Have the doctor be the 'bad guy', be prepared for much resistance, be firm if that's what needs to be done, don't dismiss their feelings on the subject telling them 'it's for your own good'. You tell them that you wish desperately that you could turn back the clock when they were well, you tell them you KNOW this is rotten, then you tell them that you yourself will have to face this some day, and it stinks. Getting old is NOT for sissies....
Good answer naheaton but so hard to get to that point. I will eventually blame it all on the "white coats" as a social worker once told me. I have three triggers for when the time will come: 1. incontinence 2. not eating 3. can't remember who "I" am.
My mother has been place in an nursing home for four months and do not want to be their. She is continually asking to go home, knowing that she no longer has an apt. today she ask me to take her home with me for the weekend but I am afraid that I may have a hard time getting her to go back. What should I do?
I read on your profile that "the primary ailment is alzheimer's / dementia."
My mother had vascular dementia and wanted to go home also. However, that was not a realistic possibility. We tried explaining it and having the social worker explain it and finally we started attempting to divert the conversation for she was not remembering what she was told. That is typical for people with dementia.
Also, moving someone with dementia often makes it worse. Actually, you can blame it all on the doctor who will not release her unless she's considered a safe discharge. The nursing home's definition of a safe discharge is probably on a level that would mean she not longer qualifies to be there. I assume her doctor wrote the order for her to be there.
BTW, who has the medical and durable POA for her? I hope these are already in place?
I don't know what her mental state is with her dementia right now, but it may be too late to have her sign anything.
If there is not a POA and her dementia has reached the point of not being competent to conduct her own business in a business like fashion, then someone is going to have to become her guardian to deal with her personal business responsibilities.
Since your question is about someone already in a nursing home and not the original question, you may get more and better input if you make your question a separate post. Just click on ask a new question and ask your question on a new thread. New threads get more attention quicker than older less active threads do.
I want to comment on this statement: "If there is not a POA and her dementia has reached the point of not being competent to conduct her own business in a business like fashion, then someone is going to have to become her guardian to deal with her personal business responsibilities."
Well, maybe, if the person has any business to conduct. But not everyone needs to go through the process and expense of obtaining guardianship. My mother has been unable to "conduct her own business" for several years. She never named a POA. Her children look after her. She is now in a nursing home. She is on Medicaid. She has a burial fund and no other assets. I can't imagine any reason that she needs a guardian.
The situation might be different if her children had radically different ideas about what is good for her. We don't. Or if she had assets to manage. She doesn't.
Not every old person with dementia needs a guardian or even a POA. Just saying' ...
My mother had vascular dementia and wanted to go home also. However, that was not a realistic possibility. We tried explaining it and having the social worker explain it and finally we started attempting to divert the conversation for she was not remembering what she was told. That is typical for people with dementia.
Also, moving someone with dementia often makes it worse. Actually, you can blame it all on the doctor who will not release her unless she's considered a safe discharge. The nursing home's definition of a safe discharge is probably on a level that would mean she not longer qualifies to be there. I assume her doctor wrote the order for her to be there.
BTW, who has the medical and durable POA for her? I hope these are already in place?
I don't know what her mental state is with her dementia right now, but it may be too late to have her sign anything.
If there is not a POA and her dementia has reached the point of not being competent to conduct her own business in a business like fashion, then someone is going to have to become her guardian to deal with her personal business responsibilities.
Since your question is about someone already in a nursing home and not the original question, you may get more and better input if you make your question a separate post. Just click on ask a new question and ask your question on a new thread. New threads get more attention quicker than older less active threads do.
Well, maybe, if the person has any business to conduct. But not everyone needs to go through the process and expense of obtaining guardianship. My mother has been unable to "conduct her own business" for several years. She never named a POA. Her children look after her. She is now in a nursing home. She is on Medicaid. She has a burial fund and no other assets. I can't imagine any reason that she needs a guardian.
The situation might be different if her children had radically different ideas about what is good for her. We don't. Or if she had assets to manage. She doesn't.
Not every old person with dementia needs a guardian or even a POA. Just saying' ...