists -- thanks to the local university's medical program. 

But oh Lordy, spend a whole 60-90 minutes in my car? Each way?? Unthinkable. If Mom's afraid of highways, then everyone should be afraid of highways.

P.S. It's all behind me now, and I don't miss elder-logic one bit. Not. One. Bit.

I have been dealing with the same issues and feeling guilt ridden by my fathers remarks towards me when I don't give him my full attention. I needed to read these replies, I have said some of these things to myself about boundaries etc but then the guilt would take over. I pray for you that this advice these wonderful people have provided helps you as it has me in these very difficult times

I have been dealing with the same issues and feeling guilt ridden by my fathers remarks towards me when I don't give him my full attention. I needed to read these replies, I have said some of these things to myself about boundaries etc but then the guilt would take over. I pray for you that this advice these wonderful people have provided helps you as it has me in these very difficult times.

Gressecj: Okay, so the caregiving that you are providing for your dad must CEASE. You have a requirement at your own home, which is a spouse with the disease of MS. Stop this or you WILL crack. You married your husband, not your father.