How do you cope with two dying loved ones?

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My grandfather is the one I been caring for, as I mentioned he cant see ( little light vision) trouble hearing,bad legs, bad back, pace maker, congestive heart failure, etc. My father also has health issues such as diabetes,COPD, heart valve issues.. etc and now hes been told he has congestive heart failure as well. His tests so far revealed by the Drs he has under 1yr est. to live. He is not a candidate for surgery again.

I don't know how long with my grandfather we have either.. as the Drs haven't said anything to me but according to some people ( not Drs) it seems as if he has months to a couple years left.

My dad is only in his 60's and this is ruff. What family/ friends I have left which is literally a handful, their life is so messed up mentally and am unsure if one of them is off the drugs. I only have one friend.. maybe two that is mentally and financially stable. ( other family/friend asking me for money when I have none myself!- So Im in that financial category too. Add I have no job.) So Im panicking. Mentally they all come to me for help..

So Im sorry Im rambling on here.. Im just in shock everything is happening so fast, and am sure some of you have gone thru this . I need advice ! Support! Prayers! Miracles I know is too much to ask for. How do I not break down in front of my dad and grandpa crying over them?

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vstefans, you have a good point, some folks need closure. I remember when wakes were a full three day affair. 2-4 and 7-9 for three days. Maybe I am in denial. What I feel right now is, (to cousins) if you don't come see her now, I don't want to see you later. I'll make exceptions for those far away, or those who are still grieving their own, but not those who never called, who were "too busy".
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Dear Pam,

You continue to be a blessing and a ray of light to me.

I think of the pain and exhaustion you must be going through.

I shold quit complaing and not being judgemental and should be more patient and loving.

Thank you, Pam
Marymember
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Oh, Pam, I am so sorry!! That just makes my heart ache to hear that's what has been happening to you...

You know, I think sometimes the people passing don't want to realize what grief they are leaving us with. So having everyone come now while she is still with you is great, but I might consider, ahem, very partially overriding some wishes for no wake or anything just for the sake of those who maybe can't be there and those who need the ceremony of saying goodbye and celebrating a life...I had some dear friends who for whatever reason had no funeral service and man, it leaves a bigger hole that way, I still don't feel "right" about either one....
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Thank you for responding anais43, Im sorry about your husband and father. I need all the support I can get, and hopefully I can be a help to you and everyone else here. Your in my thoughts too.
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My Father was diagnosed with stage4 malignant melanoma in February of this year, he was given 6 months, he is really starting to show signs of deteriorating. My husband was diagnosed with stage4 head and neck cancer in June 2011, he is but a shell of his former self. While he has not been given a time frame, all of his treatment is considered to be palliative. I can so sympathize with you. I will keep you and pam in my prayers.
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Thank you all again. I am going to do my best and balance things ( not working out at the moment but hopefully soon). Sometimes I see what you all and others go through and I think to myself" they have been thru the same, worse" and yet Im complaining... sad.. scared and maybe immature about everything. I thank you all so much.

pam, Im so sorry about your daughter :( Im glad you all are getting the family together. You both are in my thoughts.
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me1000, my daughter is dying of Leukemia. She wants no more chemo. So I put the word out to all the family that time is short, and come to see her and say goodbye. Tomorrow we leave for a family reunion, the last hurrah, with aunts and cousins from all over. There will be no wake. The celebration of life is NOW, while she is still with us. She will be dead in just a few weeks. She thinks wakes are stupid, she wants to say goodbye while she still can. We are following her wishes. Hope you find the strength to do the same.
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Sorry Captain, but sometimes the people around you just suck your energy and offer you nothing. I'm old enough and wise enough now to know when to cut people loose, and when to hold tight to the people who will lift you up and help you. When you are down the LAST thing you need is the psychic vampires who come out of the dark to prey upon you in your weakened condition. Good riddance! Surround yourself with HELPFUL PEOPLE, optimistic people, friends willing to go into the trenches with you and be truly helpful in the ways you need. Many of the angels who helped me at the worst of times weren't even people I knew before. I opened myself to angels, and let the vampires go slunk off to find other victims.
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Why don't you all cry together? There is nothing to be ashamed about in crying because you will be losing someone to death. We all will die. Some sooner, others later. But, find a job, because you will need to support yourself and it will do wonders for your depression and attitude. Be grateful for the time you all have left, and cherish the moments you spend together. The miracle is already at hand. You can all be there for each other even though some will die. Be strong and be willing to accept life is tough, and we all have to make choices so we hopefully prevent some of the health problems you have described. Be healthy!
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i wouldnt be so quick to run off any of the dysfunctional clowns around you . anyone can be of some kind of help if theyre prompted and made to feel usefull .. my aunts family has went from feeling resentful and suspicious of me to all being part of a great care team in only a few months. there is no more suspicion or resentment , everyone is special in their own way and they have a 91 st birthday cookout planned for aunt this saturday evening . many of us are getting to know each other for the first time in our lives .
you need the people around you , utilize them ..
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