Some of you may recall my recent post of my mom with dementia wanting to take a “day trip” with a strange man from an online dating site.... That was the camel that broke the caregivers back and I managed to arrange for her to go stay with my brother and SIL in another state for a while. So now I hear that she is going around telling people my husband (who has been nothing but kind to her) called her lazy... which he did but it was part of a bigger ordeal and she is lazy and wants me to wait on her hand and foot while she lays around in dirty clothes watching tv and playing on her iPad all day...sigh...

on top of that she is telling SIL she is ready to come home to which SIL said I needed a longer break and didn’t she, mom replied she thought she could handle it!

Ugh! I guess I’m just venting here because I know there is really only one solution which is deal with it or put her in a NH.

I feel so betrayed and disrespected! I haven’t talked to my husband about this latest development. He has taken vacation for the week so we could try to relax and enjoy some couples time before she comes back.... and I hate to ruin it for him....

How is it possible for them to pull it together and seem like nothing is seriously wrong with them for a period of time? Unless you are with her for an extended period you would not even believe she has dementia... sometimes it feels like I’m the one losing my mind.

Please, go with the AL. Let her go right from brothers to the AL. No returning back to your place at all. Does anyone have POA, if so, use it now.

No, I wouldn't tell husband latest problem. Enjoy your "vacation".
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29

SIL is seeing some memory issues but not like it is when Mom was here. SIL is very supportive of me right now and mom is on best behavior around them because they are “just so good” to her... SIL is trying to direct her to associated living in their state which I’m all for.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Kathycan313
Ahmijoy Aug 28, 2018
Ha! Won’t last. I’ll guarantee you. No person with dementia can showtime indefinitely. At the least, your dear SIL will grow weary of Mom dissing you guys constantly. And, as soon as Mom pulls something over there, SIL will be totally on board with Assisted Living.
Please, please heed the wise posters who have already replied. Time for your mother to move elsewhere.

What will be your next step?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to CTTN55

Both the other posters are absolutely correct. Whether it’s dementia, showtiming or whatever, you and your brother are done. You do not need to devote any more of your life to this misbehavior.

My mother was very very jealous of me and felt very sorry for herself. We lived in a big, beautiful home. She told everyone who listened that it was “a barn” and she also told me. She told the maintenance guy at her apartment that she had no one to help her so could he help her move.

Decide where you want Mom to go. It should be a secure facility in case she decides to go “looking for love” again. She does need an evaluation. You could probably take her along on the tour, but she won’t be cooperative and will make everyone miserable.

Living with you or your brother was a privilege that Mom has abused one too many times. It won’t be easy, but for the sake of you, yiur brother and your spouses, you need to take this step.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Ahmijoy

When you’re admitting that you have “extreme burnout” it’s time to make another plan. The current one isn’t good for you or your mom. When you view her return with dread and a knot in your stomach it’s time to change things. Please talk with family and come up with what’s a better situation for all of you
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to Daughterof1930

It's called showtiming.

She needs to be somewhere safe, supervised and secure.

Has she had a needs assessment?

She should not be living with you, that's for sure. Is SIL having the same issues with her as you were having?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn

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