My Dad is 92 has "mild dementia" as per a psychiatrist. Does that mean he's incompetent and the POA can tell him where he should live?

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He is in an Alzheimers unit of an assistated living home. his wife lives in an apt in the Assisted living and has the POA. However, Dad wants to move 4 hrs. away to be near me, his 50 yr old daughter. Does the the POA decision to have him in an Alzheimers unit override my Dads wishes?? He is lonely, she doesn't visit much says it makes her feel bad.?? He needs some loving family to visit and bring him home for visits, care rides, etc. He is at the point of refusing to eat or take meds he is so lonely and depressed.

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Who determines when a person is incompetent.
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He can have memory problems but not be incompetent. My advice is to have the DPOA changed to you and get him close to you. Dementia is a very lonely disease. I have had my mom living with me over 6 years and I cant express all the times she needed her hand held or her legs or forehead rubbed just to stop her crying or confusion. Lots of touching and music get us through it. Medically speaking its worth the move too. Whos the health care proxy? Good luck
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peaches1901 You did not mention if you are employed, if you have children and/or husband. Also what is the chance of your skyping with him? Would the AL work with you to set this up? I agree with those who said for you to consult with a geriatric physician. Each case of dementia is so unique. I could tell you my experiences but it may not come to fruition with yours. And I so relate with your sense of panic of finding a solution for him since he is not eating. I do know from experience that when this happens, the AL will give him nutritional drinks. Is he strong willed?

Be sure that if you move him, if that occurs,, that you are doing it for him for medical improvement and not for yourself. Dementia patients are foolers. They cleverly mask their condition. When loved ones only are able to visit every now and then, dementia folks can keep one from seeing how advanced the disease is.

Also remember that your father willfully chose his wife and willfully chose her to be his POA. If he is still competent, perhaps conversation among the three of you could help decide who best should handle the remaining decisions of their lives. I like Reverseroles comment about "she was forgetful but not stupid."

Keep in touch. Fear of change for all of us is so individualized and difficult. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
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I agree with the above comments, being incompetent depends of where his deficits lay. Speak with his physician and caregivers. Is he able to state his wants, likes and dislikes? Can he tell you what kind of medical care he would want, in a rational way that makes sense? Some people with mild impairment are not necessarily incompetent. A physician can write a capable/incapable statement, in order to be deemed incompetent two physicians must state the person is not capable of managing his affairs, then a Judge must make the determination if the person is incompetent or not. You can obtain more information at your local Area Agency on Aging or Department of Social Services/Department of Health and Human services, adult protection division. I'm guessing his wife is not your mother, how long ago did he sign the POA giving her power to manage his affairs? If he was compromised then the POA may not be valid. This would be a legal issue. I know it is difficult to see a loved one suffering, sad and depressed; don't give up hope. continue to be supportive and visit as often as you can.
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PStern, assuming that you have all records concerning your father's physical and mental health up until that last crisis, I shouldn't think you'll have much trouble rebutting the first impressions of a hard-pressed junior in some random ER. Or not unless he wrote his new will in the ambulance on his way there with you holding the pen in his hand! Not that I wish to be macabre, but after a few of the stories on the Forum I'm beginning to think that nothing will amaze me again...
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You wouldn't believe it but I have a brother who is trying to have our father declared incompetitant after his passing inorder to take back changes he made to his will. His biggest aid is the ER report from our father's final visit to the hospital, when after not taking his meds for 2 days they reported that he had advanced stage dementia, when in fact just prior to stopping his meds he was pretty good.
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many good answers here
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There are good days and bad days with dementia. My mother has been diagnosed with dementia, there are days we cannot discuss things with her financially and there are other days she is sharp as a tack. I have POA and working on getting guardianship. As long as I have her full attention, we discuss what she wants done, if I feel she is not, then I make decisions on her behalf or if it can wait until she is sharp again. I had it explained to me that a dementia brain in like having a computer that goes down. The wiring misfires and the brain does not function as it should, but when the misfiring is over, then you have clarity.
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My Dr said that when Mom started with her dementia that it didnt mean she couldnt make decisions. She was forgetful but not stupid.( I mean that nicely) and we had paperwork done with her decisions. You know, as his daughter, how he really is. Does he know things like who the president is, etc things like that. Good luck, I had tears reading this, poor guy, I hope you get his to eat again and near you.
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