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I never had children and he was my life. Help

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Libby seems like everyone on this site cares for you very much, as I do too.
Please try and seek some help. Go to a dementIa support group, or call the Alzheimer's hotline they can help.

But we haven't heard from you in a while, how are you doing?
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I am the head caregiver for both my parents, and I have recently hit rock bottom like that because I am close to my mother more than my dad. It kills me inside that my family is going through this with this demetria crap. We must keep going strong. I am here for you.
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Hi Libby. I'm so sorry you're going through what you're going through. My Mom died 5 years ago and I thought the grief would start abating, but honestly I miss her more with each passing year. It's to the point that I'm going to look into grief counseling. Because one thing I know for certain is that she would want me to live my life fully and enjoy it. And I can tell you that having my friends helps a very great deal. I don't have any family around where I live, and my friends have become like my second family. I cherish them and lean on them for a lot. Do you have any interests you can pursue? I've made all of my friends through my writing and filmmaking projects. Sharing common interests with others helps develop bonds that could return you to that sense of fulfillment that caring for your Dad gave you. Just know that there are others out here feeling what you do. My prayers go out for you.
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Hey Libby, just checking in with you. Thank you for the New Years wishes!
We are having lots of rain, keeping us indoors. How is it where you are?
Are you able to tolerate some distraction by watching t.v.? Are you alone alot?
How a r e you today? Love, from Send.
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Libby now is the time to honour you parents by fulfilling their dreams for you: that you learn to be happy, healthy and live a purposeful life. You will carry their love in your hearts forever a constant reminder of all they meant to you xxxx 2016 will get brighter xxxxx
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Just read this article today... Thought it was pretty good... http://www.denverpost.com/lifestyles/ci_29326603/new-years-choose-be-grateful
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Hang in there!! This is an opportunity for you to febuild your life.
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I Love you Libby... Many of us have this dark hour... Our parents want us to go on with our lives (like they did)... My mother told me that in my depression... Keep co,img back here...
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I love you Libby!!!!... Many of us go through dark times... (Including me)... But, our parents would always want us to go on (like they did) and live our life to it's fullest (I have to take my own advise, as my mother has gotten very upset with me in my darkest hours)... I'm sure your's would want you to go on and try and be happy (we all can't be happy all the time).... Keep coming back to us... Ok? Lots of love!!!
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Thank you so much to all of you for all your words and help. Your kindness is overwhelming. I take comfort from knowing that my Dad is reunited with my Mum as they were apart for 15yrs and he really missed her. I know that I need time but things are just so raw at present.

Once again, thank you all so much. God Bless you and may 2016 be your best year yet. x
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Would you like some tea or hot chocolate? You choose.
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Libby, You said you cannot see any future. No one can look into the future, but once the tears clear up a bit, you can start to plan your future.

You said you are suicidal. That is a serious place to be at. Do not act on those feelings, and it would be best if you don't entertain any thoughts in that direction.
Go to the nearest E.R. or call a suicide hotline, tell them. If you can plan a suicide attempt, you can, and will be able to plan a better life than you feel you are having right now. Life is 100 times harder after one sinks to the lowest debths and has to climb up from there., after recovering from the assault on your body and mind.
Then, there is the forced hospitalization and time wasted doing nothing but therapy, recovery, and on your dime, on someone else's schedule.

Give yourself some time, and do not hurt the little child inside your heart.
You will need medical help if you are not eating or sleeping, or thinking straight.
The right medications can turn your thinking around in 3 days to 3 weeks. Then, you don't have to stay on them forever unless there is a diagnosis that requires meds. Try to embrace a little bit of that freedom you now have that is creeping up on you and scary to you right now.

Now re-make your bed, straighten up your room, wash your face, and take care of the sad part by being very kind to yourself. Is there a friend or family member you forgot? Can they come over? The holidays are hard enough on us all, but you have added loss. So sorry you are going through this! I hope someone can visit with you. If not, keep writing to us here. Some of my friends will read your posts and get back to you over the next hours and days. Keep checking back Libby.
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Great suggestions people as always, you may need to have a bit of meds to help you through the grieving process as temporary measure, just to dull the pain a little. It will hurt to lose your Dad. Mine died 17 years ago and I still feel the pain but I now also feel the warmth and love we had and that bond never goes away - you wouldn't want it to either. i know he is with me in my heart all the time and he will never leave me. Take comfort in that for while people may die the memories and wonders of their lives remain with us always
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Libby, did your father have special interests that you could pursue on his behalf, as a kind of tribute to him? When my sister died, one of her friends purchased a brick, I believe from the humane society in her area. it was inscribed with a memorial note for my sister, since she loved animals and took in strays and animals in need. And that donation helped the animal society in that area.

Perhaps you could follow your father's path and offer services to an organization or cause that he supported, recognizing that the bonds you shared enabled you to do this for him.

A few people I know planted trees or shrubs in honor of a deceased relative.

Exhausted's suggestion of volunteering is also a good one. It helps a person reach outside of him or herself to help others in need, and realize how much support you can offer to them.

There are many other good suggestions as well; perhaps you can create your own solution from the good ideas others have shared.

Perhaps most importantly, give yourself time to grieve....all the time you need.


I also think Jazzy's idea of a support group, interests or hobbies to pursue is a good idea.
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Sorry to hear about the passing of your Dad. You might want to consider a support group or using interests/hobbies to help you get through. Whatever you choose remember you are a unique individual with talents and skills. Now is the chance for you to shine. Stay well and be strong. You CAN overcome. Lots of hugs!
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Thank you for your kind words.
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What helps me the most is volunteering. There are many different opportunities to try until you find the right fit for your talents. If caregiving is your interest, there are other seniors who need you as much as your father did. You are adjusting to a new normal, and you have some control over what that will be. It will get more tolerable with time. So sorry for your poor heart right now, I know it's hard. It's been 9 years for me and I still cry.
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Thank you for ur kind words. I know that my wonderful Dad is with me always.
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Libby - It is painful - but it's part of life. The people we love never really leave us as they always reside in our heart. As time goes on and acceptance of the loss sets in,,,find peace and joy in the small things (the colors of a sunset, the feel of wind blowing, the scent of a flower) and coping with the larger things in life will get easier.

Last month, I took my 90 year old father to Florida. Mom died in April - they were married 65 years. I cannot fathom the enormity of his loss. But he stood on the beach, looked up at the beautiful blue sky and said "It is good to be alive on a sunny day on the beach." Until that moment, I don't think he felt that it was good to be alive at all since Mama passed.....I think he found his first small step. Find yours, Libby - and God bless you.
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Im also glad you are feeling better Libby! Please come back and let us know how you are doing. This must be a very hard time for you now...take it one day at a time and start discovering who you are without your Dad.

We should form a little support group..us single caregivers... :).

I also think of what my life will be like after my parents are gone. When you are a caregiver and parents start declining..others (both relatives and friends) tend to back away of both me and my parents..so they have become the central focus on my life. I know it will be very hard for me as well and i have been thinking a lot about what my life will be like when that time comes.

There is a whole world out there Libby..you deserve some happiness. You might have to explore around a bit to discover it.


((((Hugs)))
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Libby - I feel your pain. I'm an only child with no other relatives in the country - ever. In my early 30's, my father, my hero, was diagnosed with advanced cancer and I dropped my career, my friends to care for him and for my mother, who had her set of health issues. My father expired in 2007 - to this day, I miss him very, very much - and always will. I was such a mess - for a very long time, like years, after he expired because I didn't realize how much of a profound impact he had on my life until he was gone. I'm now solo caregiving for my slowly declining mother. I'm 44 and children of my own are not in my future - but I also believe this wasn't supposed to be my path based on our family story. Because of caregiving, I'm a better person for it. I've learned so much about myself and I know that I'll soar one day because I've been through Hell caregiving both very ill parents all by myself. However, I hope to meet a man, who already has children. You, like many of us female caregivers, were taking care of children but our children were our aging parents. You already are a mother. I think when the time is right, you should go out and date and maybe you'll meet a wonderful partner who already has children. Caregiving is a HUGE sacrifice both personally and professionally - and there will be people who will understand this and appreciate you even more for your selfish devotion. If you're not interested in dating, just get out there and meet people because you never know what the law of attraction will bring! :-) It's okay for you to feel pain, to feel lost...you need to feel these waves of hurt, over and over if need be, in order to move on. Your father would not want you to be miserable - none of our aging parents would. When you're ready, get your shoes on and take the first step to re-learn what Life is - without the caregiving. Your father will be so happy for you. I promise. :-)
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Libby I'm SO glad you came back and checked in with us and you're feeling better. Please keep coming back and letting us know how you're doing. We're all in this together! Hugs to you from one single caregiver to another.
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Thank you all for ur support. I have calmed down a lot. I still cannot believe that he has gone. I need to take each day as it comes. Once again thank you. I don't feel so alone.
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Its hard. Its even harder with children as they watch you sit in pain. I have took care of everyone since i could remember. Im on meds to keep me from crying all the time. You may feel alone but your not. Find away to occupy your time with ppl or animals or religion. I am now helping my nieghbors and making others aware of things i had to go through with both my parents whom has passed. At 18 i lost my dad and have been depressed ever since that was 1998. Lost my mom this year. Because of all my stress i ended up hurt at work needing to work all i could to keep the bills paid. Now im stuck at home when work was my life. I took on the task of helping my elderly nieghbors. Some who are going through the same issues as my mother and it gives me a since of belonging and pride
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Libby..please dont give up! Call the hotline for immediate support!!

I am also never married and no kids. I am caregiver for my elderly parents and am also all alone....so i will be where you are at some point as well. You are not alone!

I will be checking back on this thread for an update.


((Hugs)))
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Libby I'm never married, no kids. I've been caregiving for my 96 year old mom for 13 years. I know how caregiving can take over your life, but you have a life outside of your father!

If you are suicidal, please call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255! Once you get over the immediate emergency, you can work to find yourself again. Surely your dad wouldn't want you to give up on life because he passed away? You have so much to offer others through your caregiving experience.

Please get some help and come back here and tell us you're OK! We care, because we get it.
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You can try bereavement support ( near zip code). You might find this group helpful. You may need to go for one on one counseling or get on antidepressants temporarily. Then start excersizing.
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Call a suicide hotline. Go to a therapist .Volunteer with children, animals, or seniors.
Join Daily Strength. Online site with a lonleness and depression section. Where you can post messages and listen to others with simular problems.
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If you spent years caring for your ill father friends, or so called friends quickly dump you. At least that was my experience.. He is at peace now and you must try to rebuild your life. Ask yourself this, would your father want you to hurt and suffer? Of course not. He'd want you to go on and make a life.
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Friends have lost touch. Close family live in another country.
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