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My grandfather is the one I been caring for, as I mentioned he cant see ( little light vision) trouble hearing,bad legs, bad back, pace maker, congestive heart failure, etc. My father also has health issues such as diabetes,COPD, heart valve issues.. etc and now hes been told he has congestive heart failure as well. His tests so far revealed by the Drs he has under 1yr est. to live. He is not a candidate for surgery again.

I don't know how long with my grandfather we have either.. as the Drs haven't said anything to me but according to some people ( not Drs) it seems as if he has months to a couple years left.

My dad is only in his 60's and this is ruff. What family/ friends I have left which is literally a handful, their life is so messed up mentally and am unsure if one of them is off the drugs. I only have one friend.. maybe two that is mentally and financially stable. ( other family/friend asking me for money when I have none myself!- So Im in that financial category too. Add I have no job.) So Im panicking. Mentally they all come to me for help..

So Im sorry Im rambling on here.. Im just in shock everything is happening so fast, and am sure some of you have gone thru this . I need advice ! Support! Prayers! Miracles I know is too much to ask for. How do I not break down in front of my dad and grandpa crying over them?

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It's an impossibly hard situation. My heart goes out to you. First, get rid of the dysfunctional people around you, they have nothing to offer and will drag you down. Find yourself as much support as you can get. Check around for elder services in your community, caretaker support groups, hospice services?. If one place can't offer you anything, ask them to suggest a group that might. Cleave to your one real friend and ask for help. People on this board are very helpful and supportive, but there's nothing like an in-the-flesh human with you to help.

You seem young, so as someone older who has been through a lot, I promise you... THIS TOO WILL PASS!!! Everything does. And for every hard thing we go through in life, there is a gift waiting on the other end if we act with love and integrity through the situation. Sending you a prayer and a virtual hug.
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i wouldnt be so quick to run off any of the dysfunctional clowns around you . anyone can be of some kind of help if theyre prompted and made to feel usefull .. my aunts family has went from feeling resentful and suspicious of me to all being part of a great care team in only a few months. there is no more suspicion or resentment , everyone is special in their own way and they have a 91 st birthday cookout planned for aunt this saturday evening . many of us are getting to know each other for the first time in our lives .
you need the people around you , utilize them ..
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Breathe... and try to take it one day at a time. You can only do what you can do and no more. Try not to push yourself beyond your emotional and physical limits. When you get into the worry cycle, stop and breathe - turn it over to a higher power. Do they both live with you? Try to get yourself away at least a few hours a week to go for a walk, get a massage or do something else nurturing for yourself.
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It sounds as if your grandfather may qualify for Hospice services. Call them. They can steer you in the right direction. I learned in caring for my dad that there are many services out there where you can go for support. With Hospice you would have a social worker who would help with so much! I am sorry you are having to shoulder so much at such a young age, but you will get through. Keep sharing on this site. It will help when you feel alone. God bless.
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It is sad, but you are doing your best and you are there for them, which will mean a LOT to you in days to come. If there are things you can do to make a few more good memories with either or both of them, go for it. Even something as little as watching funny movies at home or going out to see Christmas lights this winter will be something to treasure.
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me1000, my daughter is dying of Leukemia. She wants no more chemo. So I put the word out to all the family that time is short, and come to see her and say goodbye. Tomorrow we leave for a family reunion, the last hurrah, with aunts and cousins from all over. There will be no wake. The celebration of life is NOW, while she is still with us. She will be dead in just a few weeks. She thinks wakes are stupid, she wants to say goodbye while she still can. We are following her wishes. Hope you find the strength to do the same.
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It's okay to cry; it's okay to share your sadness with your dad. He probably needs someone to talk to about his grief too. You have each other. He is probably more worried about you than you are about him. It helps to have the hard conversations about death, although I know how hard it is. I was never sorry when I did initiate that conversation with one of my dying relatives. I was surprised to hear what they were concerned about, and was able to reassure them based on my belief system and what I would promise to do after they were gone. It's a relief to the dying person to express their feelings, fears, wishes.

Keep looking for services and support, wherever you can!!! Be creative. Talk to people you know even casually. Talk to your doctor too. Ask if he/she knows of any services that can help you. Also, you need to take care of yourself in order to keep taking care of everybody else! I know it all makes your head spin and it seems overwhelming now. As my dying aunt told me, "We're just going to take this one day a time." What a wise woman she was. Try to find your own center and not be overwhelmed, tackle one problem at a time, and ask for help when you need it.
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Sorry Captain, but sometimes the people around you just suck your energy and offer you nothing. I'm old enough and wise enough now to know when to cut people loose, and when to hold tight to the people who will lift you up and help you. When you are down the LAST thing you need is the psychic vampires who come out of the dark to prey upon you in your weakened condition. Good riddance! Surround yourself with HELPFUL PEOPLE, optimistic people, friends willing to go into the trenches with you and be truly helpful in the ways you need. Many of the angels who helped me at the worst of times weren't even people I knew before. I opened myself to angels, and let the vampires go slunk off to find other victims.
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Dear Pam,

You continue to be a blessing and a ray of light to me.

I think of the pain and exhaustion you must be going through.

I shold quit complaing and not being judgemental and should be more patient and loving.

Thank you, Pam
Marymember
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vstefans, you have a good point, some folks need closure. I remember when wakes were a full three day affair. 2-4 and 7-9 for three days. Maybe I am in denial. What I feel right now is, (to cousins) if you don't come see her now, I don't want to see you later. I'll make exceptions for those far away, or those who are still grieving their own, but not those who never called, who were "too busy".
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