My Dad has not slept in a bed for about 20 years. Any advice?
After his major heart attack, he was afraid to lay down because "it might hurt." Fast forward to the present, pressure sores from h*ll on his buttocks. He actually developed varicose veins on his cheeks! He bleeds horribly, we ended up in the ER this June which led to a wound specialist, vascular surgeon and lastly a general surgeon who has done three rounds of sclerotherapy. Today, she released him, "he needs to get up!" We had a hospital bed with special air pad for one day. He couldn't get in let alone roll on his side. Dad is helpless. He seems to like all the attention that is given to his derrière and won't try to help himself. Oh yes, dementia is a part of our world. Lots of blood and laundry and he seems ok with all of it. The skin is so broken down that he can't feel anything, just likes the attention. Anybody else have the attention loving senior?
(I guess I'm asking why you aren't using your get-out-of-jail-free card.)
, my husband and my 32 year old daughter. He has ankloysing spondylitis as well as congestive heart failure and a fib. Physical therapy is a joke, he has never wanted it unless you do the work for him. So he is stubborn, selfish, a big man with a big ego. He wants a magic bullet, impossible. I have tried to help, I get yelled at. This is the way he is, he calls the shots. My siblings are absentee, they know how he is. Then he asks why they don't call or come around. They have the get out of jail card!
Your profile says his primary condition is heart/stroke, but from your description the critical elements now are the skin wounds and the dementia.
If I were in your shoes I would ask the doctors if they think he is a suitable candidate for hospice. Since he is apparently not in a lot of pain they will not have a reason to sedate him. (My husband was not sedated in hospice.) In fact, as his caregiver you would be in charge of giving him meds for pain, anxiety, and anything else that would make him comfortable. (Or if he is in a facility your wishes are carried out by the staff. I've dealt with both situations.)
He may not be currently ready for hospice, but if he is considered eligible I urge you to consider it.
If he loves attention, try to give him as much as you possibly can, personally and by arranging for others to visit if possible. Don't focus all of the attention on his backside. (Hospice volunteers gave my mother attention by putting lotion on her, fussing with her hair, polishing her nails -- nothing to do with her broken hip.) If Dad belonged to any organizations or a religious community see if anybody from those groups could pay him a visit. Did he bowl or golf or play poker with certain people? Let them know he needs visitors. Talk to the social worker about volunteers visiting.
Helping him over his fears twenty years ago might have worked. Now that he has dementia I suspect medications will do more to calm him that any talk therapy. It may be worth a try, but is is hard to counsel someone who has lost the ability to reason.
Is he back at home with you? Did the social worker talk to you about in-home care? You really need some respite!
My heart goes out to you and your Dad.
I really like the therapist idea, or perhaps an antidepressant? I also understand his fear of not lying down. It sounds like he suffers from anxiety (which can also be medicated.)
I just think if his psych/dementia issues are given as much attention as his wound & vascular issues, he might show overall improvement.
Has your Dad tried any type of physical therapy to slowly get him back to lying down? Or seeing a therapist about his fear or would his dementia be in the way?