Dad giving money to siblings without keeping for his close family or retirement. Any advice?

Tara, I can understand your frustrations, but you need to understand your Dad earned his money, thus he can do with it whatever he wants. Some people spend and give away their money, and others save and not part with a nickel.

My parents are the savers, to a point of being ridiculous at times.... it stresses me to do their grocery shopping because they will make a comment over something that cost 10 cents more than what some other store was offering.

Sounds like your Dad has been this way for over 30 years, at this point in his life there is no way you can change his ways. Just learn from him what not to do in your financial future.

I think it may be worthwhile to remember that people come to this site from all over the world. Different cultures have different attitudes towards how money is spent within a family, what kinds of financial support are to be provided as a matter of course and which are exceptional. For example, it is very common in many cultures for children to live at home rent-free long past university, and for parents to substantially contribute to their adult children's first purchase of a house. In such cultures it is seen as abnormal and especially hurtful for a parent to do otherwise, particularly if that same parent raised their child to have expectations of support that are entirely consistent with their culture.

My point is: don't assume that an adult child who is upset about not getting certain kinds of support is necessarily a spoiled brat.

From what I can tell, the whole idea that once a child turns 18 and/or finishes university the parents are justified in withdrawing all forms of financial or practical support is generally associated with Anglo-American cultures. I've known people from other cultures whose minds are blown by that concept. Personally I think it is needlessly harsh, can come back to bite parents, and is out of touch with today's economic realities.

First, you chose what degree to pursue. If it doesn't provide a decent living, that's your fault. Don't expect your father to bail you out now that you've apparently not made a wise career choice.

Second, I can't help getting the impression that you're upset more because your father isn't helping you more (you are an adult, aren't you?) and that your "concern" for your mother is really to support your allged concern for your father's disposition of his funds as he sees fit. Perhaps she's satisfied with her situation. If she is, who are you to complain?

"i still get sick about all the money he gave to others instead of taking care of us". This says it all.

You stated he's given money to charity, "FAMILY", and others. Aren't you family? He paid for your education. What more do you expect or want?

There aren't many posts that provoke my contempt but yours is one. It reeks of selfishness and total lack of concern for your parents. Grow up and take responsibility for your own actions.

Tara2128, money doesn't buy happiness. A lot of young students who are struggling to pay for college would be envious of you having your education paid for. Use that education and create your own life instead of dwelling on how your Dad had spent his money.

My significant other's grown children thought he was their personal ATM machine and they never learned to manage money themselves... now it is coming back to bite them because their Dad finally had a light bulb moment and turned off that personal ATM machine... now they don't care much for their Dad. See, it was all about money :(

By the way, at 74 years old, buying and maintaining a house is a lot of work for someone that age. He would be better being in an apartment.

Tara have you ever tried to talk to you dad about his philosophy of life? Why he chooses to give away his money to others, instead of spending it on himself and his wife, or save it for retirement? I would imagine he's learned from his relatives that either it's expected that he take care of others (is he the oldest child in his family?) or that the culture he's from requires that he takes care of others. Maybe he doesn't expect to live long after retirement...a lot of people don't, so don't save for that possibility.

Does he expect you to take care of him in old age? Did he take care of his parents? Is that a part of your concern? I agree that at this age, the chances that he will change are small. You don't say how old you are, but if you have one degree, you should be old enough to make your own way in life. Like FreqFlyer says, learn from your dad's example. Start saving for retirement early. Be generous with charity, but not so generous that it threatens your own future.

Can you take your mom to a restaurant or a trip? If you're an adult, save so that you can be the one to give her that happiness. It doesn't only have to come from your father. You're old enough to make a positive difference in your mom's life, even if your dad won't.

Tara, I think I can understand your frustration. You had a rich father but in your view other people benefited from that more than you did. Other people got houses and large gifts and your mother never got to go on trips or to fine places.

I really can understand that that would bother you a lot. And you are young enough to have not resolved your feelings about family relationships. Here's the deal, though: Your father's money, your father's decisions. Actually, I would say "your parents' money, your parents' decisions." I personally would not live in a marriage without equal say about spending -- but that was your mother's choice to make. She apparently was OK about how things were in her marriage. The real point is, how your parents' money was/is spent is Not Your Business.

Other people got more of your father's money (and therefore his attention) than his immediate family did. Did a lot of that money go to male friends and family members instead of Mom and you? In any case, you look at this situation and think "Not Fair!!!"

You may be right. Life is not fair. It is not fair that my intelligent, kind, generous husband spent the last 10 years of his life with a malfunctioning brain. It isn't fair that my sweet mother will never stand up again on her own. It isn't fair that my younger brother has been in pain from an accident 12 years ago and then also deals with cancer. Every one of us on the board could give you lots and lots of examples of how Life is Not Fair.

You are facing your own example right now. You'd like to make it a little more fair. That is not in your power. Best you accept your own situation and make it the best it can be. Your mother has made her own choices. They were not yours to make.

I urge to get some counselling -- not to find out how to change your parents, but to find peace in accepting what you cannot change.

Not your circus. Not your monkey. :D

Perhaps you could get him to agree to set aside a certain amount in trust for his care?

Dad made money, chose to give some or a lot away. Mom should have spoken up a long time ago, but if she did not or could not, that is in the past. Final stage of life is no time to make or expect changes.
Move out on your own, make your own way in life and spend your money your way.
Not sure what sort of degree you completed, but your grammar is more indicative of a troll than a university graduate. That is why some responders are calling BS, and I tend to agree.

Tara, you get a job and you help support your parents in their old age. That principle holds true across all cultures, all religions. Even if he gives away every last penny and his last stitch of clothes, your obligation remains.

I think Boni's BS meter must be way the over the red line on this one.