I have been caring for her for over 6 years in her home. Mom is almost 91 and in the later part of moderate stage dementia - she can dress herself and only needs a little help with showering and gets around okay with a cane. Has a low back issue which hurts if she stands for more than 10-15 mins. I have not worked for 2 years and have been taking care of her and helping her for over 6 years. I have some help that comes in weekly and take occasional 1 or 2 night respites and have a couple 5 day trips planned. I also started weekly counseling just to have someone to talk with about it all. My health has declined quite a bit in the past 2 years and I'm doing my best to maintain it. It has become increasingly difficult for me to deal with the situation and I'm starting to feel like I just do not want to do it anymore. I don't want to be my mothers caregiver, I want to be her daughter again and visit her like my other siblings do. My mother is still very aware and knows her mind is going. She has always been a worrier and a "glass half" kind of person. She is very sweet and loving and thanks me every night when we go to bed. I feel fortunate to have such a sweet mom. Her physical care is easy but the mental/emotional part is wearing me out. I feel like I just want to get away from her which is not a good feeling. She has some money but not a lot, enough for a decent AL with memory care for about 3 years in this area.
I think about getting a job, outside the home, so I can have some time away from her and maybe meet some new friends but with as tired as I already feel this seems daunting and not doable. I just keep trying to think of ways to make it work but the only way it would work would be if someone came to live with us to help. No one in the family is available, capable or willing to do such a thing. Thank you for your prayers, I need them.
My parents [in their 90's] wouldn't budge from their house, never, nada, nope. It wasn't until my Mom passed, that two weeks later that my Dad said he was ready to move into a senior type housing, he couldn't do all the stairs anymore, even with the help of paid caregivers. What was ironic, I had just toured a senior housing facility just the day before and the place looked really nice. Kept my fingers crossed when Dad wheeled into the lobby that he would like the place.... he said "where do I sign up?".... and that was before he had a tour of the building and the free lunch :)
Therefore, I think there need to be a major reason or need before one's parents will move into Assisted Living. The more I think back, the more I realized I was enabling my parents to keep up their life style in their own home. And in the mean time my house was being neglected and my health was declining big time. I was afraid my parents would outlive me.
It seems like we're all in the same "dementia boat". You're an amazing women! Caring for a parent for 10 years is a very long time. I think the hardiest part is when we have to make the decision to get our parents into a Care facility. My situation is basically the same as yours but only for 2 yrs (seems like 10) and I have my sister to help me. We care for mom in her home and just like your mom (with help) bathes and clothes herself and walk around with a cane but her brain is not good. Even with help I feel drained, especially mentally and it breaks my heart when I leave my beautiful home and husband. They never want to leave their home but unfortunately it will happen. We have made it very clear to mom (several times) that one day we're going to have to find a good care facility for her because we will not be able to give her the care she needs. I've also told my sister once this disease starts affecting us physically, we're not doing it anymore. If we were to have to place mom in a care facility my heart would be at piece because we've done everything possible to keep her content. Angelaiwil, listen to your heart and body. Go visit care facilities schedule appointments for tours and meet with the coordinators to see what financial programs she qualifies for. Your mom has lives 91 wonderful years, you deserve to live yours. Please keep us posted, god bless.
Let me caution you, though.....My sister & I toured 6 facilities and chose 2 of the 6 to take Dad to tour (mom couldn't go due to immobility issues).. We immediately turned down those 4 because they were awful. Urine stench,,,ratty looking surroundings, unacceptable cleanliness...we actually cried when we left one of them. I didn't want to scare my folks. Check with your local area on aging office or online and see what types of situations are available in your area & start collecting info now.
For Assisted Living, go on tours, usually they include a free lunch. Or go to their Holiday parties, Like Mothers Day, Memorial Day or 4th of July. It is not for now, it is for "when the time comes" and "you can decide which place you like". We got a one month trial at half price. Mom stayed.