Mom has finally gone into a nursing home. Dad was there but died 2 days after she arrived. She has lost the will to live.

Follow
Share

She had told me she wants to quit going to dialysis. She calls crying hysterically every day wanting me to come get her.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
15

Answers

Show:
My mother died at a Nursing Home and my Dad died 5 days later...seems some couples do this. Oliveoyl
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

sorry, i just now noticed you posted this some time ago. it's late (i just got up to help mom go to the bathroom); i hope the situation has eased up for you by now...
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

i'm sorry for the loss of your father and this difficult situation you're currently experiencing. maybe ask the nursing home to see if they can provide grief counseling for your mom. see if somebody in your family (your siblings* or your grown kids) can pitch in and help with the paperwork.

*i don't know what your siblings are like but helping you out with the paperwork may take their minds off their personal problems. your adult kids may want to help you take some load off but don't know how to. if you know this request is bound to cause family issues, then maybe ignore this suggestion--it just seems unfair for you to have to bear the responsibilities all on your own.

stay strong, breathe in, breathe out, and take it one day at a time (i know, easier said...)
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Hi,

Feeling bad about your mom. She need support and care from you .In nursing home they provides all care but family is important.Go to her,bring her back in home and give her all cares .I know you can do it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

There are a few nuts here who will tell you you sound selfish, but most of us understand all too well. Give yourself a night off, and maybe get a bit drunk or watch a weepy movie or a nutty comedy. Your Mom wants you to be happy - or she normally would. Take care of yourself and her, and let some of the paperwork wait, if you can.

This is a triple sad time for you. The worst will pass, but I don't know how long it will take. Hugs.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

My father had Parkinson's Disease and my mother has Alzheimer's Disease. My father developed a chest full of blood clots from not moving around enough. He developed pneumonia while in the hospital. I used my medical power of attorney to refuse medical care for the pneumonia. We sent him to hospice where he was kept comfortable while he peacefully slipped away in the night. It was exactly what he would have wanted. I still cry over losing him, and it has been 1.5 years since his passing. The holidays make my suffering ten times as bad as other days. I wouldn't count on antidepressants to make your mother's suffering lighten up rapidly. It took about 1 year for my docs to get the meds and dosages right. I would ask your Mom if she'd like to go to hospice and be left to slip away peacefully. There are no nurses in uniforms, no monitors, blood checks, etc. Just peace ... God bless and keep you and your family.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

no she cannot come home. Im afraid id never get her to get out of the car.

My dad had a mrsa infection in his lungs, mom a mrsa infection on the bottom and my sister a huge infection on her abdomen abd she lost two toes. My brother will not cone around because his son is immune comprimised. So that leaces me working to jobs and attending to her needs and emotional welfare in addition to ALL the darn paperwork and bills etc which have to be finalized. Im exhausted as everytime i have a break or lunch, im doing something to work on my moms situation. I have a therapist but i dont think anyone understands how close i am to giving up. if not for my grandchildren and children id just lay down and die. I feel a strong sense of responsibility to help mom as she has no one looking out for her interest. Shes also is on dialysis. I kmow it sounds selfish but i feel trapped
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

To cheer her up through this, I wonder if she could possibly come home, at least for a visit.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Yes, get help and get her to hang on, whatever else is going on, she's just lost her independence, and now her spouse. She can't help feeling she's lost "everything" and most people entertain thoughts of "why go on" when in the grip of acute grief like this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

What she's feeling is normal I would think. She's having health problems, which must be frightening in and of itself, then lost the love of her life. I vaguely remember when my great-grandfather died, my great-grandmother was never happy after that. She followed him five years later. She got placed in a NH not long before she died and cursed her children, saying she hoped they ended up in one too. This was after she would go between houses, staying with one great-uncle for a while, then another, then with a great-aunt, etc. My grandmother would've taken her in if she'd had the room and the time. She was also caring for my aunt who was mentally challenged, so she would've had her hands full with her mother and her daughter. Just try to visit her as much as you can and let her cry, vent or whatever. I don't know what else to say.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions