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jeanne: Mom does not have dementia...but may have some depression because of her health issues. She is not one to take prescirption drugs because they make her feel "hazy." I know that going to a doctor for meds would be an utter waste of time. She is also from that generation that thinks counseling is useless and indulgent. I have to respect her some of her choices because I am a fan of natural remedies. But that also leaves me to have to deal with the behaviors as best I can.
I don't have much left to give myself and that makes me sad because I think I am letting her down. But if I did what she wanted of me, I would need to be at her beck and call 24/7. It feels like a weight around my neck.
So I plug along and try to figure out what is best for her. I've made some progress lately, so we'll see how it goes. thanks for your comment.
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Luvmom and Lilliput, my heart goes out to you. I take it (from where this is posted) that both your moms have dementia? Lilli you are right -- some things just can't be fixed. Continuing to love and care for mom in these frustrating situations may be all you can do. I certainly hope you have discussed these symptoms with the doctors who treat the dementia. There may not be a magic cure, but I wouldn't rule out getting some medical help without at least trying it. Whatever else you do, please don't take this behavior personally. It is not you. It is the disease.
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My mom was never an emotional type as we were growing up. Now she cries easily and feels sorry for herself to the point of making me crazy. When she is in one of these modes, I find it difficult to figure out what to do. Anything we try seems to be the wrong thing. I think she wants someone to sit near her all day long and keep her company.
I encourage her to do the things she used to like or can still do but, lately, she doesn't even seem to like those things.
It makes me feel so frustrated because I am a natural "fixer-upper" and some things just cannot be fixed. I found that the best thing for her mental health is to redirect her energies. I find a project for her or get her talking about times in the past that were fun.
The hardest thing is to accept that she is growing older and slipping away from me and that stinks. The time we have now is just "maintenance" time...doing basic care. There is not much mother/daughter time anymore - she just sees me as someone who does "stuff" for her. I try not to take it personally because I know she goes into panic mode very easily now.
I don't think my Mom does it for attention either...I just think that guage that keeps all of us from melting down in the middle of the grocery store has ceased working for her. However, indulging these episodes just makes it worse.
So here we are again, between a rock and a hard place.
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