My 88 year old father is acting like a teenage boy and making some dangerous decisions. How can I protect him?

Follow
Share

My Mother passed away 6 months ago. Mom paid all the bills, cooked, ran the household and drove prior to her death. My 88 year old Father was frail and in the early stages of dementia so asked him if he would come live me and He readily agreed. After a mourning period of about 3 months I started taking Dad to the local Retirement Center to meet some people. Dad met a 71 year old woman and in a short period of time has started a relationship with her. At first I was happy about this but several worrisome issues have cropped up:

He has decided he can drive again and has started driving his old 1992 Cadillac. He drives very slowly and has left the car running and the doors wide open when he comes home. I worry about him hurting himself or others.

He has started spending most of his retirement checks. He has no bills but he draws out about $2,200.00 cash each month and it is disappearing. He told me he was paying for his girlfriends bills, buying her groceries etc. To make matters worse she has a 50 year old brother who has been in Prison twice for armed robbery. Her brother is currently living with her and he uses her car to get around and also borrows money from her. Dad is consumed with anger toward this Brother and tells me that he is going to have to handle the situation somehow. Dad has a permit to carry guns and has two of them in his car. It is a volitile situations.

Another major concern is that Dad seems obsessed with sex. He has started taking Cialis and I am worried about his heart. He also talks about sex in an inappropriate way around me and my husband. Apparently he and his lady friend have been pretty active in this department.

My Dad is former Military and has always been a little rough around the edges, but he was a good Father and Husband to my Mom. I am seeing a totally different side to him and I'm wondering if it could be attributed to his dementia. I'm really worried about him and don't know what to do.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
68

Answers

Show:
1 2 3 4 5
Sounds similar to my father when he was in his 80's. My dad's personality changed into that of a dirty old man. He started having bad judgement and was taken advantage of (monetarily and through theft) by considerably younger so-called friends. I suspect he had hypocampal-sparing dementia. (Look it up.) If you can get a doctor to access him and write a formal report indicating why your dad shouldn't drive, that would help in getting his driver's license revoked. Then take away his car keys. He will probably spit flames, but it has to be done.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

my dad is 88, and driving. He shouldn't be, and it is very hard to get his license taken from him. I was with him one night, and I was driving, and he said look at that poor woman walking! It was a street sign! He lied to me, and told me he had  an ear and eye check at VA, but I found out he had not. He is on a long distance trip right now, from central louisisanna to destin Fla., then New Orleans, then back here. I think they make it way too hard to take an elderly persons' license away!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

((((((pammaw)))))) sorry the hear that your dad is declining, but glad that the various problems are being addressed and resolved. I understand you being in denial. When the incompetence is "spotty", it can be hard to accept that there are areas of incompetence where the elder needs your intervention/support, and also, I think harder for them to accept help. I am facing that with my mother, and stepping in carefully, to "take over" some areas as there has been some atypical behaviour. It is not an easy time.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Dad also made the decision on his own that the Cialis wasn't good for him so he stopped taking it. But it is going to mysteriously disappear as well. Thanks again for all the helpful comments. I was in denial that was Dad was no longer mentally competent in some areas and was giving him the benefit of the doubt. But for his own safety I'm developing a backbone!!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Glad you investigated the lady, see that was not hard and took care of his assets. I would not worry about the son, if he is out of prison he more than likely on parole and does not need or want the aggro, not for this. I hope your dad is up and about and yes, enjoying his love life again. It is important for him to do what he can while he still can.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Your family has my prayers for a better outcome than can reasonably be expected. You all have done a lot of things right... Hugs.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Since my first post my Dad's health has really declined. In fact he has an appointment Monday to have Carotid Artery surgery on both arteries as they are 70 and 80 percent blocked. He has started having multiple mini-strokes and the Surgeon said something had to be done or he would have a major stroke. Consequently, he is not driving and probably won't again. His guns are going to mysteriously disappear while he is in the hospital. This may cool my Dad's love life, but I have investigated the lady and she seems ok, but her Brother is a concern.
My Brother has obtained POA and most of Dad's assets are in a Family Trust and not easy to access so I don't worry about the bulk of his estate. I hope and pray my Dad gets better but we will probably be more involved in managing things for him.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Since my first post my has really declined. In fact he has an appointment Monday to have Carotid Artery surgery on both arteries as they are 70 and 80 percent blocked. He has started having multiple mini-strokes and the Surgeon said something had to be done or he would have a major stroke. Consequently, he is not driving and probably won't again. His guns are going to mysteriously disappear while he is in the hospital. This may cool my Dad's love life, but I have investigated the lady and she seems ok, but her Brother is a concern.
My Brother has obtained POA and most of Dad's assets are in a Family Trust and not easy to access so I don't worry about the bulk of his estate. I hope and pray my Dad gets better but we will probably be more involved in managing things for him.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

CarolLynn: I am in a waiting to see mode, he is stoic as always, he sits silent before he goes to work at 12:18pm like a robot. I avoid him, like I have always, I did get a door with a lock I have a key to on my bedroom door (Yay!).
I don't know what his employer is doing with him other than they took his service revolver, probably just uses it at work now. He has other guns so this is not that much of a change. Other than he is being forced to face what he does to me, and he does not care one bit. So, I am trying to take care of me now, and I am worried as I am running out of funds and he is the only source I have when that occurs, now I am afraid to ask as I always was.
I am just trying to keep things quiet, and avoid any contact with him on any level. The weekends are hard, he is here all day and sits down stairs with headphones on (Thank Gawd) and watches TV (he blasts the TV 100%) it is unbearable, he did that when I first moved in and I showed him he could go completely incognito with headphones on and he goes for it still.

I know he is going to lash out again. He threatened to throw me out for the neighbors reporting him. He nauseates me, always has, weak, useless old bastard. Cheap, mizer, liar, pervert all of the worst traits.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

sj - and I assume your father is furious but what else has happened as a result of your reporting? Are YOU ok?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

1 2 3 4 5
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions