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My dad was an amazing influence on my life. He never judged me. He called me "beautiful" when I wasn't. He called me a "genius" when I was anything but. Today, he decided to sleep all day. He gave me a night of rest last night. I miraculously didn't need to put oxygen on him. But then, he didn't want oxygen all day. He wanted to sleep all day. It's like he just gave up. I held him by the hand, and I said, "Dad, I love you." He has given me so much. I gave him a kiss on his forehead. I rubbed his back. Finally I called our priest with my husband and the priest gave my dad his last rites. My dad didn't wake up through it. His head is so swollen. I have given him morphine to help with the pain. He hasn't waken up through it. I have called the nurses with his plight. They say if he is comfortable then he is okay. But I am not okay. I never expect it and I fight. But he wants to let go. I want to let him go, and I want to live my life. How can I? I have given so much. He gave very much to me. He is my dad and I love him and I always will.

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Yes, Mulatta. This coming winter will mark six years. My father was sick and my mom couldn't do much with him so I started going over to their house to help out and sit with my dad when my mom wanted to go out. Then March 3 - 5, 2012 they both had a health crisis which resulted in them moving to IL in April and sell their house - that's when my role as caregiver really geared up. Then when my dad passed July 2012 caregiving took over my life- looking after my mother. I've been lucky in that my parents have never lived with me and I've been able to hire caregivers - with their money - for varying periods of time. All the while Rainman has been living with me and hubby. Rainman has sever autism and mild cerebral palsy and functions at about a two yr old level. But Rainman is very sweet and gentle- a lot of work but I want to take care of him myself - I love him with all my heart!
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So Rain, you are taking care of Mom and your son?

I take care of mom and hubby...

Gen, how are things going for you?
M
8
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Genevieve - since this thread popped back up it has me wondering how you are doing. In about two weeks it will be the fourth anniversary of when I lost my father. I haven't been able to grieve for him properly as from the moment he passed my mother became my responsibility - and she's a handful. But looking after her is what my father would have wanted me to do - so I solider on. I think of my father everyday - I adored him and he was my best friend for the last 35 years of his life. Like your father, my dad was my biggest fan - alway supportive, always encouraging, always loving. I think from the day I was born I must have been Daddy's little girl. In my life he was the only person who never - not once - let me down. So - I'm thinking of you and from one Daddy's little girl to another, hope this finds you well.
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Genevieve,
I'm so sorry you are loosing your dear Father.It is so hard to watch our loved ones leave us.They say it's important to tell the loved one it's ok to go and that you will be ok but it was very hard for me to do that,but I finally did.I was never ready to loose Mother but she was so tired from fighting to stay with us so long and God has his own perfect timing and it was her time.You are in my prayers and I am thinking about you.Take care of yourself.....Lu
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And I'm grateful for all your kind comments. I feel very supported by my cyber-community of compatriots in caregiving.
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Basically exhaustion has taken over grief. I prefer exhaustion. Rain today so I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and sound of rain. Our son's job is very low demanding so he is sleeping in, as is hubbie, mom and dad. So it's very peaceful and I'm grateful for that.
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You are all sweeties and thank you so much for your outpouring of support. The priest came over and gave the last rites and prayed over my dad and mom. Dad slept through the whole thing and through the night with morphine every four hours, oxygen, hand holding and just letting him rest. He then got up yesterday long enough to have a few spoonfuls of yogurt and then back to sleep. He is peaceful. Yet skeletal. I've been coping by planting mint and basil in the yard, watering the tomatoes and tending to the apple trees, walking the dog, putting up two shelves and organizing books, also tending to mom who just wants to stay in the room with dad but amazingly mom still has an appetite like a horse. I'm trying to cut her meals in half because while she stays in the room with him it means she isn't moving about a bit and she is four feet tall with two hundred pounds so that's a round woman! They are like Frip and Frap those two, one is thin and one is fat. They are cute though, they have been married close to sixty years and always take care of each other, for better or worse. She does like her meals, my mom!
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Genevieve, You have my sympathy. I lost my dad quite unexpectedly when I was 25. I'm now 61 and I have nothing but wonderful memories of dad, as do you. Not everyone can say that. Death is a part of life and a road we all must travel. Let your dad know that you will always love him and you will be ok. Life goes on and you have to love him enough to let him go. You can do this. I believe in you. God bless you at this time.
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Dearest Genevieve, thank you for posting at this terribly hard, sad time. All we can say is that we're all thinking of you, wishing you comfort and your father a gentle passing.
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Hi Genevive, Although your dad appears to be sleeping, he can still hear you. Tell him if it is his time that you will miss him, but it's OK. Thank him for being such a good dad and for giving you the things to make a good life for yourself. Tell him not to worry about you, you will be OK. He raised you to be strong and like him. It was after I told my mom these things that she released her spirit and felt free to go. Your dad may or may not be ready, sweetie, but don't stop talking to him and holding his hand. Don't say anything in front of him and don't let anyone else say anything that you wouldn't if he were awake. The Hospice nurse will be there to help you, but these moments or days are gifts for just you and your dad. You can already tell how many of us are thinking of you and praying for you. In addition to us, you have Unseen Strength there with you.
You are in my heart and my prayers.
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Dear Gen,

Tell your dad EVERYTHING YOULOVE ABOUT HIM, HOW HE HELPED YOU THROUGH LIFE, HAPPY HIGHLIGHTS YOU SPENT TOGETHER, AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO SAY.

HE hears you

I have been without a dad all my life.

Since you have yours, pour your ♥ to thank him for all he has done and meant for you.
Write him a letter, and read it to him.

M 8 8
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What a beautiful tribute to your father. His parenting style alone is proof of a life well spent.

How blessed you were, to have a fine man like him guide you into adulthood. And your father was blessed to have your loving care during his difficult years. A sad goodbye, for sure.

You have a delightful spirit; it comes through in your writing. Now I know where you got it! You will always honor your father -- simply by "being yourself." :-)

Wishing you comfort, as dad is relieved of his suffering. You did your part beautifully. Go forward with his love.
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Genevive, such a hard thing to go through. Know that your dad knows and is very grateful for all you have done for him. He wants you to now live your life, find the support you need. Hospice should have a social worker on staff that could help you through this. Many hospice in my area also have grief support grouos when the time comes. Manychurches do as well.

Thinking of you and dad.
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Genevieve, I have a feeling he said you were beautiful and smart because you are. Dads like that are one in a million. You have been so blessed to have him in your life. I know he felt blessed also. I know that you will miss having him here on earth with you. I like to believe that our loved ones will be waiting for us on the other side of the door when it comes our time.

(((((Genevieve)))))
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Genevieve, I am so sorry, and I know exactly how you feel too! My parents were everything to us, both such wonderful people. My Dad, like yours was my biggest supporter, and Loved me and my 5 siblings like there was no tomorrow. You must be incredibly Proud to call him Dad, and of course he is so proud of how you have been the one who stepped up to help, when your folks really needed you. I know that it is very sad time, but remember that you have had the best, not many people get to say that, and you will always have your memories of the wonderful times together, and nobody can take that away from you. This just might be his time to go, and you will need to make peace with that, but it's so hard to let go. I will be thinking and praying for you and your family as his time nears, so please take care!
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I'm sorry you are in so much pain. It is clear that your dad is an amazing and loving person. Your love will certainly endure.
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Genevieve, I am so sorry. Your dad sounds like he is a very special person and wonderful dad. It must comfort him a great deal that you have been there for him. I will keep you and your dad in my prayers tonight.
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Genevieve I am so sorry.. He knows how much you love him and will always be watching over you.
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