Follow
Share

Last month, I tore my PCL, Meniscus and also the tendons that connect the Patella to the Tibia in both knees. I am in a lot of pain, cannot walk anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk again.


Am having so much trouble taking care of my 86 year old Mom. She is also in a wheelchair and is low vision. Has had several strokes in the past.


I can barely do it, it's so hard. I have to drag myself around with a Walker, and also have a wheelchair, but I can't reach anything with it in the kitchen/laundry - and I'm exhausted. It's so difficult.


And, of course - we have NO other family, only friends are 2,600 miles away, and we don't know our neighbors (new to the area for a few months) and there's this virus situation, where I can't hire any help at all right now. Everyone is self-isolating social distancing in my county, ... so it's me and only me.


Any advice? (other than Nursing Home/Assisted Living, as that can never be an option for either of us - so please, it won't be at all helpful to me to give advice in that direction. Thank you, kindly)


And, I have to prepare all of the meals, and do all the cleaning, daily laundry & taking out the trash, getting mail, bringing in groceries that are delivered by dragging my legs in a walker. I can stand up in one place for 15-20 seconds at a time. But, can't actually walk without the walker.
Sorry so long, : )


Any ideas, please? I'm hoping my legs will heal some ... but, it 's been 3 weeks and they have not.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
So, why is a NH not an option?
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

With a little more information, you will find there are options for your knees to heal.
Do not give up.
Start by using ice.

See it as a 2-6 wk. challenge to figure out how many things:
1) You can do without.
2) Mom can do without.
3) Can you call a neighbor to bring in your mail after 4 days? No, new neighbors? I would call grubhub to deliver something, and ask the delivery person to bring in your mail.

Note:
The mail delivery person is trained to notice if someone is not picking up their mail and a senior may live there. Maybe they will bring it to your door.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Thank you, I like the idea of setting mini-goals like that. As, hopefully this won't be forever.

Too bad we moved away from where we used to live and had kind & helpful neighbors there.

I did ask for help from a neighbor after I got hurt, and was denied. They're not very friendly in this neighborhood. I will not forget that lesson...

Hadn't thought of Grub Hub. Have never used a service like that before, just WalMart delivery.

Great idea, I'll look into that. Thank you
And will also work on setting goals instead of feeling sorry for myself.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
A NH is not going to be an option, and taking this thread in that direction will discourage helpful replies. Thank you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
LoopyLoo Mar 2020
Such severe tears and injuries cannot heal alone. At all. My husband shredded his ACL and MCL. He tried to tough it out... and destroyed what little cartilage he had left. He had to get his ACL replaced or be permanently disabled before he was 30.

Please, stop and think. If an NH isn't option because of the fear that they're all terrible places where people go to die... I promise there's many, many people on here who can tell you that isn't their experience for their loved one. If it's not an option because you promised your mother you won't ever place her, then please look at where you both are in this.

This can't go on. Nor can you. It's not a case of pushing your way through, or willpower, or love being enough to sustain you both. You are wearing yourself out before your mother. What is going to happen to her when you just cannot go one one more day, one more minute? When your body gives out? When she falls and you cannot help her because you're permanently disabled?

Because as much as you hope this won't be forever? I'm sorry to say... it will be.

Your mother unfortunately has issues that can maybe be managed for now, until she declines further (as we all do with age). Your issues aren't just being un-managed; they're being ignored. Your heart is in the right place, and no one faults you for wanting to care for her. She is lucky to have a daughter who cares so much!

Please consider that this working your broken body literally to the grave is, ultimately, hurting her. What will happen to her when you're gone or so disabled you cannot safely care for her? You don't want to see her suffer, and she doesn't want to see you suffer either!

Please, call your local area agency on aging and start there. If anything you can try and get some help in the meantime. A place where she can get 24/7 care and attention while you heal, or at least help repair, your own body-- and then still be a consistent part of her care, as any good place would want!-- can mean a longer, happier, healthier life for you both.
(8)
Report
Hi Olivia. I’m so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Sendhelp gave good advice. Maybe if you planned your tasks right after you’ve iced your knees to get some relief. Also, I would try to avoid each task every day. Do laundry every few days if you can for now. When you prepare meals, prepare double at least. Cleaning would be at the bottom of my list until further recovered. Let some of it slide. It will be there when you are feeling better. I also think mail could be delivered to your door. Call the post office and inquire. If grocery delivery is free shipping, I would place small orders often so the boxes are smaller and more manageable. I hope you start to feel better real soon. Hugs.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Thank you Sweetstuff, all very helpful ideas! : )
(0)
Report
Olivia, I too am sorry to hear what you're going through. Are there any family members or very close friends who would fly or drive to your home to help out for a few weeks? I used to do that for my elderly parents.

Also, please join your neighborhood's NextDoor (social networking) app and get to know more of your neighbors. My neighborhood group has many kind people who are volunteering to run errands/shop for anyone needing help. A neighborhood NextDoor group is a good place to ask for advice for other questions and situations, too.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Linzy6, we have 0 family and no close friends anymore. They've passed on over the years. It's just the 2 of us.
Yes, I joined Nextdoor - and it's very helpful, and after the "social distancing" is over I 100% intend to use the services offered on there. It's an excellent site - just the timing is bad right now.
(1)
Report
I don't think your'e feeling sorry for yourself at all.I think your'e in pain and everything is harder when your'e in pain.
A heating pad and ice might help alot if you can do them before your tasks but other than that and setting small goals,I think it's just going to take more time to heal.
Take care as best as you can~
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Thank you, Luckulu. I appreciate your kind answer. Yes, things are just harder now and they will get better over time & I need to be patient and improve slowly. : )
(0)
Report
Thank you all for your support. Am feeling much more positive about things! Life goes on, my legs will eventually heal. I will probably always need to use a Walker/Rollator, and that's fine.
When this virus/social isolation time ends - we will hire some help, as we originally planned.
Thank you again, the suggestions are very helpful.

Edited to add: My Mom is happy with her care, our lives are happy. I've learned there's more to me than a pair of legs. My heart and soul remains the same - so it's just a matter of time to adjust to life the way it is now, and we can do that.

I really do appreciate the time ya'all took to offer advice.
: )
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
LoopyLoo Mar 2020
I don't mean to be insensitive, but you seem to be in a bit of denial... torn up knees WILL NOT HEAL AS THEY OUGHT if you do not get some sort of treatment. This isn't something ice packs and propping up will fix. You're suffering and it's hard! You need help, and that's okay. Your resistance to any other suggestion but toughing this out and not getting treatment is what's concerning to me.

I never said you aren't taking great care of your mother under the circumstances; I'm sure you are. What I was saying is that you won't be able to keep caring for her and not take care of yourself and your injuries. You're not a bad person. Just overwhelmed.

Of course you love your mother and want to care for her and you're doing the best you can! That is obvious. Of course you're more than a pair of legs!

You can't disregard your physical body AND care for your mother without losing one or the other. Please at least see an orthopedist and explain you are a caretaker. My mother was able to get physical therapy at home when she broke her leg.
(5)
Report
Well if nobody else is going to ask -

How on earth did you manage to do that to yourself?! What happened?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
No response necessary.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Are you getting PT? That could really really help get your knees back in shape! Since you are basically home bound, you should be able to get home PT services. Lobby for yourself and get yourself some help for your knees.

Speaking of help, you obviously need some additional help in the home. I would start with home health services to see what your mom could qualify for. This is way too much for you to handle, especially in your current condition.

Meals on wheels?

How about moving into an apartment in a building for elderly and disabled that should be handicapped accessible?

Hope you get your situation improved ASAP.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Am getting PT online via YouTube.
And, after "Social Distancing" has been lifted, will be hiring a Health Care Aide to assist, once or twice a week. But, by that time - I may not need it, as I'm slowly adapting and learning to pace myself better.
Can get around in the house, am adapting/learning. The shower has built-in handicapped bars already, which is a help.
(1)
Report
Today, you can go online and find some PT exercises that will help get your knees in better shape. I love Bob and Brad's physical therapy on youtube. PT has helped me with a couple of minor issues and will be necessary for you to improve your strength of other muscles to assist you to get around better.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Thank you, my best friend is a Nurse and she's sent me some links to PT videos - and indeed, they have been very helpful! I can see the difference after watching those videos. : ) It's minor, but it's a great start.
(1)
Report
What a great idea to go online and get your PT Olivia~Good for you!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
Thank you, the online PT videos are working. Makes me feel a little stronger.
(0)
Report
In our county they have set up a hotline for elders that need assistance in their homes with meals, meds and just questions. I actually called it yesterday with a question and got an immediate answer. Your profile doesn’t state where you’re located, so can you search on line in your county for such a hotline?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
anonymous904794 Mar 2020
That was one of the first things I did, with the help of a friend across the country who is in social work. Was told I needed to be on Medicaid to receive any help, and I do not qualify for Medicaid and that they are unable to help me, sorry.

So, thought I'd come here for suggestions.
(0)
Report
"Am having so much trouble taking care of my 86 year old Mom."

Options;
#A Hire home help. See what you quality for or self-pay.

#B Move to where there is help provided. A place with full levels of care, with IL or AL for you & either AL or NH for Mum.

Sorry but I can't think of any other real options.

There are no magical cures for injury, medical ailments or age. I wish there were.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
LoopyLoo Mar 2020
She seems very distrustful of medical care at all. She's not giving us the whole story.
(1)
Report
Meals on Wheels, for both of you... look it up.

Ask Your Doctors...Yes, Both Of You for PALLIATIVE CARE....
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Why dont you and/or mom qualify for Medicaid?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter