How do you cope with caregiver stress?

I hope you guys give some good advice. Dealing with this type of stress, is just that STRESSFUL.(AT LEAST SOMETIMES). This website has just been a wonderful aspect to add to my life as a caregiver. Some days are worse then othes, and on those "worse" days I could use some fresh ideas to cope. We have fall and winter which means we all will be inside much more. We have to not go to stir crazy!!!!!!!!!

I have begun exercising....and I'm a person who "hates" to sweat! But, I have found that it really helps to relieve the stress, and I awake the next day ready to tackle any challenges that I'm faced with...

I am moving my husband into a group home tomorrow, which neither one of us wants. My stress is coming out in physical ways, and even though all of my friends encourage me to do it, I am ready to back out. Any suggestions?

Taking on the roll as a full-time caregiver for your loved one can be extremely stressful coming from experience. There are many things I do to try & relax! I love music! When times get rough I will put on my favorite tunes & cook up a new recipe. Strategic games like words with friends or soduko help me as well! You can't go wrong with a nice relaxing bath, music & light a few nice smelling candles! Taking on a light project like scrapbooking or organizing your photo albums may be nice for you as well as your loved one. You need some "me" time to stay sane. Just know that "the man upstairs" WILL give you strength. I know we have all heard this a million times but God does not give us things we cannot handle. You are stronger than you realize. Good luck & God Bless!

Astoria22...you came to this decision because it is too much for you. It is normal to feel the guilt as you are actually doing what you know is the right thing. If you back out now, you will only reach the same conclusion again and carry through with your original plan....so do it now so you don't have to go through this process twice. You have to take care of yourself...do not beat yourself up!

I like to tend my plants, cook, paint some walls, surf the internet looking at beautiful gardens and interior design. I also like to keep an embroidery project going because that is something that can be set aside when there are interruptions and duties calling. I painted my daughter's dresser last week. It took me all week to do it, but it got done! It is very isolating to have to stay close to home but having little projects here and there give me a sense of accomplishment.

I like the comments and caregiver coping with stress ideas so far. Hugs&kisses suggested some really,good.& helpful ideas. Lets keep the discussion going, and maybe add a new subject. Like how to balance everything when you are a caregiver? I find myself trying to keep up with and memorize more numbers then ever before. Another interesting thing I read was that statistics say that if our family members have a disease like dementia that we become that much more likely to get dementia one day. Why is that? Is it only if you are family of the person with dementia? Even if you are family,,why are you more likely to develop it one day? Great, one more thing we need to think & worry about.
I relize i'm skipping around on topics a bit! Sorry!
A couple months ago I decided to write a cookbook, and now that it's almost fall it seems like the perfect time to start on it. If any of you have some really good family recipes that your willing to share I'd so appreciate it,and it gives us something else to think about. If you share a recipe, and I decide to use it for my book then I would love to send a copy out to anyone that shares a recipe that I use. The cookbook is based on southern foods. So let me know if you want to share, a good recipe!!!
Hugs to all the caregivers today. What a special group of people!!KB

I have just begun caring for my mother and already was feeling the pressure mounting. I had retired early from my job so that I could care for her so it hasn't been that long since I had a structured day. I have created a vague outline for my personal everday schedule and I find that writing down a rough plan, to include care giving, for individual days help. Not every day will be a good day and how I deal with caregiver stress is sure to vary from time to time.

your responses are so helpful - enough for me to carry out my plan to move him. Thank you so much!

What a good idea to start this discussion topic! I'm always looking for new and different ideas to de-stress during this difficult time in life. As for me, I have gotten into the habit of starting my day with a delicious cup of coffee (with Bailey's creamer - yum!) and doing all I can to walk daily. Since one of my hobbies is photography, I take my camera along on my walks and search for interesting and unique things to photograph; I make it my point to never return home without at least a few photos. In the late-evening, I view the photos on my computer, crop them and, occasionally, share them with friends. This simple little technique allows me to focus my attentions on my outdoor environment rather than family problems and, viewing the photos later, lets me relive the walk and enjoy my hobby further. Some other things I do to relax include escaping "into" movies as time permits, reading an occasional book, and tending to plants and enjoying seeing them thrive, e-mailing and "Facebooking" with friends, occasional meditation, and sometimes merely staring out a window to let my mind wander to happier times and daydream.

Great ideas--let's keep this going!

I keep a large calendar planner in my purse so I don't overbook my time and appointments. I also have a separate tote with all my mom's medical information in it that I take to all appointments...it has notes on hospitalizations and general check ups, etc. and clipped in the back are lists and maps of where her docs are located. If anything were to happen to me or I was out of town, anybody could 'grab the bag' and go with it. Mom also wears a bracelet that's actually a flash drive with all her medical info on it.

I plan errands, shopping, and appointments so that I can make one round trip and get it all done at once. Once I'm home again I can catch up on paperwork of all kinds, my own chores, and getting dinners ready for everybody. I try to keep the weekends free to do whatever I want whenever I want, however I do clean mom's house while she's at church Sunday mornings so there is no risk of her slipping on a wet floor or tripping over the vacuum :-)

astoria22...Your feelings of backing out are normal. At first it was heartbreaking for me too, but now, 4 months later, I am so glad we took that step. Dementia only gets worse and his has declined very much in these past 4 months. He is being cared for by skilled, trained people and is getting 24 hr better care than I could do. He refers to it as "home" now. Instead of me running myself crazy 24/7, I visit very often, every other day or daily, and take him out for rides, snacks, etc. and our time together is special time. When he "acts up" I take him back "home" where there is immediate help waiting. It is such a relief to have that safety net available. Yes I miss him very much...I miss the way we used to be....but those days are gone and I have made a wise decision which is keeping him safe and cared for. He can't think rationally now, you have to be the strong one for both you. I was in it so deep that I was letting the crazy thinking of his be our reality....then I realized that and made the move. I know it
is one of the hardest things to do and know what you are going through. Some things are just hard and there's no easy out. Love to you and yours and may God comfort you.

I went through care giving stress and survived! For nine years I cared for my mother after my father died. I found gardening gave me a creative outlet and was physically challenging most of the time. That is something that can be done for a few minutes or an hour or more if the loved one sleeps a lot. My mother enjoyed being wheeled out to the garden so it was pleasure for both. Find something that you enjoy doing while care taking. You have to take care of yourself so that you don't become overwhelmed and depressed. You are limited only by your own creative ideas. I carried a listen device so that I was tuned into my mother at all times. That is a freedom from being in the room and a chance to step outdoors for a few minutes during the day.

timmyk48, I think that you are on to something. The dementia issue is just personally devastating and you can NEVER do it all and get it right. Others I know have done what you did and got back their lives and knew their LOs were better off with professionals who care. I wish I could do this but I do not have the funds personally nor does my mom. I am probably in this till one of us dies.

Sleep, going for a walk, reading, buying a lottery ticket, baking, just looking at the stars.....

This was really not a respite for myself as a caregiver but I read stories to my father, mother-in-law and stepfather (all had alzheimers in the span of 5 years together). I was the primary caregiver for 2 of them and frequent visitor to the nursing home for 1 of them. I found that reading and interpreting the stories not only calmed them but calmed me down as well because I had to focus on summarizing the stories. They enjoyed the stories immensely especially stories on Greek mythology and bible stories. I also was a licensed massage therapist and gave them back rubs and rubbed their arms and legs very gently. That made them feel better and made me feel better that I could help them. Seniors need a sense of touch, not all of them by means but if you are close to them and they like having you hold their hand, it might be something they like. Sometimes just holding their hand can work too and sitting quietly. For myself, I would take walks, play with my animals, ride my bike etc. to relieve stress.

After almost 10 months of caring for my mother I am finally getting help. I am hiring a woman to take my mom to the local Senior Center 2 or 3 days a week for bingo and/or bridge. This way she will get much needed socialization and I will get a much needed break from her constant repetative questions. Hopefully this will work. I'll keep you all upadated! Another thing I've learned is to write her a note each day. Usually it says what day it is and the date, where everyone in the family is, etc.. That way when she starts obsessing about things, I just tell her to look at her note.

there are some great comments here -- i had to go on anti-anxiety meds, file bankruptcy, get a divorce, and loose my house. Now i have much less stress! I can laugh a lot... even while writing this. Just funny sometimes how life flows.... exercise was my best option when I first started -- it started with hard sweat then I found out the exhaustion afterwards was because my thyroid was not functioning due to the stress so I went to Yoga -- NO SWEAT, but it sure helps to stretch those muscles and calm the mind & soul. I love walks in nature and they always help to bring me back to center. Venting with friends always helps as long as they can help bring you around to the positive by the time you are done venting.

just another 2 cents.... pretty soon we will all be rich! :-)

Julia1930....wow that is amazing! You are an Angel! I thought I had it hard with my mom-in-law. 3 family members? Sometimes I just feel like giving up...it can be so hard & emotionally draining. To hear others have gone through or are going through the same thing makes it a little easier. Time4me....good for you. Your idea of the note is fabulous (will try). We are also seeking a caregiver for help. Recently interviewed a gal & she seems like the perfect fit. By the end of our "dinner date" she was holding my mil's hand & laughing with her. I appreciate any and all prayers possible for this. My husband & I need help. We have been her full-time caregiver for 2 years now. She can be extremely moody & more harsh with me. She is extremely close with her son & at times jealous of me & our relationship. We are starting to build more boundries. I am 35 and want to start a family but right now I have a 77 year child. I love her with all my heart & it breaks me to see her like this. I just want her to be happy. I always felt I was patient & easy going and now I think God is testing me...lol Again, thanks for all the support. Together we will get through this! God Bless!

I think what your doing right now is great. Communicating with other who you know are going through many of the same things you are going through helps. This is really a nice form of support group.

Hi everyone, I had to make huge changes as something just had to give. Working fulltime at work, then at home being a fulltime caregiver for Mom with late stage alzhimers was horrific. Moms lived with us over 3 years and been incontinent for over 2 1/2 years, its a killer running to and from the bathroom, bathing, etc. I hated the ratrace, race to work when my caretaker showed up, race home, etc. I finally left my job, retired early, in August. The best part is this... I kept my fulltime helper but reduced her hours to just 3, on 3 mornings, to come in and get Mom up and bathe and dress her. As of today, I hired a weekend caretaker so I can have a life again with my husband and family, without the continuous being there by Mom side for her every need. I am so excited to be on the "other side" and when Mom has to eat, get bathed, or make a bathroom trip, I can enjoy my family and grandchildren finally, knowing Moms in good hands with me there. I still have the bulk of the daily and nightly care but that morning time to me is the absolute toughest. I feel a huge relief inside. I read about caretakers stress causing the caretaker to die first sometimes, I decided its time for a big change. I have never felt better. I do however see my Moms walking diminish, even with my helping her with two hands, and I fear a hoya lift is in the near future. So, I say hire someone , get up and have a coffee alone, and then enjoy your parent in a better frame of mind. Cheers to you all.

I love mysteries and hunt for unique ones through the internet and then find them at the library or ebay. Also, I have tried to become a much better knitter. I used to be able to knit simple things, so I could listen to my mother and knit ,but I have now started some more complicated things. One of the biggest things I do for myself is to container garden so I can even go inside to garden I have to. I need the outdoors to remind myself the world is still out there. Best wishes to everyone.

Stress related abdominal issues kept me in bed as well...so I have changed my diet: cut out: sugar, soda, alcohol, gluten, major dairy. Taking supplements. Eating healthy. This was hard for a sweet tooth diet 7-up addict. But, I feel so much better. Eating healthy and trying to take care of myself.
I also have a friend that does Reiki - a japanese healing. It worked wonders! Going to try Vini yoga which is suppose to be healing for older people and their joints. As I feel better, I can cope better.

Sometimes I find it extremely difficult to get out of bed in the morning because of chronic arthritis pain. I care for my elderly mother who can not wait on herself anymore and I also care for my son's infant child. I am so exhausted at day's end that I go to my room and crash as soon as I have finished preparing dinner and cleaning the kitchen. I have recently been falling into bed as early as 7:30pm just to have some sane time and watch a mindless television show. I am not able to fall asleep right away but I do wonder what I will do to regain energy for the next day.. I am happy to be able to stay home and do this as my mother sacrificed many years for me but she can't understand how tired I am all day. I am going to force myself to walk and stay away from after midnight eating binges. Thank you for the many inspirational tips here on this discussion board.

I try to go out with one of my daugthers we may go shopping which is real relaxing for me because I really forget about whats going on at home and we may do lunch or breakfast depending on the time of day. it helps to have time with family outside of the house where my Mom is.

Since I now live at my Mom's and she has a big yard I find doing yard work is not only good excerise but helps my whole attidude. Here in Tucson,AZ I don't do much in summer but it is great now. I also download hidden object games onto my computer and my Doc said that was a good release plus reading and doing counted cross stitch as I sit with her while watching tv. Since I am living in house I grew up in I also do a lot of handyman work (which I love) and I always end up feeling I have accomplished something. She does not like me to hover over her as she is used to being on her own and very independent. I have arthritis in my back so just hope I can continue to keep her at home, I know that there are a lot of elders who have NO one to take care of them. So I will not let her down and just keep smiling (and taking pain pills :). I think we all deserve a hug and I am sending a hug to everyone. :)

FROM THE COMMENTS SO FAR, I SEE ALOT OF YOU HAVE HOBBYS & INTERESTS OUTSIDE OF CAREGIVING. THAT IS REALLY HELPFUL TO ADVOID CAREGIVER BURN OUT. YOU HAVE TO MAKE TIME FOR YOUR SELF & STILL DO THINGS THAT YOU WOULD DO OTHERWISE IF YOU WERN'T A CAREGIVER. ANY THING THAT HELPS KEEP DEPRESSION AWAY & LIVING HEALTHY BY HAVING A DAILY NUTRIOUS DIET IS ONLY GOING TO HELP US IN THE LONG RUN. EXERCISE IF YOU ARE ABLE IS A GREAT WAY TO GET YOUR BLOOD PUMPING. EVEN IF IT'S JUST A SIMPLE WALK AFTER DINNER. IF YOUR NOT ABLE TO DO THAT THEIR ARE JUST SO MANY OTHER THINGS YOU CAN DO. LIKE KEEP A DAILY JOURNAL OF HOW YOUR DAY IS GOING AND THE CURRENT EMOTIONS YOUR EXPERIENCING. YOU MAY ALSO NEED TO VENT (WE ALL KNOW HOW STRESSFUL CAREGIVING CAN BE AT TIMES) SO GETTING YOUR FEELINGS OUT ON PAPER IS A GOOD WAY TO KEEP CHECK OF HOW "YOU" ARE DOING. I AM CURRENTLY WORKING ON A COOKBOOK & SO IN SPARE TIME I TRY TO WORK ON THAT & GO THRU RECIPES. THIS WEBSITE IS ALSO A GOOD PLACE TO EXPLORE & ASK ADVICE OR JUST HAVE SOMEONE LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR GOING THRU & KNOW THEY CAN RELATE. ANY MORE IDEAS ON HOW WE CAN TAKE CARE OF OUR SELFS ALSO? WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS? OR EVEN QUESTIONS IF YOU ARE WONDERING ABOUT SOMETHING IN PATICULAR. WE ARE HERE TO HELP EACHOTHER, AND ADVISE ONE ANOTHER & IT TRULY DOES HELP ALOT. BEST OF LUCK TO YOU ALL!! LETS KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING!!!:)KELLYB:)

I read for a relaxing escape, and my husband and I record and watch television programs together. If we get interrupted, we can pause and come back. Interruptions are pretty regular, so at least we know we can pause and then resume. My husband and I have set aside Saturdays as our "date day" and we leave the house for several hours. We do all kinds of things we enjoy together, like going to movies, to a restaurant, etc. Mainly, we just have time to talk together and be a couple, and have some quiet time. Mama is 86 and has lived with us for five years now. She has mild but progressing dementia. I've noticed lately that more things are slipping away in small bits and pieces, and that she's less and less able to reason or be logical. We're trying to keep her safe and well nourished, but also have boundaries for "all-together times" and just time for my husband and me. We're mid-fifties and early sixties, and have been married 32 years. I work from home and have an office in a separate area across the carport from the house. So I'm close enough for Mama to run over and talk to me or tell me if she needs someting, but being separate helps me get my work done and have some uninterrupted time. Mama's still pretty healthy physically, but there have been more episodes of things being left on the hot stove, the sink running over in the bathroom because she forgets she turned the water on (I found it 20 minutes later), locking the door with the keys on the outside in the lock, etc. I don't feel I can leave her completely on her own, but try to reserve as much time for separate work and activities as possible. We all eat together and visit during mornings and afternoons/evenings. Mama has extensive family in our town and they are all retired, so she gets to go here and there regularly with them. They all love it and she gets great socialization. She seems fairly content. So far it's working, but things can quickly change.

Thank you for this thread. I appreciate being able to read everyone's ideas and suggestions!

Blessings,
Joan

I meant to add that I also attend a local caregiver support group once or twice a month. If I can't go to both meetings that are offered, I try diligently to attend at least one. Connecting with other caregivers has helped me cope with my own emotions, frustrations, and needs, along with getting great ideas for caring for Mama. It also gets me out of the house a couple of times a month, which is a blessing.