If you spent years caring for your ill father friends, or so called friends quickly dump you. At least that was my experience.. He is at peace now and you must try to rebuild your life. Ask yourself this, would your father want you to hurt and suffer? Of course not. He'd want you to go on and make a life.
Libby I'm never married, no kids. I've been caregiving for my 96 year old mom for 13 years. I know how caregiving can take over your life, but you have a life outside of your father!
If you are suicidal, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255! Once you get over the immediate emergency, you can work to find yourself again. Surely your dad wouldn't want you to give up on life because he passed away? You have so much to offer others through your caregiving experience.
Please get some help and come back here and tell us you're OK! We care, because we get it.
Thank you so much to all of you for all your words and help. Your kindness is overwhelming. I take comfort from knowing that my Dad is reunited with my Mum as they were apart for 15yrs and he really missed her. I know that I need time but things are just so raw at present.
Once again, thank you all so much. God Bless you and may 2016 be your best year yet. x
Libby now is the time to honour you parents by fulfilling their dreams for you: that you learn to be happy, healthy and live a purposeful life. You will carry their love in your hearts forever a constant reminder of all they meant to you xxxx 2016 will get brighter xxxxx
Libby - I feel your pain. I'm an only child with no other relatives in the country - ever. In my early 30's, my father, my hero, was diagnosed with advanced cancer and I dropped my career, my friends to care for him and for my mother, who had her set of health issues. My father expired in 2007 - to this day, I miss him very, very much - and always will. I was such a mess - for a very long time, like years, after he expired because I didn't realize how much of a profound impact he had on my life until he was gone. I'm now solo caregiving for my slowly declining mother. I'm 44 and children of my own are not in my future - but I also believe this wasn't supposed to be my path based on our family story. Because of caregiving, I'm a better person for it. I've learned so much about myself and I know that I'll soar one day because I've been through Hell caregiving both very ill parents all by myself. However, I hope to meet a man, who already has children. You, like many of us female caregivers, were taking care of children but our children were our aging parents. You already are a mother. I think when the time is right, you should go out and date and maybe you'll meet a wonderful partner who already has children. Caregiving is a HUGE sacrifice both personally and professionally - and there will be people who will understand this and appreciate you even more for your selfish devotion. If you're not interested in dating, just get out there and meet people because you never know what the law of attraction will bring! :-) It's okay for you to feel pain, to feel lost...you need to feel these waves of hurt, over and over if need be, in order to move on. Your father would not want you to be miserable - none of our aging parents would. When you're ready, get your shoes on and take the first step to re-learn what Life is - without the caregiving. Your father will be so happy for you. I promise. :-)
Libby..please dont give up! Call the hotline for immediate support!!
I am also never married and no kids. I am caregiver for my elderly parents and am also all alone....so i will be where you are at some point as well. You are not alone!
I will be checking back on this thread for an update.
What helps me the most is volunteering. There are many different opportunities to try until you find the right fit for your talents. If caregiving is your interest, there are other seniors who need you as much as your father did. You are adjusting to a new normal, and you have some control over what that will be. It will get more tolerable with time. So sorry for your poor heart right now, I know it's hard. It's been 9 years for me and I still cry.
Libby, did your father have special interests that you could pursue on his behalf, as a kind of tribute to him? When my sister died, one of her friends purchased a brick, I believe from the humane society in her area. it was inscribed with a memorial note for my sister, since she loved animals and took in strays and animals in need. And that donation helped the animal society in that area.
Perhaps you could follow your father's path and offer services to an organization or cause that he supported, recognizing that the bonds you shared enabled you to do this for him.
A few people I know planted trees or shrubs in honor of a deceased relative.
Exhausted's suggestion of volunteering is also a good one. It helps a person reach outside of him or herself to help others in need, and realize how much support you can offer to them.
There are many other good suggestions as well; perhaps you can create your own solution from the good ideas others have shared.
Perhaps most importantly, give yourself time to grieve....all the time you need.
I also think Jazzy's idea of a support group, interests or hobbies to pursue is a good idea.
Great suggestions people as always, you may need to have a bit of meds to help you through the grieving process as temporary measure, just to dull the pain a little. It will hurt to lose your Dad. Mine died 17 years ago and I still feel the pain but I now also feel the warmth and love we had and that bond never goes away - you wouldn't want it to either. i know he is with me in my heart all the time and he will never leave me. Take comfort in that for while people may die the memories and wonders of their lives remain with us always
If you are suicidal, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255! Once you get over the immediate emergency, you can work to find yourself again. Surely your dad wouldn't want you to give up on life because he passed away? You have so much to offer others through your caregiving experience.
Please get some help and come back here and tell us you're OK! We care, because we get it.
Once again, thank you all so much. God Bless you and may 2016 be your best year yet. x
I am also never married and no kids. I am caregiver for my elderly parents and am also all alone....so i will be where you are at some point as well. You are not alone!
I will be checking back on this thread for an update.
((Hugs)))
Perhaps you could follow your father's path and offer services to an organization or cause that he supported, recognizing that the bonds you shared enabled you to do this for him.
A few people I know planted trees or shrubs in honor of a deceased relative.
Exhausted's suggestion of volunteering is also a good one. It helps a person reach outside of him or herself to help others in need, and realize how much support you can offer to them.
There are many other good suggestions as well; perhaps you can create your own solution from the good ideas others have shared.
Perhaps most importantly, give yourself time to grieve....all the time you need.
I also think Jazzy's idea of a support group, interests or hobbies to pursue is a good idea.
See All Answers