My Dad is 92 has "mild dementia" as per a psychiatrist. Does that mean he's incompetent and the POA can tell him where he should live?

He is in an Alzheimer unit with doctor recommendation, you don't just move someone in there. If he is not eating, he is in the final stages of Alzheimer's. Do not take him out of the unit, bad things will happen. Moving makes Alzheimer's worse. He may try to get out of a moving vehicle. He will certainly wander away from your house. His wife will be upset if he is moved. Have a long chat with his doctor and nurses. I know you want to fix the situation, but there is no fix for Alzheimer's. Make him comfortable, visit weekly, but do not attempt to move him, you will regret it horribly.

I think it's important to know what your dad's deficits are and which cognitive functions are impaired. When was he diagnosed? Look at these factors and the big picture of what is in his best interest. Families often are at odds with one another when they each feel they are doing their best for their loved one on their own. If you can try to work together as a team with your father's input to do what is in his best interest, a safe environment, and meets his wishes.

My MIL goes from one obsession to another, very frustrating! They are not capable of making rational decisions so in my mind I feel they are not competent.If we could put my MIL in a nursing home I would. It is very difficult living with them and I think as hard as it is that is probably for the best. Good luck and God Bless.

Has he been legally deemed incompetent? If not, he can go where he wants. If he has mild dementia you say. He could not be eating because he is depressed not necessarily because he is in final stages of alzheimers, that is a long stretch from early to end imo. I would talk to mom and see what is what, she is the POA.

Based on experiences with my 95-year-old mother and from observing others, I think it's not unusual for a dementia patient to obsess over something they want. Maybe it's a side effect of having lost control over so much of their life.

Whatever the cause, it isn’t going to help to give in to your father's demands. Even if you do, he's likely to come up with something else to obsess over.

Assuming the Alzheimer’s unit where he has been placed takes good care of residents, the most reasonable remedy is to help him settle where he is. He should accept the company and support of those around him. Do they have activities for the patients? If so, does he participate? Does he interact with staff and fellow residents?

If not, perhaps he would benefit from medication to calm his anxiety. The behavior you describe surely can't be pleasant for him. If he's moved, those agitated behaviors will go right along with him. Attention needs to be given to the quality of his life right where he is.

Good luck and God bless.

You do need to speak directly with his physicians. Mild dementia generally would not yet make one incompetent, and you want to be sure, that this POA and this unit he is in, isn't some kind of sneaky act on him. I take it that his wife is NOT your mother? And a person can have the POA but it's not active yet or only partially active. My Dad had diagnosed dementia for nearly 10 years before it started interfering with abilities to the point where a POA had to be put into place. And even then, to start with, I, as that POA, only handled the bills because he was forgetting. After 9 months he got worse and we did have to have him declared incompetent. I also have POA for my Mom who still lives home alone, but I pay bills and run other decisions past her...get her input because with her mild dementia she is still 'pretty OK'...just somewhat forgetful So is it possible that his wife, who finds it depressing in the memory care unit and does not visit him much, had anything to do with placing him there by giving out not quite accurate info? It may be possible to get someone admitted to Memory Care without a doctor seeing them and saying they are incompetent, but they would, for sure, be followed by a doctor after the admission. The best facilities, in my opinion, have geri-psych MDs and a psychiatrist who specializes in geriatric medicine or memory issues too. You need the doctor's input. And you need the wife's input...re: whether she is fully implementing the POA and why. IF he's not competent, then he cannot make a decision about moving, but if his wife agrees, then she can make the decision to move him near you. It appears that you are as far away as I am from my parents, and that does make it VERY difficult to be an involved daughter. I have all the phone numbers, including the home # of one of the LPNS at Dad's facility. I call, and write to him, and visit about twice a month. I am not happy totally with the set up because Mom goes to visit for about an hour/day and she does not know how to communicate with him. When I visit, he is so animated and enjoys discussing things from the past or telling stories. He is confused much of the time, but I just go along with his story and we have fun together. When mom visits alone, she will not eat with him there although he wants her to almost daily. On other days, he wants to 'take her out to dinner' but she's afraid to take him out to a restaurant alone. He wants her to stay longer and listen to him, but she doesn't know how to deal with him. So I feel bad that he is there, and I am actually considering hiring someone to go daily and just visit with him. I think you need to advocate for him, BUT you must know his current state of dementia and competency first.

There are good days and bad days with dementia. My mother has been diagnosed with dementia, there are days we cannot discuss things with her financially and there are other days she is sharp as a tack. I have POA and working on getting guardianship. As long as I have her full attention, we discuss what she wants done, if I feel she is not, then I make decisions on her behalf or if it can wait until she is sharp again. I had it explained to me that a dementia brain in like having a computer that goes down. The wiring misfires and the brain does not function as it should, but when the misfiring is over, then you have clarity.

many good answers here

I agree with the above comments, being incompetent depends of where his deficits lay. Speak with his physician and caregivers. Is he able to state his wants, likes and dislikes? Can he tell you what kind of medical care he would want, in a rational way that makes sense? Some people with mild impairment are not necessarily incompetent. A physician can write a capable/incapable statement, in order to be deemed incompetent two physicians must state the person is not capable of managing his affairs, then a Judge must make the determination if the person is incompetent or not. You can obtain more information at your local Area Agency on Aging or Department of Social Services/Department of Health and Human services, adult protection division. I'm guessing his wife is not your mother, how long ago did he sign the POA giving her power to manage his affairs? If he was compromised then the POA may not be valid. This would be a legal issue. I know it is difficult to see a loved one suffering, sad and depressed; don't give up hope. continue to be supportive and visit as often as you can.

peaches1901 You did not mention if you are employed, if you have children and/or husband. Also what is the chance of your skyping with him? Would the AL work with you to set this up? I agree with those who said for you to consult with a geriatric physician. Each case of dementia is so unique. I could tell you my experiences but it may not come to fruition with yours. And I so relate with your sense of panic of finding a solution for him since he is not eating. I do know from experience that when this happens, the AL will give him nutritional drinks. Is he strong willed?

Be sure that if you move him, if that occurs,, that you are doing it for him for medical improvement and not for yourself. Dementia patients are foolers. They cleverly mask their condition. When loved ones only are able to visit every now and then, dementia folks can keep one from seeing how advanced the disease is.

Also remember that your father willfully chose his wife and willfully chose her to be his POA. If he is still competent, perhaps conversation among the three of you could help decide who best should handle the remaining decisions of their lives. I like Reverseroles comment about "she was forgetful but not stupid."

Keep in touch. Fear of change for all of us is so individualized and difficult. I'm so sorry you are going through this.