How can I control my wife with dementia?

Warren, it sounds like your wife's care has become more than you are able to do, you know it will continue to get worse. You will not be able to control her, if you try she will become agitated. She sounds like she is a danger to herself and others. If it were me, I woyld begin the search for appropriate care. See an elder law attorney to help with Medicaid Planning so the cost of her care does not impoverish you.

LadyMiller - " Our doctors have put us on tranquilizers to deal with her. Her hips are crumbling. Her doctor does not want her in a nursing home and here we are......" So she is more important than everyone else? If her doctor does not want her in a nursing home, then he should be coming up with a solution other than her living with you and ruining your lives!

If the Dr does not want her in a NH invite him to spend the night at your house. The man's an idiot.
Zytrhr this is not about the Dr getting paid, he looses money caring for Medicare patients. he simply thinks it is best for old people to be cared for at home by their family. In theory this of course is true but we all know about theories!!!!!!!!!! This may have been fine in the days of huge families where there was a spinster aunt who still lived at home who was too simple to work and she kept an eye on grandma while everyone else worked.

Even as a nurse, my husband displays most of your wife's habits, however short of tying her up so you can sleep (do not do this!), better start thinking of alternatives for where she can live. There are group homes (a private home which allows ten people), or a facility with memory care. Staff is awake at night to handle dementia persons who wander. Their biological clock is off due to the dementia, so do not blame your wife for her condition. Yes, it is very taxing to be a caregiver, so I suggest a support group where you can hear others stories, and yes, you could turn off the water at a house turn on-off handle. It is found at the front or back of you house. If you have gas those need to be disconnected. Take the knobs off an electrical stove and mainly use a microwave for cooking dinners. Also ask her doctor if he/she can prescribe a tiny muscle relaxant. Don't give antihistamines like Benadryl because her memory will be even more affected. Do the best you can Warren, and when it gets too much for you, let professionals take over. There is no shame in asking for help, and I am so very glad you found this website to vent your concerns and frustrations. I am with you 100% percent! This illness will not last forever and soon her symptoms will fade, she will not remember you, won't be able to speak or move and then death follows. So love her for the time she has left and try to see some humor in the things she does. My husband started using the wastebasket in the bathroom to deposit his toilet paper. It smelled. Then we recently moved to a much smaller apt., I put the wastebasket in the cabinet below the sink, and now he puts the paper in the toilet. Try creative thinking about where to put objects so she won't move them, and know her mind is trying its best to get "organized", and doesn't know why she get scolded for "helping" you. My husband was very organized, could fly and take apart a B-747, so one can only imagine how his brain is trying to organize things. All I can do is tell him to stop trying to "help" me, and give him little jobs I know he can handle. Keep your wife busy. She is doing the best she can with what brain power she has left. My prayers are with you!

We have a facility near us that is strictly and overnight facility for dementia folks who don't sleep. They will pick them up and bring them home so the caregiver can get a good nights sleep. The cost is less than most good hotels. You might investigate and see if there is anything like this near you. It can be a blessing.

Warren, I'm glad she is calmer now and easier to get along with, but I imagine tying her to her bed or putting mittens on her hands will bring out the hellcat you so recently got under control. If you are committed to caring for her at home then you need to be committed 100% of the time, get up when she starts roaming around at night and guide her back to bed or just keep your eyes on her to keep her safe. Just like a parent of a newborn does you will have to sleep when she does or hire someone to be with her when you need time off. I think your solutions sound much worse than anything you imagine you are saving her from in a nursing home.

CTTN55

Doctor could really care less. He/she is most concerned about getting paid. He probably figures she does not have much longer to live, so..

Have you tried exercising her? My mom was driving me crazy doing odd repetitive things including playing with locks over and over again until I started exercising her. She needs her walker and it took about a year but I can get her to walk about a half mile a day--everyday-seven days a week. Her behavior really improved. It also helps to give them a cup of cocoa DAILY. I use a good heaping tablespoon. I made a very strong green tea (2 teabags) in a little water, mix the cocoa in, then dilute with soy or almond milk. It's really quite good. For some strange reason that helps a lot with her behavior too-give it during the day since green tea has caffine in it. It helps keep her awake day so she will sleep at night. If she starts getting sleepy afternoon I will also give her about a half cup of Mountain Dew. NEVER after 3 pm. It helps keep her days and nights regulated. IF YOU USE TRANQUILIZERS or psychotropic drugs-- realize that will increase the risk of falling.

when I first exercised my mom she could only walk about a half block..gradually building up her resistance and about a year later she's up to close to a half mile a day with her walker. We go in the park every morning and do this. She really enjoys it too.

Wanting to keep someone at home is great.
They do better, are engaged more, are healthier and live longer.
I have always said " I will keep my husband at home as long as I can SAFELY care for him" by safely I meant his safety as well as mine.
It sounds like it is not safe for you to keep her at home unless you have someone that can watch her at night.
Unless medication can help it sounds like it is time that you look for a place that will be able to care for her 24/7.
Placing her in a Memory Care facility will allow you to become her Husband first, caregiver second. YOU will be more relaxed and she probably will as well. I have found that when I am stressed or others around my husband are stressed he picks up on that. I can only imagine your wife is picking up on the stress that you feel and that can make her act out more. (just as a child does when they get angry then throw a temper tantrum)
Not all situations are the same and not all plans work the way you want them to and as much as you want to keep her at home it might be time.
Another option would be to place her for Respite so you can get a break