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He was put in an assisted living facility when I was admitted with sepsis. I am very divided about bringing him back home.

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The most difficult part of change is taking that first step, I don't see any benefit to back tracking now. In AL you can spend all day every day together if that is what you want yet still have the ability to leave the hard stuff to someone else and go home to restful sleep at night.
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You acknowledge having health issues yourself, it’s the time now when self care becomes more important than ever. What good would you be to him if unable to continue because of your own health worsening? Know your limits that protect your well-being. Your husband can still have your presence and support, you’re still a caregiver no matter what, but it sounds like keeping things as they are is safest for you both. I wish you peace in this
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"I am caring for my husband Michael, who is 81 years old, living at home with age-related decline, depression, hearing loss, incontinence, mobility problems, parkinson's disease, and vision problems."

Those are a lot of issues!

"Retired nurse, loves to garden, read & play simple games on the computer. Recovering from sepsis. Have multiple health issues myself."

Multiple health issues for you? Please make your own health a priority.
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I'm curious how you came to have Sepsis. Was it because you neglected getting attended to when you started feeling ill because you were caring for your husband?

Sepsis can be fatal. Would your husband be better off at home, endangering your life going forward, or better in AL with you as his relatively healthy advocate?
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dschadl Jun 2021
Yes, when I was feeling unwell, I just kept going. Worried because M couldn’t be left alone.
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You are now at the point where you not only have to do what's best for your husband, but also what's best for you. As hard as it may be to leave him where he is, it does sound like it's in both your best interest to do so.
That way he can continue to receive the 24/7 care he needs, and you can work on getting yourself healthy again, and get back to just being his loving wife.
I wish you peace as you go forward in whatever you decide. God bless you.
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How has he done in the AL. You don't mention Dementia and that goes hand in hand with Parkinsons. If he is doing well and you can afford it, keep him there. There comes a time when you just can't care for the other spouse. This is ur chance to take advantage of the situation. May be harder later if u bring him home.

I suggest though, that you see a lawyer about splitting your assets. Medicaid allows this. Husbands split would be spent down and then Medicaid applied for. You become the Community Spouse, remaining in the home and you get 1 car. Part or all of your monthly income will be used for you to live on.
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dschadl Jun 2021
Thank you for the info about the lawyer.
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Questions for you.
Has he adapted well?
How is your health?
Can you SAFELY care for him at home? If so for how long?
If he has adapted well if leaving him in AL is a possibility he may be better off. Although there is the possibility that he may have to transfer to Memory Care at some point.
If you have health problems yourself leaving him in AL might be the best option.
If you can not SAFELY care for him, and by this I mean your safety as well as his, he may be better off in A.L.
Placing someone is AL or MC or SN is not a choice people make easily, it is not a failure. It is recognizing that you are human and can not do it all.
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dschadl Jun 2021
His PCP says M has never looked better, he’s lost weight & seems more alert. Because he’s in the AL.
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