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It all started because his SS check was deposited today.He wanted me to take him to the bank and withdraw 2000.00 for him. When I calmly said "No dad,its not safe to carry around all that money". Thats when he started screaming at me that I was stealing all his money and he was calling the police to have me arrested. This is not the first time he has done this. The last time I had to call 911 because he harmed himself after he worked himself into a frenzy and overturned his wheelchair. Then he wouldn't let anyone help us up. Because of his blood thinner he was a bloody mess from skin tears. After arriving at the hospital he told them I had shoved him and made him fall and we left him home alone all the time and DCF opened an investigation of abuse directed at me. It was unfounded but the caseworker never contacted me again and I have no paperwork about the case. I'm afraid to call for help (he only needs picked up, he has no injuries) because he said he would tell them I pushed him down and I would go to jail. I have 3 people here who have tried to help him and witnessed everything but I'm afraid I'll still go to jail based on his telling them lies. What should I do?

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It's time to have him removed from his house. When this happened to me (it's also my house), I didn't wait for another time, but instead had my mom removed because life as you know it for them is over, and another stage is beginning. It's safest for you and for him. It won't be easy but neither is living like you are now.
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After being my mother's slave and punching bag 24/7 for 3 years her doc told me "well of course she's had dementia for years, long before you came to look after her". He said he never told me because whenever I came to his office I was with her - he could have, she's so hard of hearing. Well, thanks a bunch, idiot! Had I known it wouldn't have made it easier to bear but easier to understand. Personally I don't like or trust doctors and only go when something's about to drop off :)
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Rosie your father needs to go to care. You've done all you possibly can and it will only get worse. Here in Canada the authorities can't just take someone out of their home but if the person goes with them on the promise of a trip or shopping or something, they can be apprehended on public property and taken to care whether they like it or not. I don't know where you are but talk to all the local governmental agencies you can and, first, have a private consult with dad's doctor as he may be able to offer some advice/help.
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*by notifying someone*
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I agree that YOU need to call and report this to either his doctor, 911, or the hospital - someone - before your father gets a hold of the phone and reports you first. Did he leave any marks when he hit you? If so, go to the ER and get that documented. Call the social worker at the hospital and let them know things have gotten worse and completely out of hand - that you need help in getting him applied for medicaid and placed in a facility. If nothing else, they can let you know who you need to talk to. It doesn't sound like things are going to "calm down" for him - or you - anytime soon, so you need to get the paperwork rolling now. Don't be concerned with being arrested as long as you are keeping documentation as these episodes occur but notifying someone. It also sounds like your father needs a new doctor.
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I just googled it and you can't / shouldn't videotape someone in "private" areas like bedrooms or bathrooms. The living room sounds ok.
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I have a video camera on my smart phone. I am not what the law would say about videotaping a tantrum, but i think you should try it next time he is abusing and manipulating you.
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Do you have a web-cam or at least a tape recorder - I know it sounds awful to make a record of these events but - "a picture is worth a thousand words".
Might even help your Dad to get the help he needs. He may still be coherent enough to behave himself around authority figures - but they need to see what is going on other times.
I've always heard "they turn on the one they love most the first".
Best wishes
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I wish this were a more common routine check: if he's in a hospital setting, get a urinalysis done. Major change in behavior in the elderly can be a sign of a UTI.
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I am so sorry for you...I am also the POA for my mom and it's a job I wish I didn't have! Please....distance yourself from your Dad and don't feel guilty...my mom says she will find someone else to be POA if I don't want too...I say let her! Sounds like you need to stay away from him and give yourself a break....We all agree of that...Good luck to you!
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Rosie, I have experienced similar situations with my 98 yr old father. What has helped dramatically is Lexapro 5mg once a day He takes it at 6:00 pm every day. He recently was in the hospital for a week with gallbladder inflamation. I asked his doctor to have him evaluated while there. I was told he has some dementia and anger issues. The family knows about his anger issues and has experienced it over the years. All I can say is since he's been on the Lexapro he is like a different person. I call it the 'magic pill' I hope this information helps. GOOD LUCK.
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Rosie, Hugs! So sorry you are going through this! If he has been Baker Acted. He cannot be released without a Psychiatrist saying he is capable and he may get a mandatory 72 hour hold if they think he is a danger to himself or others. CALL the hospital right a way and tell them of his behavior. Further, tell them that his behavior has caused you to no longer feel that it is a safe situation in your home and you will not permit him back. They will have to find placement for him elsewhere. Yes it is messy and horrible, but what you are describing is terrible and no way to live. He needs medication and observation. Hospital social workers can open doors for you in these situations, be persistant. Explain the history in detail.
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Thanks for updating us. My father is also threatening to call the cops on me. So, I'm very interested in your situation. I know that sooner or later he will call. I've informed him that if he does call, then I'm moving out. Of all his 8 children, I've been home my whole life to help him care for mom (24 yrs ago), and now him (2 yrs ago.) He's going thru the dementia stage and he's on what I call the paranoia-accusation stage. I'm mentally getting myself prepared to leave home. Oldest sis just moved in January, not much help from her....

You are a very strong, understanding daughter. And very determined to care for her father - who does not appreciate it.
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UPDATE on dad... I finally called 911 after we had no success with getting him to calm down & let us help him off the floor. By that time he had numerous areas of blood on his shirt from rolling around and hitting and kicking everything in his immediate area. He had pulled things off the dresser & nite stand. we had to remove his mirror so that it didn't fall on him. They ended up Baker Acting him. I talked to a police officer about the hospital Dr telling me that he was competent after meeting him & talking to him for 5 minutes the last time he acted out like this. He said that he can be competent but depressed and it makes him act out like this. I told him this after he told me which hospital they were taking him to. I told him that last time dad told them not to give me any info and had me removed from his hospital room. I fully expect an investigator from Elder Abuse to contact me today. They did the last time this happened. I'll keep everyone updated. Thanks for all the comments Its nice to know I'm not alone in this.
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Call 911 report the insident, report the threat of being reported for stealing, I am in a situation with my father much different than yours, and both of my still married parents (mom lives a town away) are showing signs of dementia, alz. I am in the middle of the Sheet storm and the lies keep on coming.
You have done right by your father, but no matter what you will get the brunt of abuse, stress, confusion, guilt, all the bad, no rewards. I found this out the hard way.
Upate on my sitch:
Father moved most of his bullet, gun powder, gun smithing crap last weekend, this was the majority of the furniture and belongings here. He had his co-worker Armed Guard 40ish young man friend help him, the landlord here is helping him store all this crap in the garage here where we live, all a BIG Secret to ME! his daughter, my mother has AGAIN turned on me, she told me last night that (I am threatening to take her money train from her) and she doesn't give a shit if I live or die, she is SO GONNA REGRET THIS.
HE doesn't give a shit about her or me, never has. hence last night I discover someone came in after I left without my knowledge and did plumbing work or perhaps my father did? So I call him at 11pm he is at work 84yrs old employed? as an armed guard. He lies, instead of telling me (either he did the work earlier in the day or he had someone come in when I was out) he lied. Told me to go ask the landlord, so I went over asked the landlord, and this guy is STONED out of his mind, he LIES, then says YOU Don't have to live here!, and why haven't you moved out?
WTF?
of course my father has sold guns illegally to this man and a few select alcoholics that live here, so he is protecting him? IDK
I was very upset, I stated that I live here and that I need to know if someone is coming in the apt when I go out, I have two pedigree cats, and my belongings, we live in the highest crime area in SF Bay area.
All of this lying, distention, just upsets me more. My mother called my father and of course fails to tell me anything to ease my mind.
My father needs a good ass kicking from someone, or major meds, he is the reason all of this occurred, he just won't act normal or like a human being.
He blames EVERYTHING on ME! So does my Mother!
I just asked a simple question.
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I forgot to add that he was in a nursing home and they told me to come get him because his medicare days were up and they had not applied for medicaid yet. I had to pay 600.00 before they would let him leave the facility because they said that was his co-pay for some of his medicare days. He has no more medicare days left until they start over and I have no idea when that is. I am also his POA for everything. He threatened to tell them I stole his money. I have only done what he told me to do but other than my husband and son there are no witnesses to that. I have read so many horror stories about caregivers being arrested based on the elderly persons word alone that I am afraid it will happen if I call for help. Dad is not hurt..just highly agitated. He finally let my son hep him off the floor but he is yelling Help every now and then. I even told him I would contact the nursing home to see if he could go back there (thats what he wants) if he would just calm down and let me clean him up and feed him. Oh No!!!! He is gonna tell the police what I did to him and have me arrested. last time he was admitted to the hospital after having one of these episodes the Dr walked in and declared him competent after only talking to him for 5 minutes.This has gone on almost all day. We are hoping he will have calmed down or forgotten all about it by tomorrow. He still refuses to get in his bed or eat. I will leave a sandwich and some fruit by his bed and he will probably eat it later. I am so done with this!!!! I try and do the right thing and he doesn't appreciate Nothing!!
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Oh poor you how awful had my first outburst from my mum yesterday she had wrong bus pass and they couldn't let her on unless she paid she hurled abuse at the bus driver language ive never heard her use ever? I was so embarrassed and so stressed that I started shaking. I think if she got like your dad illness or not I would not be able to live like this I cant imagine what you must feel like but this is not an easy illness to deal with and we can only do so much to help we are only human sometimes it gets to a point when we have to think whats best for everyone you will end up very ill if this continues I hope you find a solution.
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Do exactly what these ladies have said. Call 911 he will be evaluated by professionals. They deal with this daily and will know. It's hard to understand what's happening. But if he has dementia then it's his brain sensories out of whack. The doctors can help with something that will keep him calm. And having it documented will help when these accusations come up. It's more important for your safety and for his own. Good Luck Sweetie.
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Call 911 anyway... there will be a record at the hospital of his past accusations and the fact you have witnesses helps,,, then find a place for dad and have some peace...I hate it when it turns violent.... all we ever hear about is the elder being abused.... not the caregiver..... let us know what happens.... sending you prayers for strength...
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I agree... Enough is enough... Ask yourself if you "want" to continue living like this, when you know there are other options?
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I agree with JessieBelle. You've done what you could - your dad needs care and treatment far beyond what you can do by yourself. It sounds like he needs some kind of medication to calm him down. He could be starting to have some dementia occurring, unless he's been this way his whole life. You've done your best and it's got you and your dad stressed out to an unhealthy level for both of you. Get him some professional help. Even though you don't have records about the previous run-in with DCF, they're bound to have records of it. Call and get some help! You don't deserve to be treated this way by anyone, including your dad.
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rosie, I personally think you have done all you can for your father. Is he difficult most of the time? It may be better for all involved if he was placed in a facility. I know it is not a solution that most people prefer, but sometimes it is the best one.
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