Confused between all the doctors' opinions. Did any of you try a good calming medication that is suitable for the elderly?

The more doctors you see, the more prescriptions your mother is going to get!

Olanzapine is used for schizophrenia or bipolar disorders........why is she taking that? Lorazepam is Ativan and used for anxiety. OCD behaviors are common with dementia.......as long as she's not harming herself or others, why are you medicating her to stop repetitive actions? Some dementia sufferers open and close doors repeatedly, pack and unpack the same bags all day long, walk the hallways, pace back and forth, rummage for hours thru drawers etc. I saw it all the time when I worked in a Memory Care Assisted Living community last year. The staff left the residents alone to their repetitive behaviors because it just goes along with the territory.

If you plan to care for your mother at home, learn all you can about dementia and watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, too. You may need to learn distraction techniques and behavioral modifications to rely on instead of meds. Structure is very important with dementia. A routine whereby she has activities, meals, hygiene, exercise and daily habits she can get used to. That may help her stop relying on only 2 things to keep herself occupied with. Maybe not...dementia is very tricky and very difficult to manage.

My mother has dementia and basically cannot tolerate ANY medications. Nothing works for many of the demented folks anyway, it's found, thru trial and error. Every single medication the doctor has prescribed for my mother has made her dementia dramatically worse, so it has to be discontinued. It's very frustrating, too.

Many folks have found that CBD oil works well for dementia. It didn't do squat for my mother, but hers had no THC in it which renders it pretty useless to begin with. Some swear by the Biomat mini.....infrared heating pad type thing with amethyst crystals. One poster here said it took his demented mom from being out of control to a pussy cat.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation

Decide on one doctor to use. Either a geriatrician or a neurologist that specializes in dementia.

You don’t want doctors stacking meds. My mom got some benzodiazepines for muscle pains and nausea, and went to the hospital and they gave her opiates and she went into respiratory failure and died. When I came home and read all the different meds’ interaction warnings, I realized what happened.

Many years before she passed, her mind just began racing like crazy. It was like she had sudden onset ADD. All over the place. Became obsessed with going to doctors and looking for anything to make her feel better. She’d had shingles, so she was on valtrex and lyrica for last 7 years. Meds for chemo related nausea...copd meds...muscle relaxers, etc...taking all those meds just created more problems. She tried antidepressants and those gave her colitis. Tried anti-anxiety to calm her thoughts and stop her fretting and wanting to see doctors. No avail. The only thing that sorta helped was cbd. She’d just be content for a little while, but it didn’t make her wobbly or high like all the “prescriptions”. Also, towards the last month of her life, we decided to allocate worry time and content time. I’d care for her during the day, call docs, eat, do meds. Then when I left, she was supposed to turn her “busyness “ off, and just be. Again, sometimes helpful, but not consistently so. Let me tell ya, my moms brain would wear out my mental energy in about an hour! Just constant questions, things she had to do (even during the beginning of the pandemic, she’d drive herself to the Walgreens-daily!) it’s exhausting and frustrating, bc they can’t just enjoy what is. I hope you find answers, but I’d look for strategies before prescriptions bc the prescriptions all come with something like dangerous interactions or making them unsteady both mentally and physically. I think docs just get tired of hearing their constant complaints so they prescribe stuff without thinking of the ramifications, like accidental overdose and the like.

I suggest finding a good Naturopath doctor. My daughter lived in CA when my mother was in stage 3 Lewy Body dementia. Grandmama, my mother, moved into an asst living facility close to her. My daughter hooked Grandmama up with a great Naturopath who helped wean her off all meds and onto supplements. The head nurse at her facility was open to letting us try prescribed medical canibas. Canibas, in the correct form, gave my mother a longer quality life. If you live where medical canibas is legal, I highly recommend trying it, but find a knowledgeable source. Grandmama has since moved back to Texas near me. So, now we had to turn to CBD. What we have found is that the CBD tincture needs to be alcohol based because it crosses the brain barrier. I’m not a specialist but that is the explanation I received when I tried the oil based tincture without results. Grandmama is entering her final stage of Lewy Body but I feel that the change from psych meds to supplements and canibas products has given us time with her that is priceless. It’s still been hard, of course, but her disease has been ‘manageable’ for 10 years now. She has just now become combative and that just happened after her 2 and a half month stint in a memory center (but that’s a whole other story!) I hope this helps. It’s emotionally exhausting to not know what to do and I’ve found that even good reputable doctors just don’t get it. My prayers are with you.

Have you tried something simple and soothing, like music?

I so wish you luck with this. This is such a hard place to be. The addition of medications does lead to problems for some, and can even lead to falls and broken bones and other complications. Yet without them life is an ongoing torment in some cases. I hope you will have good luck, and often enough it is much like mental illness, where drug cocktails are tried until the magic formula is found (IF it is found_).

My Mom took risperidone She was restless and having audio hallucinations. It seemed to help, but she slept a lot. Which, was better then the alternative.

Seroquel is the medication prescribed for my mother with the same issues as yours.

Oh I feel your frustration. Finding the right medication and dosage, as well as, finding the right doctor is difficult. You need to continue to carefully watch your Mother with these powerful mind changing drugs. These drugs have significant after effects. You may need to intercede if a problem arises. At this point I think you need to wait and see if the new drug and dosages work over more time. Sometimes the dementia behaviors will change by themselves, but new ones will arise. If the behavior is harmless let it be. Your mom is lucky to have you!

Stick with her geriatric psychiatrist. Psych meds take a while to get to therapeutic levels in the blood stream; it will take some time to see results. Some medications work better than others, her doctor seems to be using good meds and ones I would expect (I am an RN). He/She may adjust the dosages or switch to other medications based on how your mom's behavior responds to her medication. It takes time and there is no overnight fix.

If you are taking care of mom in your home (post implies you are), consider allowing others to help with her care so you don't get burnt out. Ask family members, friends, members of faith community and paid help to take some time with your mom daily and for longer periods weekly. Use your "off time" to make sure to meet your health needs and your soul needs for activities you enjoy with people you value.

It might help to understand that your mom's brain is broken. She can't access some neurons in her brain for most recent memories and decision-making. Other neurons seem to be connected and "firing" all the time = repetitive behaviors. As long as she can move safely, give her places she can wander until her psych doctor and you find the "sweet spot" in her medication needs. You can also try diverting her attention to other tasks: coloring, folding laundry, cleaning counters or other housework, baking with you...

Please try CBD oil.
Flavored.
Can not overdose.
1000 mg, dropper under the tongue or in liquid.
It is legal everywhere.
Wwait 45 min.
Big difference.
Using this for years on my 85 year old Dad.

To find a med that will help is often times a challenge. Seroquel worked great for my mom, but ativan had the completely opposite affect. It will be trial and error to find what will work for her.

Patience is key while finding something to work.

Certain "things" like non stop walking, and other what might be called OCD behaviors are common with dementia. The best thing to try to do is redirect or at least make sure she is safe when doing the behavior.
I would not keep switching doctors. Often with medications that are prescribed for anxiety or OCD behavior take adjusting and possibly changing medications.
When my Husband was in Day Care (I placed him in a MC facility from 9 to 4 for about 1 year) there was a woman that walked the hall non stop. I do not think I ever saw her sitting except when I saw them having lunch.
For now, until medication is found that will relieve the anxiety make sure the walking she does is safe. If possible try to keep her off stairs. But if that is not possible make sure there are handrails, the stairs are clear of any items. If you do have handrails make sure the ends are not open so that she does not catch a sleeve on the end. If there is a possibility that she would get out of the house make sure that that possibility is reduced. (Lock doors, sometimes a dark mat or rug in front of the door makes some think there is a hole there. (I am not a fan of mats or rugs as they are a trip hazard)

Melatonin!! It’s all natural and works great. I use the liquid form-buy on Amazon-to help me sleep. I have been placed on numerous “sleep” meds by various doctors without success. I take Melatonin before bed and sleep a lot better. It comes in various pill strength and liquid form. Talk with your pharmacist for recommendations. Maybe a small amount would calm her down.
Best of luck!!

I went through the exact same thing with my 76 year old mother. She seemed to be immune to every medication and had so much energy! The woman never sleeps! Doctors just say, it's "trial and error." Really?! Xanax, Lorazapam Gabapentin, Ambien have absolutely no effect on her. 1000mg CBD did nothing. Melatonin didn't work either. She's only 110 lbs for crying out loud! An on-call nurse suggested Trazadone during the day. Eureka! Trazadone is for anxiety and also used as a sleep aid. It doesn't make my Mom sleep, but DOES come her down. I give her 50 mg Trazadone 3-4 times a day. It takes only 15 minutes to start working. I started giving it every 8 hours, then slowly I had to shorten the space between. Now, it's every 3 hours. She is also on 100 mg Zoloft (Sertraline) once a day for anxiety. I finally figured out what works best for her and you will too. GOOD LUCK!
P.S. Someone mentioned Teepa Snow videos. She's great! I call her the "Dementia Wisperer!" Look her up for great techniques.

My dad`s geriatric psych has him on seroquel and melatonin. Works great.

We have found it’s so important to have a coordinator (PCP) and team you trust and your loved one likes too. A doctor can be the most respected specialist with rave reviews and just not fit for you so if you are uncomfortable with or just don’t understand what you need to to be fully on board with a specialists medication plan don’t just go along with it. I have double checked with Mom’s primary on several occasions when a new doctor is adding something that I’m not sure about and she has picked up on medications interacting from other doctors and questioned it herself.

I am also a fan of balancing natural remedies with western medicine and if you are comfortable with it I would try some of the things suggested below, I would also be upfront with the Primary that you are adding or want to add whatever it is. We are fortunate that all but one of Moms doctors are on the same system and share info automatically, I’m able to access a fair amount of it as well but I have long thought that putting them all in the same building or compound and having them meet periodically as a team would be a great thing for patients.

Trust your instincts, listen to them and search out alternatives or better information when they tell you to do so.

You mentioned tremors. They are a known side effect of olanzapine.

Lorazepam is a miracle drug. My mother has been on it for years. If the Olanzapine wasn't working before, maybe your mom should just be on the lorazepam but a bigger dose. The Olanzapine might be causing her to get worse and develop other conditions. That happens sometimes with these kinds of drugs.
I'm glad you've got a doctor who's progressive about meds like lorazepam. Most of them don't like to give that out anymore (especially to seniors) because the person can become dependent. At 76 does it really matter if mom gets dependent on it if helps her? Definitely go for the lorazepam. It will work wonders.

My mom is 93 and has vascular dementia. We've settled on a combination of namenda and quetiapine during the day and trazadone, melatonin, and hydroxyzine at night. We were using lorazepam, but that started to have the opposite effect, making her more anxious and obsessive. The quetiapine was increased to 3-4 times a day, as needed, and we found that giving her one in the morning, one before sundowners sets in (4-6 p.m.) and one at bedtime seems to work on most days. If she's having a tough day, an extra dose in the afternoon works to calm her down and make her less anxious/obsessive/angry. Meds and dosages are different for each person, so unfortunately it comes down to trial and error. Kudos to you for staying on top of this and seeking out additional help; we all know it's not easy. Sending hugs...

With medications for anxiety it is very important that the type of the Dementia is diagnosed. Some medications are contraindicated for some forms of dementia.

Like many of the other answers say, medication is not an exact science/ trial and error are needed. It is important that, if you are noticing possible side effects or adverse reactions are noted, you communicate that with the doctor. Since you have taken her to the specialist, I would suggest you communicate all of her behavior issues or suspected issues with those medications with this doctor (geriatric psychiatrist). Don't wait for follow up appointment if there is an issue. So if you think the tremor may be from the Olanzepine report it. If the Lorazepam doesn't work (try it first) report that as well. It takes the communication between you and medical professionals to work this out.

Oh, dear. Just as others have indicated: no exact medication works for all dementia patients. It’s all trial and error. You start with trying medications out, increasing if needed. If it makes her behavior worse, seek a different one. Keep trying until you’ve found something that works especially for your mom. During the day, Lorazepam is my mom’s go-to medication but her body can tolerate a lot, so her dosage is high. At night, trazodone and melatonin are the go-to medication. You have to try different anxiety medications to find just the right one. No doctor will give you exactly the right one but will rely on you to monitor what works best for mom. Hang in there. It takes time to find what calms and soothes your mom. Lately, people have been trying CBD oil for calming. It works in some people but not all.

My mother became angry. I asked the doctor to prescribe Zoloft (an older anti-depressant) and she was no longer angry. I know of no side effects, but I am not in the media field. Good Luck.

Number one is check her diet. Many times the problem is in the food she is eating.


Number two is that it is good for her to be outside. Let her walk around a park, take her to the beach. Let her walk, it is great for her health.


Number three is to try herbal alternatives like hemp oil ( if it is legal in your country ). Try chamomile or lavender tea. Try rose oil herbal essence oil.
Before giving anyone any medications check them out on the internet to see if the adverse affects are dangerous. Most of moms were and I quickly took her off of them. You would not believe the difference it makes. Check with her doctor to find out what she taking meds for and talk about alternative medicine. Moms doctor is great with it.


Why not go see a natural path? They have worked wonders when conventional medicine has failed for so many men and women I know.

Did you like the psychiatrist? IF so, they are likely to be more well-versed about drugs with mental health issues and impact on elders, so I'd stick with them ONLY if you feel a good rapport. Otherwise would try and work with primary care/family medicine doc. SO many choices of docs and meds these days. I've never even heard of Olanzapine, but Lorazepam I think has a track record, been around for a while. Be careful if ever taking her off either and do so with an MD's guidance. I would prefer less drugs to more and stick with the old and proven. I'm not sure aside from making her sleep lots how to handle the behavior that...and I mean this ever so kindly because I can imagine easily how you feel....behavior that is more a problem/distraction for YOU. IF you can accept/ignore it (SO much easier said than done) than who cares. She sounds quite healthy. My mother is going on 99 and can easily make you insane. Reminds me of the nurse from a home care agency who came to do an assessment because mom had not showered in a very long time. Mom was up and down the stairs, dusting, etc while then nurse and I chatted and she said "you know what I would do?" and I said "what?" and she said "nothing". I was shocked. "For how long?" I asked. She shrugged her shoulders...she'd seen people go very long spans, years. (for us it's now going on FOUR!--and we did try again) She told me most older people die as a result of a fall. My mother has had some falls, only recently, on carpet, no injuries, and while she refuses an offer of assistance, left alone within minutes manages to get herself up. (Oh and yes, dementia dx here as well) When I think of your situation, I see mom getting adequate exercise and being healthy thus far. Heck, if the med doesn't help mom, I'd take it myself! Except I have a huge problem swallowing even the tiniest capsule. I've mentioned this before, but if you can stand even one or two support group meetings sponsored by the ALzheimer's Assn you might gain some valuable info from other attendees. You don't have to have a diagnosis of Alzheimer's to attend, any dementia. I was very lucky that we had a group for adult children. I would still attend if they had not had their wonderful facillitator understandably resign. She was wonderful. WHen staff or volunteers took over one by one people began to drop out, me among them. But people talk about resources, md's who they've seen, who's nice, who's not....Good luck with it all.

I’m a caregiver and a nurse. You have some great answers.
definitely check on side effects. Lorazepam works wonders for some
CBD oil is great too.
lavender essential oil ( in defuser) camomile tea, and camomile essential oil ( in diffuser) may help with soothing and calming.

PS...I'm guessing you're probably worried about her wandering or getting into mischief if outside...we are very lucky with our home. We have dead-bolted, key only on the doors leading to the garage and outside and front door which are kept locked (with a key nearby god forbid there is an emergency, but hidden). So the only way "out" if she were going to try, for my mother is the sliding patio door and our spacious back yard is fenced as well as padlocked. MY problem is that I cannot have any potted plants or a window box anywhere without MY mother destroying it, trimming it, moving it....she thinks EVERYthing is hers. Frankly, I'd like to stick my mother outside at times and have her out of my space! But I know you need to feel confident that she's safe. ANy chance a daycare program might be of some help? Not for us as it would create massive stress just getting my mother up and dressed and ready. For her as well as for me or my father.

Risperidone really helped to calm my mother who has dementia. She would have episodes where she'd be angry and be awake at night. Also had sundowners and it helped with that. When I asked her doctor for help because we were having such a difficult time, they told me the risperidone would make her "nicer" and they were right. Of course didn't take away all the symptoms but did help to calm her down.

Hydroxazine. A first generation antihistamine. Only thing that helped and is still helping my husband with anxiety confusion etc. All the others only make him worse. Try it. Seriously I’ve experienced so much harm done to my husband by those other psychotropic drugs. I give him a hydroxazine with every carba/leva dose.