I have moved into my parents home to help my mom take care of my 91 year old dad with dementia. Doctors say he shouldn't be left alone. He gets up 3-5 times during the night to go to the bathroom, and once he's in there, he needs help putting new diapers on and getting his pants back on. So basically, my mom keeps an eye on him during the day, and I help him when he wakes up at night. Luckily I work from home and can sleep in, so the setup hasn't been horrible, except it's difficult for either of us to leave the house. He can't really be left alone. Twice when we have been in the other room and not paying enough attention, he has used plastic cups on the stove and melted them.
We have hired a home health aide to come for 5 hours a day, two times a week, so that we can both have a break and maybe go do things together sometimes.
The problem is that he is incredibly angry about someone coming to watch him. He says he is not a baby or an idiot and he can be left alone by himself. We've tried to explain to him that we don't think he's dumb, but that he does sometimes need help, and we want someone to be here in case he needs help. He doesn't want to hear it, and is obviously upset that he is losing independence. I don't think he's noticed that we are making a conscious effort for one of us to be with him all the time, and the home helper really upsets him.
Any suggestions on what to say to him?
What about adult day health program? My husband went for 5 or 6 hours a couple days a week. That was my respite time. Dad might enjoy going to his "club" once or twice a week. That might seem less like "babysitting" to him.
Depending on what his cognitive level is, would something like this work? "Of course you don't need a babysitter! But the doctor has stated that you cannot be left alone, in case of an emergency. If we leave you alone we will be in legal trouble. Please try to make this work smoothly for our sake. We don't want the hassle of going to court or trying to prove the doctor is wrong. The easiest way to do this is just to have someone come in while we are out."