Dad lives at home and I'm the only caregiver, my doctor is threatening to hospitalize me. What will happen to dad?

You need to put a plan in place. We all do. We have a very special poster here who was just diagnosed with cancer and given 6mos to live. She is scrambling to get her mom in a home. My heart breaks for her. She just posted yesterday. I cannot stop thinking about her.
If there is no one that can take over your duties you must start the process of finding him a pn assisted living place or NH if needed. It stinks but I cannot think if what else to do. Start the process now. I would imagine that his doctors could help you find the right people to talk with. Or talk with an elder attorney. I hope someone with better knowledge about how to actually start this process will help you.

Good luck and take care of yourself!!

Arrange respite care a few times a week, you need help. I would go crazy if my mother did not go out to an Adult Day Center for a few hours a day. Often times the bus in not available for a week at at time and I can tell you when it has been too too much for me. You doctor is telling you that you need help, if you have to go into the hospital for any reason, your dad can be placed in a Respite Care Rehab during that time. Contact your office of aging for direction.

I will pray for you! that is heartbreaking to hear I know I am in the exact situation. what happens to ma when I go down! You stay strong and definitely become proactive best you can!

You need to hear your doctor's message: it's not "just another bad thing happening" that will make things worse and then you have to kill yourself coping with. It's someone trying to tell you that you're already killing yourself by how you're responding to the way things already are.

Emerald0562,
I agree with what they've said here, I'd go and get some help, ASAP because you might be over exhausting yourself. I know where you're coming from though, because my mom is all I have to help her out, even though I have an older brother who lives in Chicago who could help more (and the same thing for my 34 year old nephew who refuses to give me some breathing space by taking a turn or two with the visits), it's usually up to one "main individual" to do ALL of the work, while the others just sit on the sidelines and forget about what my mom did for them. But that's life I guess (it's made me really think about how they'd treat me should I ever get sick, and from what I see, I'd be on my own as well).
I ask God/Jesus "daily" to help keep me well for my mom, because she gets NO visitors at the rehab but me. Try to find someone to help you and get started "right away", once you get things together for yourself (I believe God might be telling you this is 'your way' of getting some much needed 'rest' for yourself right now, and that's what's important), then you could perhaps pick up (with a better perspective) from where you started. Will pray for you and your dad.

I've posted this many times in many threads... when someone is caring for a person with dementia, it's often the care giver who dies first. If your doctor is alarmed by the toll care the situation is taking on you, it's time to find another solution for your dad.

emerald0562 ;
First I would like to give you a cyber-hug and big sympathy. My precious mom nearly "killed me dead." I was in very bad shape indeed. I lost Winnie last Thursday morning. If you are as wiped out as I was, you may not even be able to step up to the plate to make a plan. Please remember that thankfully there is a lot of care out there. You could perhaps even Baker Act your dad for the 72 hours to be able to plan. You could contact Family Protective Services and there are a slew of respite organizations out there. The senior day care mentioned above is a superb option in the short term. Do you have a church family? I finally had to think outside the box and take emergency measures without feeling guilty. Sincerely, you hear it so much it sounds cliche but you cannot help your dad if you are wiped out. Hospice offered me some wonderful wisdom around not feeling guilt. Many small things helped. One of them is to ask yourself what your dad would want for you. If he loves you, he doesn't want you to be exhausted and depressed.

A social worker at a hospital (the one you may go to?) will know a lot more options. All the best of luck, V55

When I first started this whole dementia whirlwind I came across a thread where someone said that 80% is OK, and just enjoy who they are today.
Both concepts helped tremendously. Food spots on clothes matter less than being relaxed.
For myself it also became much easier to cope once I realized that I couldn't "fix" the dementia by correcting his misconceptions, that I was GOING to make mistakes (but everyone does), and that the only thing I could do is live in the moment with "my" AZ person as he was at that moment in time.
It took awhile to let go of the little things (buttons askew), & to enjoy whatever we could (a little tea together in the kitchen, him telling a story I'd heard before...but now disjointed), go as slowly as needed (trying to rush just freezes him up anyhow), be grateful for what gets done, don't beat myself up for what doesn't, vent to friends,(be incredibly grateful for friends that let me vent!), take as many opportunities as I can to grasp bits of "normal" for myself (a walk around the block, a cup of coffee somewhere, going to a movie with friends--I went to one this year!).
Biggest thing was learning to let go of things, and let others step in and do them. I'm a control freak, and try to FIX everything, and this isn't going to get "fixed". It's just a matter of as much good as possible, and as little bad, as little pain, as much feeling listened to as possible, as much personhood as possible.

Per my AZ friend, I am "wiser" now, and also I have "done a good job", and if he were in my situation he'd focus on living his own life -- funny how perceptive he can be at some moments.

Speaking from personal experience, go to the hospitgal as your doctor recommends. No, he/she cannot force you to go, but you will be amazed at what good it will do you. I was hospitalized for depression and exhaustion from taking care of my husband. I was there 9 days and it was the best 9 days I ever invested in myself. It was better than a vacation, because they taught me how to cope, etc. Also, I didn't have the stress of traveling asI would have had if I went on a vacation. Please take care of yourself. If there isn't asnyone to take care of your dad, do check with Hospice as Butterflykisses suggests. Also,contace the social worker at the hospital where yoiur doctor wants to have you admitted. She should have some resources for you to explore, both for you and your dad.

Amen on the taking time. I'm still learning the fine art of the evasive "non-answer" to avoid the arguements.
If I could go back I certainly would have done things differently...all the "be grateful for the small things" and "enjoy the moment" cliches are turning out to be true. "Nobody's perfect" is no longer just a saying on a refrigerator magnet, it's become my life motto! I can't tell you how many small things I am grateful for at this point -- even a moment of laughter together that has some of his "old" self.
Today was tag-team with the caregiver for 2 hrs just to get a few tiny bites of squash into him. 12 days post-surgery & he's probably eaten 1500 calories in that entire time. Ice cream has been 90% of that. Not ideal, but ANYTHING in the stomach is better than everything left on the tray. Basically he is going to starve to death if something doesn't turn around soon.