What do I do about constant repeated questions?

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What do I do about constant repeated questions?

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When my mom was still at home, I got the opportunity to help with her care. It was for a few weeks at my dads passing and then getting her set up for state aide for the NH. She had sundowners and the questions were an everyday nonstop cycle. Well we would give the same answer most of the time. But we are children(adults), and it was amusing to make up different answers. Mom was waiting for her dad to pick her up to go home, why was he so late. He was fishing, working late, at a fire(he was a fireman). She barely heard the different answer. Sometimes it would prompt a follow up question. But within the minute it would be back to where is he? Telling her he was dead and had been since 1979, only upset her. Good luck . I suggest lots of reading on the dementia/ memory loss subjects. And try to remember this to shall pass. I hope you dad returns home soon.

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Charlie, the worst thing you can do in my humble opinion is to argue with your Mom. I know the frustrations you feel, for I too take care of my 85 yr. old mother. Although she hasn't been diagnosed yet with Altzheimer's or Dementia, she too will ask the same question 100 times a day. When she asks you "Where's Charlie at?" Tell her, he'll be along later today or maybe tomorrow. Don't try to correct her by saying "I'm Charlie" it will only confuse her more. As for the questions of where her parents are, tell her they are resting now. Maybe don't tell her they are dead, because this may make her worse. These are just a couple tricks I picked up years ago when I worked in a nursing home and dealing with the elderly. Now I'm using my skills to deal with my Momma. Nothing is easy Charlie, but I agree with the others that you need a break.

I hope I was some what helpful to you Charlie.

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Charlie, you need a break! Your mother is going to continue to ask questions over and over, and either you deal with this or you get some help to deal with her. Dementia robs the brain of memories, and she will not retain the memory of the answered questions, and will want to know again, and again, what the answer is. Do not go into a long explanation, just say your father will be home soon, and "Charlie" will be home soon too. Try to get more time to talk about how you are feeling with others. It is good to get out of the house every day even if it is just to take a walk. Hang in there. We are in this together...

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My Mom said I was too old to be her daughter. She passed away before I tried this. Make a picture book of YOU. As a baby, first day at school, first bike, high school and on...so she can 'see' how you have changed (aged).

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I use the same tactics as txcamper. Less is better for us, and them. Obviously the answers don't process much, so any simple response is acceptable. You'll develop what I call 'the script' of go to answers that you'll respond with rather than think of an answer which is a bit easier on us. I also print out the days of the week so mom can look at it rather than ask.

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I believe the only real option is to get used to it. Once you accept that it's going to keep happening, it does make it easier to keep answering -- over and over and over and over again. But it IS always disheartening and often upsetting when your parent doesn't recognize you or calls you by another name - but that's a topic for a whole new post...

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My mom will ask me, usually nightly as we're sitting in our chairs in my living room, who I am. I tell her I'm her oldest daughter Cindy. She says, "No, you're not my Cindy." I sometimes repeat that I certainly am her daughter. Last night for a change, she asked me for my "papers" to prove it. Sometimes I tell her she's right, I'm sure NOT her Cindy anymore, that I've aged years and changed and not for the better. But I really try most of the time to find the humor in the constant repeating of questions. It can be very hard on a bad day. I head for my bedroom for awhile and play on my PC like I am right now, ha-ha.

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Hang in there, Charlie. I have GAD and clinical depression as well. Take care of yourself. Read the posts - they help a lot. People that actually "get it". Great advice from those that have been there, and done it. Wish I had found this site 6 years ago when my mom first fell ill. Occasionally you'll find yourself laughing out loud, sometimes you'll feel so bad for folks, mostly you'll see that you're not alone, and it helps to know that.

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Thank you all so much for your wonderful answers and support. I wish I could get my mom interested in TV or other activities again but it seems all she wants to do lately is sleep. When we make the big decision to be caregivers I don't think we ever know what we're getting ourselves into, I know I didn't. Thank God I do have some help and I'm also back in school which has been a blessing. And it's so nice to hear from others who are going through the same thing. I also suffer from GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and clinical depression which doesn't help, but I take medication and see a therapist twice a month. However, it's just knowing that I'm not alone that has been the lifesaver lately. Thank you, all of you.

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What really worries me is when she says "Where's Bill?" and she's looking at him, asking him. When he says I'm Bill, she say's of course.

I do agree that it's hard for her to see these old people and think they are her children. I think you may be on to something there.

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I will say that every repeat of the same question doesn't get the same answer. I may start out with a longer answer and end up with the abridged version.
"Where's Bill?"
me: He went to pick up Jimmy and then they were going bowling
Where's Bill?
He and Jimmy went bowling.
Where's Bill?
Bowling.
'Course there's many more in between, but you get the gist.

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My mom does the same thing. There isn't much you can do. When she asks where her folks are I tell her they're out right now. It's getting worse as her vascular dementia progresses. It is very frustrating but I try to remember that it is WAY worse on her that it is on me. Hang in there. Watch Teepa Snow's videos on youtube...they really help a lot.

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What do I do about constant repeated questions? Give constant repeated answers. Sigh. Tough, isn't it? You can vary your answers if it helps with the boredom.

I don't think you have to repeat a long explanation every time. The short version is enough for repetitions 4 thru 21. Then start over.

Getting asked where Charlie is must be especially frustrating. Have you tried "Charlie went to the store"?

The other day my mom said to me, "I know all the other women in this picture, but I can't figure out who this is." I said, "You mean that attractive gray-haired lady? That is your oldest daughter Jeanne. That's me!" She looked at me and then the picture, very confused. "Oh. I guess I should have figured it out. All the others are my daughters, too." When she sees me in person and hears my voice she knows who I am, but I think it is hard for her to accept that she has a child with gray hair. Her own is still auburn (with a weekly hair appointment). Who knows why your mother knows that you are Charlie but also wants to know where Charlie is? Give her a soothing answer and try to distract her to another topic.

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I wonder if the "other Charlie" is Charlie as a boy or young man - not the adult man she sees now. Like people who want to go back to their home of 40 or 50 years ago.

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Don't ask her to stop. Cruel or not, that would add a further exercise in futility to endlessly answering the same question - so, I suppose you could say, it would actually be cruel to you!

My mother has recently started doing this too, and so far I'm at this "oh-oh here we go" stage rather than bleak despair. Where's so and so, who brought the flowers, how do I know it's a begonia not a rose, did I "signal" (she means text) my brother about her hands. At least there's a variety of questions!

You sound as if you have a much longer fuse than I'm afraid I have. I might well be coming back to you for advice on being sweet to my mother.

It's interesting that she asks where "the other" Charlie is even when you've reassured her that it's you and she's accepted that. I wonder if she's not getting the question out straight? Could there be another person she means to ask about but says Charlie, perhaps, because you're there and that's the name her brain latches on to?

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Mom went through a phase a few years ago of asking the same question over and over. I thought I'd go nuts, but now that she doesn't talk much at all, I kinda miss it. She tells a few of the same stories over again, but I think it's just trying to participate in the conversation as much as anything. She does confuse her deceased husband with her son (my husband) sometimes. It's sad and we do straighten her out, but I'm not really sure if that's the right thing to do.

I wish we'd recorded Dad's stories, or at least written them down. He would tell of the Depression and the CCC and WW2 and we'd just roll our eyes. Now we're older and wish we could remember what all he would tell us.

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Jessie, when my Dad is in instant replay mode with his stories from 70 years ago, I found I was able to distract him to tell me a new story.... example, Dad likes to talk about his days in college, numerous stories that I have heard so many times I could repeat them word for word.... now I know that Dad, when he was in college, couple times he worked with Ronald Reagan when Reagan was a radio sports caster, and Dad can pull from his memory stories I hadn't heard which makes for a much more enjoyable discussion :)

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Charlie, many of us deal with the same thing. There's really nothing we can do except find an excuse to leave the room when it gets too much. My mother doesn't ask questions repeatedly, but she has been telling the same stories for five years now. It can be painful hearing them over and over again. I usually just listen, but sometimes it is too much, so I have to leave the room. I'm fortunate, because my mother doesn't need someone with her all the time. I can work or go out during the day while she watches TV. Being able to do that helps me keep my sanity. Having your me-time every day -- not just every week or two -- is important, IMO.

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Here are a couple of sites with in depth Alz information

Do a lot of reading...
http://tinyurl.com/oxb2a7x
http://tinyurl.com/phdkacl

develop a support network of other caregivers

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Charlie, here's an article I found here on the website. Hope this is helpful.

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/elders-repeating-the-same-story-146023.htm

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No, you can't tell her to stop, but you definitely need a break, some time to yourself. You may have this in stereo when Dad gets home. To preserve your own sanity, hire a companion or aide to care for them at least one day a week. Make that YOUR day to recharge your batteries. You might even want some anxiety meds the first few weeks Dad is home, and shuffle mom off to adult day care three mornings a week, it will relieve her boredom.

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Charlie I don't have a good answer for you, I just want to say you're a wonderful son. I can't imagine dealing with this day in and day out. My mom has no short-term memory, but is oriented in time and space and knows who's who. And I find her totally frustrating at times and I don't even live with her,so I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. {{{{Hugs}}}}

One thing I did for my mom, which only works part of the time, is to write in big letters (I printed off signs on the computer) about how old she is, how old her sister was when she died and any other question she is constantly figuring out. Like my brother had surgery yesterday and I printed out the details about that. Then I pinned those sheets to her couch, which is right next to her chair, so she can easily see them. I continually point to those answers and practice with her that they're there. But my mom can still read and process written communication, and I don't know if your mom can do that or not. I hope you'll get some good answers from others.

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What do I do about constant repeated questions?

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