You are all still in a highly emotionally charged situation. Can you ask your Mom to wait a 6 months and then if she really wants pallitive care only you will support her? And make sure she has antidepressants for those 6 months.....
Yes, ask her to wait just a while longer. Give her lots of evidence that you love her, and understand her pain. Guilt her just a little, and ask her to give you time to get over Dad first. Chances are at least 50-50 that in a few weeks she will feel differently, especially with antidepressants.
On the other hand, I am mildly envious of couples who loved each other so much they didn't want to go on alone. If her health is very poor, it might be a kindness to let her go. I admit I'm grateful I never had to face a situation like this.
There are a few nuts here who will tell you you sound selfish, but most of us understand all too well. Give yourself a night off, and maybe get a bit drunk or watch a weepy movie or a nutty comedy. Your Mom wants you to be happy - or she normally would. Take care of yourself and her, and let some of the paperwork wait, if you can.
This is a triple sad time for you. The worst will pass, but I don't know how long it will take. Hugs.
no she cannot come home. Im afraid id never get her to get out of the car.
My dad had a mrsa infection in his lungs, mom a mrsa infection on the bottom and my sister a huge infection on her abdomen abd she lost two toes. My brother will not cone around because his son is immune comprimised. So that leaces me working to jobs and attending to her needs and emotional welfare in addition to ALL the darn paperwork and bills etc which have to be finalized. Im exhausted as everytime i have a break or lunch, im doing something to work on my moms situation. I have a therapist but i dont think anyone understands how close i am to giving up. if not for my grandchildren and children id just lay down and die. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to help mom as she has no one looking out for her interest. Shes also is on dialysis. I kmow it sounds selfish but i feel trapped
My father had Parkinson's Disease and my mother has Alzheimer's Disease. My father developed a chest full of blood clots from not moving around enough. He developed pneumonia while in the hospital. I used my medical power of attorney to refuse medical care for the pneumonia. We sent him to hospice where he was kept comfortable while he peacefully slipped away in the night. It was exactly what he would have wanted. I still cry over losing him, and it has been 1.5 years since his passing. The holidays make my suffering ten times as bad as other days. I wouldn't count on antidepressants to make your mother's suffering lighten up rapidly. It took about 1 year for my docs to get the meds and dosages right. I would ask your Mom if she'd like to go to hospice and be left to slip away peacefully. There are no nurses in uniforms, no monitors, blood checks, etc. Just peace ... God bless and keep you and your family.
i'm sorry for the loss of your father and this difficult situation you're currently experiencing. maybe ask the nursing home to see if they can provide grief counseling for your mom. see if somebody in your family (your siblings* or your grown kids) can pitch in and help with the paperwork.
*i don't know what your siblings are like but helping you out with the paperwork may take their minds off their personal problems. your adult kids may want to help you take some load off but don't know how to. if you know this request is bound to cause family issues, then maybe ignore this suggestion--it just seems unfair for you to have to bear the responsibilities all on your own.
stay strong, breathe in, breathe out, and take it one day at a time (i know, easier said...)
sorry, i just now noticed you posted this some time ago. it's late (i just got up to help mom go to the bathroom); i hope the situation has eased up for you by now...
On the other hand, I am mildly envious of couples who loved each other so much they didn't want to go on alone. If her health is very poor, it might be a kindness to let her go. I admit I'm grateful I never had to face a situation like this.
This is a triple sad time for you. The worst will pass, but I don't know how long it will take. Hugs.
My dad had a mrsa infection in his lungs, mom a mrsa infection on the bottom and my sister a huge infection on her abdomen abd she lost two toes. My brother will not cone around because his son is immune comprimised. So that leaces me working to jobs and attending to her needs and emotional welfare in addition to ALL the darn paperwork and bills etc which have to be finalized. Im exhausted as everytime i have a break or lunch, im doing something to work on my moms situation. I have a therapist but i dont think anyone understands how close i am to giving up. if not for my grandchildren and children id just lay down and die. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to help mom as she has no one looking out for her interest. Shes also is on dialysis. I kmow it sounds selfish but i feel trapped
*i don't know what your siblings are like but helping you out with the paperwork may take their minds off their personal problems. your adult kids may want to help you take some load off but don't know how to. if you know this request is bound to cause family issues, then maybe ignore this suggestion--it just seems unfair for you to have to bear the responsibilities all on your own.
stay strong, breathe in, breathe out, and take it one day at a time (i know, easier said...)
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