My father had a lawyer revoke me as POA, having advanced dementia how could his lawyer do it?

I am so sorry you going through this. My heart goes out to you!!

The only thing I know is if you have documented proof your father is mentally incompetent, then you can get an attorney to file for guardianship or conservatorship. It is costly. I live in CA and here it is around $5,000.00. It also can take up to 9 months but to speed it up you can declare it an emergency which will cost more. My suggestion is to seek the advice of an elder law attorney, not one associated with your parents attorney. Hugs to you!!

Zoolife Hi. Your story resonates with me because I have just gone through a nightmare with parents who are 92 and living in their own home. Five months ago, when visiting them to do their garden, cook and shop for them and generally care for them as they have declining health, my father 'accidentally' let it slip that I no longer get the house when they die! For 20 years I had thought I was to inherit it, as they gave my brother money 20 years ago and not me. When I expressed shock, he verbally attacked me and said he had told me two years earlier. He kept ranting and raving and then my mother joined in. When I asked them to explain, he just tried to fob me off with lies. It was horrendous. The upshot was that I got up to walk out, with my husband, and my father told me, don't come here again, and 'we don't need your help'. It was like a knife through my heart. I haven't spoken to them for 5 months, but have learnt that they have handed money over to my brother 'for his failing business', and have slandered me to my aunt, and humiliated and ridiculed me in the eyes of my brother and wife (who I haven't spoken to for years). My brother has poisoned my parents minds against me in order to get Will changed and to extract money from them, and I have had a nervous breakdown. In October my parents sent me a birthday card and a cheque for a small sum, but no apology or explanation, and I am so numb, I didn't have any feelings at all when they made this contact with me. I am trying to get on with my life, but fear for my mother's health, and I realise that there is a very very nasty situation here. Now I can see more clearly, a few months down the line, I believe that there has been great evil carried out, because it takes an enormous force to separate a mother and daughter who have always loved each other (they are 92, I am 65), and, my parents are susceptible and have had their minds turned against me by my brother. I was suicidal, but my parents showed no empathy, or normal judgement, and I believe they have mild dementia, but no one else recognises this. My father's rage was totally out of all proportion to the situation, and I believe it was guilt, plus possible temporary mental illness as well as mild dementia! But now I have to live with it, knowing my mother will feel abandoned, as I cannot go through the horror again of being told "it is nothing to do with you what we do with our money"!!! What a nightmare. So you are not alone. Best wishes to you.

I, too, am very sorry you are going through this.

Being narcissistic doesn't disqualify someone from changing their POA. Making terrible decisions doesn't disqualify someone from making decisions. Only being judged to be incompetent (in the legal sense) prevents someone from acting on their own behalf. Do the documents you have from doctors specifically say your father is incompetent? Has a court ruled on this issue?

Your mother cannot change your father's POA, whether she is competent or not. Only your father can do that. So I am a little confused about what she was asked to sign. Did she perhaps also change her POA?

It is not up to the lawyer to decide whether changing the POA was based on good reasons. If the client wants it changed AND the client is legally competent, the client can have it changed.

So we are back to the question of your father's competency. Do you feel that he was competent to name you POA at the time that occurred, but not later when he removed you? How much time elapsed between naming you and removing you? What happened to his health/mental status in that period? What kind of documentation do you have of that cognitive decline?

I know that you are working very hard to try to see that things happen in your parents' best interest. Be proud of that, whatever the outcome.

My father had to be restrained and tied to the bed at the veterans hospital in January. All mental evaluations stated he is severely impaired. I read the examination they gave him the other night. I recorded my conversations with my mother she didn't know how she got to the hospital, and told the crazy story that was so mixed up, I recorded it. This attorney told me at the time of evaluation that the doctors letters did quite say that my parents where capable of signing the durable but she wanted to send a standard questionnaire to the doctors which would allow them to answer the questions so she could proceed. She told me guardianship would have to be filed if the questions aren't answered in the proper form. I can't get the hospital staff to hear me I called them last night and they said your mother is resting and seems fine. Mother doesn't know how she got the hospital if she fell or not, she said they were going to have dinner, and had been to Ford Motor Company (where my father retired) that Ford had a nice place backed up to their property in Dillwyn where they haven't lived in 15 years. Ford is not a restaurant, my mother said my father was in the front yard with a customer when she was confused and the neighbor was there. If their neighbor hadn't have been there my father didn't know to call for help. And yes me mother said she signed something the attorney came to the hospital. The hospital won't tell me anything my father hasn't told them I can know. My father has slandered me to the family as a liar, theft the demonic messages he left on my cell phone are horrible. I hate seeing injustice done, I believe this attorney and her elder manager friend are going to take advantage of them. Before I left to come back home she called my dad and ask him if anyone else was on the line so they could speak. I know this because my father was standing in front of me and repeated to her know there is no one else on the line. All the neighbors have volunteered to speak on my behalf to testify to my dads behavior. That means my life is back on hold I'd have to fight back to Virginia put myself up in the hotel, go to court and fork out a bunch of money I can't afford. But maybe this is the best they choose this my father hates, his neighbors said he has no idea how blessed he is to have me as his daughter, they know I've done everything to protect them. I still havent' found work I'm not really in great mental shape with all this stress to focus on my life. So many of my friends just tell me you've got to cut them loose they are destroying you.

Zoolife, you've got to cut them loose -- they are destroying you.

I truly am sorry for you. You are trying to do the right thing by your parents. They don't want the right thing. And it sounds like they never have, even before the dementia. Don't continue beating your head against a brick wall.

Jennagibbs, Your right this has destroyed me, and given me a new life, as I will carry on! My father has shown the core of a man he is and always has been, even before the dementia. His own former friends has validated that for me. The things they've told me about my dad I always suspected and are shameful to me. I don't want to be anything like him, either of them, and will work hard to remove any character defects in myself they could have been transferred to me from growing up in their home. God's Blessed me in this! Thank you all for listening to me all this time on my journey, but it's coming to an end with them. They don't want their daughter, so I'm not going to fight for them. The attorney can take over their care, that's what my parents want. They've slandered me to what little family I had his sisters which I'm divorcing as well! God Bless you all for standing with me on this!

Now the attorney that wants to be in control of my father and mothers Trust fund wants me to make a check payable to her, stating my father will not sue me at this time provide I release it to my incompetent father to give to that greed unscrupulous bi@$% of an attorney. She bit#%# just woke up the WARRIOR PRINCESS IN ME! She knows she's screwed up and I can prove it. I've filed a formal compliant with the Supreme Court State Bar in Virginia. She has nothing to stand on and I've already exposed her for the greedy women she is. Her website states how they bring unity to families in these times, amongst other lies. She done, she doesn't want to file a suit if she did it will expose what she's done. Then I will file a frivolous suit against her, and abuse of the elderly along with conflict of interest and anything else I can throw at her

lilith53 So sorry your family is divided. I just can't believe some of the stories I've read, or others have told me of their own family end of life issues! I never wanted this to happen, my only intention has been to help my parents, who needs the abuse. I tell you this the attorney that believe I was going to roll over and walk away I can't I will stop her. I can prove she has done everything fraudulently. The fact that I've done nothing if this does go to court it will only show I've done nothing and I will go after her, and my father won't be to happy with her at this point either! I believe that there is going to be spiritual accountability that will over ride anything this attorney is lying to my folks she can do for them. She would be a fool to try and continue to represent them since she has a formal complaint filed with the state bar.

Jennymac, I am so terribly sorry for your heart break over your parents. They did treat you horrendously you didn't deserve that. Forgive as I've been trying to put my life back together and haven't been on this blog for sometime because it was to painful even to be here. I hope you've received some healing Jennymac, yes your story resonates with me as well. My mother won't even speak with me now my father has poisoned her against me I suppose. They never called me unless my father wanted to threaten me over his little bitty money. Truly it's not much. I'm trying to get peace I too stopped contact with them. Without contacting me the attorney had an estate sale the neighbors called me 2 weeks after the sale to ask me if I knew about it, I said know. A month later I looked on line my parent house is for sale I was never notified. I feel betrayed, they shut be out of their lives years ago. I no longer will have anything to do with them as everything I tried was never good enough. The pain I sustained is their shame of who they are. My heart goes out to you Jennymac I do hope you are in much better place now.

Dear Zoo
My husband just went through a similar situation with a demented mother and a traitor son who stole my husband's and his sister's inheritance. He abducted my mother I law from our house and took her to her financial advisor and she transfered 75% of her trust fund to his name and the rest of the money to his sister, brother and all their kids.. The whole family went to hell because of the greed of a son. Now my husband is being kept from contacting his own mother who he had POA and pre needed guardianship from 20 years ago.. They poisoned the old lady to hate her own son and daughter (my hubby and his sister) and my poor hubby misses his mother since they had a wonderful relationship and he took care of her ever since his father died back in 1986 .. Now my husband lost his mother, his sons and daughter and in the midst of all the mess got into an argument with his sister (cause she teamed with his son about all the legal issues cause she wanted to keep the guardianship on the finances so my husband's son would not waste his grandmother's money and then the court would come after my sister in law's money for support of their mother ) so .. My advise to all of you is to support your spouse in distress and detach from the toxic people in the family .. The Laws in this country are CRAP! And helped all this group of greedy people separate a mother and a son who barely months ago were best friends and because dementia and poisoning from a greedy con artis now she sees him as her enemy .... Just let go of them .. Hand the hassle to other hands and free yourselves from toxic people !! Good luck all