Crying at end of life stage?

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Crying at end of life stage?

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Does anyone have experience with a loved one crying, more like sobbing often near the end of life? My mother is near death and barely talking anymore. The other day though she managed to get out "about the future" when I asked her if she was worried about anything......because she cries a lot when people try to comfort her. I'm trying to reassure her that I love her etc. I've read scripture to her and the chaplain has visited her more than once but she always gets emotional. Also, it's like a "dry" cry, hardly any tears which is normal now, but it's tearing me apart. She's really pitiful. Some of you may remember she was really difficult with her dementia and we had no relationship left. However, during the last couple of weeks we've had a couple of sweet conversations and she's actually told me she loves me too. She's too weak to fight now plus Hospice has her medicated some to keep her more comfortable. She's always been a worrier and I suppose it's natural to be a little apprehensive about passing over although I know she's a Christian and ready.

End of Life End of Life Signs Fear of Death

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She may be crying about herself, or it may be worry for other people. For Catholics, Extreme Unction at this stage could help her to forgive herself for anything she regrets. Could you talk to her Chaplain about something like this? Tell her that everyone she cares about will be fine, and that you will do your best to look after them. Give her your forgiveness for any wrongs she has done you. I am so glad that you have finally found each other again. It’s very emotional for all involved, perhaps you just cry with her.

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No, extreme unction is to reassure her of God's forgiveness. Your Chaplain should know, even if he isn't Catholic.

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Are we ever prepared? I don’t know. When my dad died I thought that I would be ready. I wanted his suffering to end but the selfish part of us doesn’t want to lose our loved one. It’s hard. We grieve.

It sounds like you are accepting. It sounds like she is ready. I suppose most everyone is somewhat apprehensive. Don’t you? Even if they are believers. Even if they are tired of suffering. No matter what because it’s natural to have fear of the unknown.

I wish you and your mother peace during this difficult time. We are here offering our support.

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can you make it a bit happier atmosphere? Play her favorite music, hold her hands and "dance" with her. Make her last moments happy and a party of sorts? SMILE
talk about happier times, and tell her you love her, and you loved these moments and want to remind her of them. At least, you can connect somehow... It is so hard.. very hard, went through it with both parents, failed drastically too at it..

Will be facing it again wit another relative in a couple years... Looking forward to that.

Prayers are with you.. Hang in there. It's gonna be a long night.... as the case with me for both parents... :(

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I'm not sure that end of life often includes the things you are suggesting. At least, not in my experience. Normally it's just be there as they fade.

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Whatever you do, and whoever tells you to take a break, if it's at that stage, do not leave, just stay.. It will only last a bit longer. My relative told me to go home, take a break, and all the while, I heard my mother talking to me... Finally I went to my car after watering the lemon trees she gave me 25 years ago, only to see my cell phone blowing up... MOM'S going, come quick the nurse is here, hurry... get her now she's going. I got to her in 1 minute. It's usually a 3 minute drive.. 1 minute. walked in the door and they called her time. They said she waited... I hope they are telling me the truth.

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If your mother is a practising Christian, then I agree that reminding her of God's loving forgiveness may do a good deal to soothe her.

It is fine for your mother to express her emotions, including regret and perhaps worry about those she will be leaving behind, but it is not fine for her to be afraid. Wishing her, and you, comfort.

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At the end of her life, after a traumatic fall in the NH, mom looked like she was in terrible, terrible pain. I couldn't tell if it was psychic or physical. She had been checked out in the ER and was on pain meds. The look of agony on her face was unbearable. Nothing we said to her helped. She the sacrament of healing (for the bajillioninth time) but nothing was making that look of terror and agony go away. Mom was nonverbal by this point and could not tell us what was wrong. Throughout her dementia, she appeared to feel guilty about something (unpaid taxes in 1936?) but we could never make any sense of what it was.

I asked for a hospice evaluation. Morphine brought her some calm and peace. We played her favorite music at the end; it mostly made us (my SIL and I) feel better.

I only promised my mom one thing, ever: that I would give her a death without pain. I think you need to think about medication as a solution to this insoluble problem.

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Thank you all for the helpful responses, thoughts and prayers. Have discussed morphine with Hospice but they know I want to hold off on that for now as she doesn't appear to be in pain. Also have played music for her, held her hand, just touching her often to reassure her I'm there as much as I can be. Also have told her I'll be fine, that she is safe, acknowledged we both need to forgive some things. The Hospice chaplain did come see her yesterday. He cited the scripture about love casts out fear and told me the best thing I can do is let her know she's loved. It helped me so much and I can only hope my mother heard enough to help her. She hasn't really cried today, but is less responsive and no longer taking fluids other than moistening her mouth. She even is beginning to resist that some. I'm thankful that we were able to reconnect and show love to one another again.

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I'm sorry you’re going through this.
The hospice could be offering morphine to help her relax and pass peacefully. My dad was becoming very distressed, we chose to give my dad morphine when nearing the end of life. From what I had read the brain can lack oxygen from the patient not being able to take deep enough breaths.
There was no recovering for him. I do not regret doing this 15 years later

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There are "death doulas" who act as midwives for the dying. You may want to consider using one of them. Some New Thought or New Age churches might be able to find one for you.

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(((((hugs))))) this is a hard time. I am so glad you have been able to connect with your mother on a positive basis. I am sure it means a lot to you and to her. To me, at this point, anything that calms her would be worthwhile. It sounds like she is near the end if this life. Prayers for peace for both of you.

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As you reassure her that you love her please tell her that you and the rest of the family will be alright.
Also give her "permission" to pass peacefully, that you will miss her but it is selfish for you to want her to remain as she is.
Thank her for what she has taught you throughout life and especially the last few years.
Hold her hand and tell her that she is safe, that you love her.

By the way morphine is not just for pain but it can help relax muscles that are constricted and it can help breathing as the major muscles relax it can help the lungs expand a bit making breathing easier. (try clenching and tightening muscles and see how deep of a breath you can take) so a little morphine might help.

(((hugs)))

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It is understandable that so much seems confusing and scary to her. Anxiety for those with dementia is real. Time to read reassuring Bible verses to her. Time to remind that she is loved, cared for, and safe. Make sure she gets offered food and drink so she isn't dehydrated. Also make sure she has comfort measures - position changes every couple of hours, pad bony areas to avoid skin breakdown, warmth or cool compresses as she prefers... Please review her sadness with her caregivers - especially her doctor. She may need some pain medications or some anti-anxiety medications to help her feel more comfortable.

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I'm so sorry for you. I just lost my dad in August. Hospice was a blessing. As soon as he stopped eating they kept him on some level of morphine most of the time. I think that the morphine doesn't just ease physical pain but also relaxes the mind to ease the fears your loved one might be experiencing. I hope with each step the process will get easier for her to go to God.

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Dear Theras my heart feels for you as I can sence how difficult this is for you to witness. You are a wonderful Daughter and you have really Cared for your Mother right through Her Illness. Cherish all those beautiful moments and times that you shared with your Mom. I have no doubt that your Mom has no fear of crossing over to the other side because your Mom has lived a good honest Christian Life and God is merciful. I feel your Mom is worried for you and the Family and Who will look out for you all when She goes. My Mother was the Heartbeat of our Family, and when Family kneeded advice or a shoulder to cry on then it was to Mother They came. I wish you and your Mom the greatest peace and Blessing.

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My mother also was the centerpoint of our family and we lost our direction/cohesiveness when we lost her. I have heard that from a few people.

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Even though she said "about the future" she might be reviewing her life and a lot of it makes her cry. I think it is most likely good for her to do just that. But it is very hard on you to witness it. Just being there with her is really the most you can do, but I like the ideas of music for her as she travels back into her life. As for her "future" I would let her know that she will always be with you. It's so difficult for us to comprehend our eventual non-existence.

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My Papa cries, then says he worries about leaving us alone. Even though we are both in our mid 60’s and have been taking care of him for the last 5 years. He thinks we will be totally lost without his fountain of knowledge.

His fountain of knowledge has dimmed behind the dementia, and of course we will miss it, and him - but this is a huge source of worry for him, no matter how much we reassure him.

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Of course, dementia messes up time and he may not be aware of age. Despite both of us having white hair, my father was shocked to hear I was in my 60s and more shocked to hear he wasn't. Denied he was in his 90s until the end and I was actually glad he didn't feel that old. It is hard for men to give up the patriarchal role so keep him on that pedestal if you can but reassure him that you have learned a lot from him and will pass it on. God bless.

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It’s difficult to discern about her cognitive status with dementia involved. But reason is probably is not going to work. Sometimes, especially since we cannot understand what might be underneath the crying, the best thing we can be is to be a calm presence which means that we empty ourselves from our own anxiety etc to be the calm presence of the Divine. Gently touching their hand, between crying episodes, can help them release their anxiety. If appropriate to gently lay your other hand on their heart if they accept this. Sometimes gently hold the bottom of their feet can help a person feel more grounded. This will have to be discerned on sight.

The main focus is on you being able to become still, to have someone assist you in emptying your self to be the source of peace on which another can draw.

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I find that holding people's hand, or lightly touching them on the arm or shoulder can be comforting. Some people like to be hugged and kissed. Comfort her as much as you can. Playing music that she likes can also be soothing.

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I lightly touched my brother his final hours. I do believe there is power in touch.

Mother Teresa told a story of being in a crowded train station in London. She said an elderly man looked dazed and lonely. She felt drawn to go over and hold his hand. When she picked up his hand to hold the man teared up and said, “Human touch. I haven’t felt it in years.” Proof that her physical touch meant so much to him.

Yes, there are some people who had no affection in their lives and are not comfortable with touch. Those people should be respected and left alone but for those who appreciate touch we can reach out to.

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My mother was this person - crying a lot and was approaching EOL - and the ONLY thing that calmed her was me reciting scripture, sometimes from memory and sometimes from the bible.

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Thank you all for the words of advice and comfort and for the prayers. My mother actually passed away on Saturday, February 22 with me by her side, holding her hand, just touching her sometimes and reassuring her that she was safe and loved. The Hospice nurse asked me earlier in the day if there was anyone that had not been to visit that needed to. I immediately said my oldest son. She encouraged me to go home and rest but I decided to stay. After my sons and the sitter left she developed congestion, breathing changed, and she started mottling. It was just the two of us in the room. She died within the hour. I didn't expect it to make me so sad and heavy hearted since she was so very hard on me during the dementia era. When she started to take long pauses between breaths I knew it was coming and I felt like I needed to do something. Never watched anybody die before. Not pleasant but still glad I fulfilled her wishes to be with her and I am so thankful she is finally at peace. I've never experienced God's grace and mercy like I did Saturday.

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(((((((hugs))))) theras, Deepest condolences on the loss of your mother. I am so glad you were with her in her final hours and she is finally at rest. May God's peace and comfort be with you in the coming days.

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Thank you. I certainly don't regret it. Hugs.

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Theras,
So sorry for the loss of your mother.
May your faith comfort you in the days and weeks to come.

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Thank you.

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What an amazing daughter you were and are. So sorry about her death but so glad you were there with her to the end. The woman who gave you life and was there for your first breath has been honored by you to be with her as she took her last breath. Take care of yourself as best as you can in the coming days, weeks and months. Hugs.

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Thank you. Hadn't really thought about it that way. Hugs to you too.

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I am glad you were with her holding her hand.
Sorry for your loss
(((hugs)))

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Crying at end of life stage?

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