My Dad is moving in with me from another state so that I can care for him. Where do I find the best resources to help?

When I moved my mother to Oregon from Washington State I needed help setting up services. I called the Senior Services Agency in our area at the advice of the Social Worker at the hospital in Washington State. It made all the difference to our situation. They were so helpful in giving me agencies, names, phone numbers and all the support I personally needed. In fact it was the Senior Services Rep that gave me this website to connect to. Bless her for that as well as everything else. She was my shoulder to lean on in this new life adventure. I hope you have an agency you can contact too. Good luck and don't be a stranger on here. This has been my haven for sanity as well as answers to all sorts of question.

Alice, I see from your profile that your Dad has mobility problems. Curious what are his issues that he now need help? How is his memory?

To get answers to some of your questions, the following website will give you your local Council on Aging. https://www.agingcare.com/local/Area-Agency-on-Aging

I have had a bad week so bare with me. If I had had any idea I would have never agreed to being a caregiver for my mom. When my time comes stick me in a home, I would not put another person through this.Nothing you can read on the internet will prepare you for spitting food,crapping in your clothes, trying to get her to take her meds it's like having an 86 year old toddler. Yes I understand that none of this is her fault. But in 5 months i have gained 18 lbs. i bury my feels with food and my bp is 150/90. My sisters who never come around or call are nurses!!

Please rethink your decision to have Dad move in with you. In my 30 year experience with elders and their children, I find 1 out of 100 can make it. Don't use the fear and horror stories you might have heard about Assisted Living communities or nursing home. Go and visit them NOW. Dad probably won't agree to go, but start your plan. And read ebook "Bold Actions for Helping Older parents." It will give you so much factual food for thought.

Prayer is still the best communication avenue. You are in for quite a shock, and I suggest you contact your local area on aging for resources. If he has dementia, www.alz.org is a good source. Again, taking care of another is not something you should do lightly. There is nothing wrong with professionals taking care of him in a facility. Being a professional, I took great care of my patients. Best wishes!

You can also call for a free booklet from Alternatives for Seniors.

I see that you're in Old Hickory, which is close to Nashville. Even though you might have plenty of doctors in Old Hickory, you might want to see if Nashville has an actual geriatric clinic. I was lucky that my area has one and found that they are full of resources. Once I got my mom signed-up, there, they now make all the referrals to other doctors and totally manage her care. It's not the same kind of care as I get at the same system with just a primary care physician but much more coordinated.

They also have tons of information on how to get seniors around (cheap/free transportation for seniors), other programs that could be important, and all sorts of things. I realize this clinic that I got my mom into might have more services than some others, but I've gotten lots of information, there.

You'll also probably want to go to the social security office to change his social security and Medicare, the DMV to at least get a state ID, even if he's no longer going to drive.

If he wants a new dentist, there are sometimes lower-rate places for seniors. I found that the geriatric center had lists of suggested dental clinics, along with the other resources, although have not had a chance to take my mom to one of them to see how they are.

Sometimes, you have to specifically ask. My mom got into a program for people with memory loss where I was able to get her a deep discount because of her lower income. That's just an example, but if I'd shied-away because of the cost and not spoken with them, wouldn't have known. Sometimes, you have to check into things that look good but pricey and just see if they even have suggestions for other programs that would be in your price range, too. Most people are really helpful regarding these issues, I'm finding.

The one thing that you need to be prepared for, is his wanting to go home. Many patients are insistent, day and night. We moved my husband's grandmother from IL to AZ. and it could not have went worse. She was "ok" in IL. and then, out of her mind, due to the move. Within a week, we had to take her back.

Line up help, now. And have them start the first day, because your dad may become dependent on you and not allow anyone else in the house. So, that means starting the bath lady, the first morning.

Good luck. I hope that your health is great, because you are taking on a task.

Contact your local Area Agency on Aging, Bureau of Senior Services of Aging and Disability office, they will have information that you will find useful in caring for your father, from insurance information, in home services to caregiver services. They can also make referrals to outside agencies.

go online to A Place for Mom. They are the best referral service ever for in facility and at home care. My first suggestion is to find a place for him in an assisted living arrangement, NOT in your home. I've been caring for both my Mom and Dad for 9 years. They are now 90. It is not fun! It has destroyed the relationship I had and pretty much all my respect for my Dad. It has put a big dent in my marriage. It has made me depressed, frustrated, grumpy, not a nice person to be around. I have always been the caregiver in the family and I love helping others BUT full time for years on end is just too demanding. I've missed too much in other parts of my life, Grandchildren have grown up with not enough time with me. My girls have had life issues that I couldn't help them with because I am always tied to Mom and Dad. Financially it continues to put a strain on us. I will NEVER do this to my children. And lastly, my parents have very little outside contact. I truly believe they have done themselves an injustice by remaining at home. I WANT to go into assisted living where I will have friends and activities. Give this some thought.

There are many resources for you to read or see that could help you in taking care of your Dad. Is he sick? Then you should have a better understanding of his disease or the illness that he has. The internet has a lot of information to offer but it would be wise to get comprehensive information of the medical history of your Dad from his doctor. It is also important to get him a new doctor here so that his medical needs and medical conditions could be easily attended to.
When was the last time you had a conversation or you have been with your Dad? If you see him regularly, then you will not have a hard time adjusting. But if you have been missing out of the things that happened with him, you are in need of catching up. Know the basics. The current diet that he has, the sport or activity he usually do. You need to know his daily habits and regimens. Preparing for basic stuff like where he is going to sleep, the type of bed he needs, and all other aspects is very important.
Planning and preparation will help you adjust easily with the new environment and situation that you are going to face when Dad has finally arrives. You may also need to brief the other people in the household about the new addition to your family, the things that you need to do to adjust to him and how things are going to be in the house once he arrives. Being emotionally prepared is also very important because the adjusting period could really be sometimes a whirl wind for most people.

Havent had to go through this. But it sounds as if your Dad is on Medicaid. I would definitely talk with them about what tou need to do to transfer his Medicaid eligibilty from his state to yours. I have heard that tjis can be problematic.

The very best starting point will be your local Area Agency on Aging, which is funded by the federal government. Just google "eldercare locator" and you should find it. You can also look for a professional geriatric care manager in your area--same thing, just google that term. best of luck to you and your family.

I am relatively new at this too, only a year but am learning. I have yet to seek out help but what I have done so far is to get her a Primary Care Physician, You will need to go to the Social Security office with him to get his benefits changed to your address, we also found a Neurologist just to rule out other issues. If you go to Alzheimer's Association in your county they should be able to also refer you to Dr. that they know who either specialize or at least are more familiar with caring for the elderly. I would also ask for a lawyer referral and start the process of getting a POA. This is something we just did. The lawyer will talk to and your father and see what his wishes are he can then sign a POA in the event he can't make decisions for himself you will be able to do it for him legally. This is VERY IMPORTANT. If you wait and he becomes worse and they feel he can't make that kind of decision the you have to get guardianship which requires going to court. It comes down to $250(which is what we paid the attorney referred by AA could be a little different) or $3000 later for the guardianship. There are other things that you can do but Alzheimer's Association is your best bet. It is hard and scary but it can be done, like I said I've done this for a year now and we are happy although there have been ups and downs. If you would like to email me I could probably answer questions or tell you were to look.