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I am now the caregiver for my elderly mother and my elderly spouse. They both try to tell me how to do things, what to do etc. How to cope? I have now become the caregiver for my 86 yr old mother and my 75 yr old husband who health is failing. They both are very opinionated, with my mother trying to tell me what and how to do things, second-guessing me, etc. and my husband also trying to tell me how to do things and being very cranky. I fell like I'm caught in the middle of a nightmarish squeeze play. I love to do things like concerts, etc. and am met with disapproval from both of them when I do try to go somewhere like a movie or concert. I am starting to resent both of them. Also, they both eat differently from each other, so I now find myself cooking up to 6 different meals a day, all with no help or support. I love them both but I am my mental and physical limits. What can I do?



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Cook three meals and they can take it or leave it. If they were 6 and 7 would you let them do this? Go to your concerts, get a sitter. Like toddlers, their tears will dry up a minute after you leave. Get yourself a cleaning lady once a week. I did. Makes me feel so relieved. Get a spa pedicure, all the tight muscles will untighten.
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firefly, oh my gosh you have your hands full, I'm surprised you lasted this long. I wouldn't be able to cope having a love one telling me how to do my chores, I couldn't imagine having it in stereo.

Sadly 40% of the caregivers die leaving behind those they were caring.... then what would your Mom and hubby do? You need to think ahead. If Mom has enough money, maybe she would enjoy living at Assisted Living, thus being around people from her own generation, that would give you a break. If not, what about hiring a part-time caregiver?

And I agree 100% with Pam about the meals. You cook only 3 meals, not 6. Otherwise buy a dozen TV dinners then they can choose to their heart content, and in the 30-45 minutes cooking in the oven, you can take a much needed rest.
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This is not an answer, but I am going through the exact same thing. Mom and I are from Mexico City. I married 34 years ago and have lived in the USA ever since with my Mexi-Pino husband. Meals don't sync up, so I cook and I said: Mom, in this house we eat what you want, at the time you want and we will do the same. If you are hungry, go for it. She's 90.5 but very strong physically. Our menus could not be more opposite. We find good common denominators, and what was a fiasco 5 years ago is now the new normal. My hubby turns 73 this year and I will be 55.
I feel like I am running an assisted living facility.....for free.
So, I shop on ebay, and I am somewhat more at ease with things than at the beginning.
Keep me posted!
M88
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