Dad lives at home and I'm the only caregiver, my doctor is threatening to hospitalize me. What will happen to dad?

Most assisted living places are out of our reach financially. Sorry i havent been back sooner. I just broke my hand pretty badly requiring surgery to put some pins it. And my good hand so needless to say it got more complicated. I did find someone to help me with a few mornings each week taking dad to breakfast. Honestly think my mom sent her for the timing. Lost my mom to breast cancer when she was 48 and this girl just survived it. @bodybytes. I understand the complications you endure and hope you are staying on top of the diabetes thing. I lost my husband 7 years ago at age 56 due to complications. Took care of him the 3 years before he passed. I still think he would be here if i had convinced him years sooner how good pump therapy would be for him. Mostly i have just stayed away from the dad topic with my doctor and so far he's not threatening to take things out of my hands. The waiting lists for places is long and was told it will be likely 9 mos before IL medicaid will get to a new app because they are already so far behind. I hope i last that long. I feel certifiable as it is now. Thank you all for your input!

Well i went to my doc yesterday (my therapist was the one discussing admitting me forvdepression and exhaustion- that was BEFORE i broke my hand that required surgery) and forbthe first time in my life i had a significantly high BP. For now i just have to stop in a couple times this week to be checked. He is also my dad's doctor. So after 3 years he finally tells mevthe stress of the way im living is negatively impacting my physical health and when am i going to accept the idea of moving my dad into a facility. Well let's see. About 6 mos ago. Here's the rub. We do not have an extra $3,000 a month laying around. At the last place i looked at they told me currently illinois medicaid is behind 9 months to a year before they'll get to new apps. Illinois is currently kicking around bankruptcy. When all the obamacare stuff starts moving this fall, people will be flooding the medicaid system by triple their current rolls. Oh and did i mention that even if medicaid was current, the places that have medicaid beds have waiting lists. And then i laughed until i cried. Dont doctors know this stuff?!? I told him one or both of us is going to die before we get out of this hole. They can just bury us in it.

Dear Emerald: Like you, I am the sole caregiver for a 92-yr old uncle, with no back-up. Up until a year ago, I also took care of my 88-yr old Mom in the same bldg. By Feb of last year, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Went for a complete physical at that point, feeling like I would end up in a hospital based on exhaustion alone. Dr. also suspected depression, which I convinced him was not the case, as I never took a break (occasional 24 hrs at my own home mainly to catch up on sleep), until I was satisfied that they each had everything they needed - prepared meals, clothing, meds, etc. and still kept in touch with each of them by phone during that time. Wish I had a camera system like you do!! After my 24-hr break I went right back to business as usual with them. However, he suggested I accept an Rx for 5 mg of Valium just to help me relax from the stress when I needed it. I am very antil-drug, but knew I needed to calm down. So I took those pills and broke them into 4 pieces each (1.25mg) and took one piece only when I felt I absolutely needed it. For someone who does not take drugs, that tiny dose was actually effective, and left no chance that I would become dependent on it. That Rx lasted over 6 months, at which time I asked for a refill and that lasted over 8 months. Have not needed it since Mom is now in NH, and uncle is still mentally competent and not so time consuming. LISTEN to your doctor and TALK to him about your situation. If you do decide to take his advice, PLAN AHEAD to arrange respite care while you are away. I would call Medicare and explain that your doctor advises a medically necessary break for you (I don't think you need to give specifics) and ask them how they can help you get him the back-up care he needs. I am almost certain they will send someone to assess the situation and then offer you the services they can provide. Perhaps sending him to a facility for a couple of weeks (believe me he will survive it), or maybe arranging for aides and a nurse to come to his home while you are away. The fact that you have the ADT monitoring system will enable you to remotely keep an eye on everyone if you do decide to go to the hospital. Good luck and I will be praying for you.

Bp officially high - diastolic 104. I'll probably dievfirst. And i dont even care anymore.

Emerald, it's no joke that caregivers can die from stress before their elders. Take a deep breath now. Go for a "power walk" outside. It well let you think more objectively, and help your BP at the same time. You need to at least get respite care for your Dad so you can take care of yourself. As for Medicaid, I made the application for my Mom (I am her POA & HCP), and she stayed in the NH facility under "Medicaid pending" status which did not get fully approved for almost a year. (The social services people at the hospital found the NH bed for her). During that time, I paid the NH as if the Medicaid was active. They took her SS check, minus her Medigap insurance premium, and minus a $35 monthly allowance for personal expenses (big deal). So you should be able to get him into a facility sooner than you think. You don't have to manage entirely alone. At least start with your county social services agency. Utilize the free services of a patient care coordinator to help you through the maize. Call Medicare to send out a Nurse Evaluator to get the ball rolling. Get written docotor recommendation for yourself (needing respite) and for your father (needing extra in-home care or facility care). Everything is time consuming, true. Right now it seems you are so stressed you cannot see the forest for the trees. Just take a deep breath, call the doc to write his recs for your Dad and for you, and then call Medicare to send out an evaluator to your home Of course, be there for the home visit.. Whether you get extra hours of in-home aides to help, or they find a facility to take Dad for a few weeks to give you respite, take whatever they offer. It's a start, and the professionals will help you through it.

Hey everybody bi think i have a temporary fix to the problem. I go home everyday at the end of it. After that i monitor by cams. He cannot open a door that i dont know it immediately via text message. When i get one, i can view a 30 sevond video clip to see if he actually walked out. I assumed wandering would start at some point and it has. However. Up until 2 nights ago my dad would wake up 2-4 times a night and just look outside. Well i sleep with my phone and hear it every single time. Missed him actually going out the first time by 30 mins cuz i took pain meds for my broken hand (still has pins in it). I suspected i wouldnt hear my phone with thar medication so i set my alarm for 1 just to check and sure enough, i missed a call that the police brought himin the house cuz he was pacing the sidewalk in front of his house looking for his wife (been deceased for 23 years). So naturally i was afraid to sleep. Staying there isnt a good idea. Hevthinks im his girlfriend (the phone calls right after inleave for the day are disturbing all on their own because he calls upset that im dumping him and wants to know if i really want a relationship with him). So the next night the neighbor that keeps an eye out as much as possible went over to his house about 8:00 pm and gave him tylenol pm. We have both slept thru the night since and no more opening doors thru the night. Nobody can have their REM sleep continually interrupted and not pay for it with health in some way. Ive had 3 nights of sleep now and starting to feel a little better. Wish id thought of this sooner. It also helps the pain in his knees that they dontbwant to fix because "if im lucky they'll cripple him up and he wont be able to wander". For real?!? That made me sick. But i think we've got a temp fix for now. Thanks everybody for your input. Should know more on the blood pressure in a fewvdays.