How can I cope with caregiving when I'm stressed to the max?

Asked by

Need to vent, have someone to talk to at the end of a gruling day. Someone that will listen and give me tips on how to cope.

Answers 1 to 10 of 10
Expert Answer
3931 helpful answers
I'm so glad you are coming to this site. These are all people who have been through different experiences, but they will understand how you are feeling. The isolation and exhaustion of caregiving can be overwhelming. And most people don't understand unless they've "been there." We all have been there, or are there. Please keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.
Carol
I moved in with my parents a year ago June. I was caring for both my elderly parents ages 87 and 85 and my two grandsons ages 1 and 2. I lost my dad last week after being in the nursing home for two months. I am now caring for my mother, which is very hard to please. She talks non-stop from the moment she awakes in the morning to the second she goes to bed at night. I don't have alone time for at least 5 minutes and she wakes me up if I try to take a nap. Everything is very negative with her, she doesn't a possitive or good thing to say about anyone. She is now blaming me for my father's death and says that she will never forgive me, be cause I had my dad put in the nursing home. My dad was happy to the end and thanked me for taking him to the nursing home. In one of our conversations he stated that he was resting comfortably and had peace and quiet. I am hoping that I am able to get some information and advice from others on this site. At this time I am overwhelmed.
Runnindove
You have come to the right place, I new to this site but have been a caregiver since 93 with my husband= he is in rehab for the 10 th time in the last 5-6 years. So I'm getting a break -please tell us what your concerns are and I know you will find a great group of warm caring people who are also are trying to deal with situations that we did not ask for-mostly caregivers are the forgotten ones and life can be more than we can take at times and it helps more than I can say to talk with other caregivers.
RUNNINGDOVE
I am so sorry for the passing of your DAD, I am sure your Dad was grateful to be away from your Mon and got much peace and quiet in the N.H. Try not to let her get you down you did the right thing as your Dad told- it is great he did share that with you. I can understand how hard it is to have the person you are working so hard to care for say such mean things to you after a while you feel they are right and it hurts. Many times when my husband was in Rehab until recently the staff was so use to seeing me cry-some of the bolder ones would get upset with him- once a doc yelled at him to not talk to his wife like that. You know you did the right thing and she knows it also but it makes it easier for her to blame you, she wants to hurt you. A friend at church told me people can be mean to those that they depend on the most. You will get a lot of help on this site-there are so many warm caring people here and will be happy to support you-hang in there we all know how it feels to be overwhelmed and at the end of your rope-do we ever!
Thank you for your words of comfort. It really helps to talk to someone other than family. They just don't seem to understand.
How I would have gained support and benefit from this site when I most needed it. But I only had time and energy to explore the internet - when I found this site -AFTER my Father-in-law went into his final Respite stay, where he died soon after realizing we couldn't take him home again because we were no longer coping. That was just a month ago today. We miss him so so much. Had we found ways of venting the frustration and of hearing from others and understanding that this is such a common difficulty for carers, it would have been so helpful. Thank you, Agingcare, for providing such a 'linkup' site. I have you as a link on my blog to try and help people find you as soon as possible.
runnindove,

How is it that it seems our dad's were the caring ones and our mothers are the ones that drive me crazy. My mother is also negative, mean and has nothing ever good to say.

I have been caring for my mother and father 20 years. My dad has had 3 strokes and mom is just a nervous freaking wreck and can't do anything without my help. I am having a complete nervous breakdown after losing my home in Katrina and now having to take my parents in to live with me. I have woke to sickness everyday of my life for 21 years now and cannot literally stand it.

This is a great place to vent, but nothing is helping me. I would rather be caring for my dad by himself than my mom with no illness.

Marylynne
Dear Carol,

Had a physical, occupational and nurse come out today to try to get some home health to take something off of me. After them coming in, I realized all they want to do is to help me give me tips on getting him in the shower again, and getting him in the car again to go to the dr. or get his coumadin levels taken. I wanted some relief. I wanted someone to possibly come in and shower him twice a week and the nurse to keep coming home to take his coumadin so I wouldn't have to do that too.

I wake up so depressed and have lost so much weight that I find it hard to continue on, but do. I have two brothers that won't even take them for a few days, so I could vacation with my family. Have just moved into a house that I added a 1200 sq. ft. addition onto for them to have separate, but together, living quarters. Thought that would help me to not have to listen to the everyday complaints, but it has not changed anything.

My mom, even when we were living in separate houses, was always sick from her nerves and I would have to leave my husband and children to go sleep by her house many of nights, just because she was frightened. She don't seem to remember the way I remember it and there is no telling her any different. She is mean and selfish and I do love her, because she was a good mother. I just can't remember it any more.

It is a shame that it comes to that I have so much hatred for my parents after this long. I think and am afraid that I will die before them and never have had chance to have a real life. My dad took ill when I was pregnant and 25. My oldest daughter is 21 and I am 46, half of my life is gone. I think I am having a mid life crisis and just don't know how to face another day.

Thanks for listening.

Marylynne
Marylynne, I feel for you. After my dad died, I have decided to get out and find a place of my own. One of my younger brothers has moved in and his wife will follow in 2 wks., the house is getting crowded. My mother is very hateful, mean and curses at me everyday. I, as you, can't take it anymore. So, I am going to get away as soon as I can and let my brother and his wife deal with her. I can't even get close to her, I cringe when she touches me and I am also angry. I need some alone time and so do you. The best place for your parents is a nursing home or assisted living. You need time with your family, as do I. I am divorced, but have 3 wonderful son's and 4 grandchildren that I want to spend time with. My brothers would only show up like doctor's visits. A few minutes at a time. The decision to commit your parents to a NH or AL is difficult, but you need to think about yourself and your family. Please go see a doctor, as I have, it will help you.
Rose
Runningdove

I am so glad you have made a decision to get out of that situation and get a place of your own, just making a big decision on your own will probably help you become stronger. Let your brother cope with your mother, it is possible she will be nicer to him then she is to you-my husband took all his venmon out on me and was so nice to most other people-I had been told so often what a nice person he was. You are great for this site-you have been through so much-more than a person should have-you will be so helpful to others who have problems that are too much to deal with-bless you.

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support