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Hi all. This will be a long post, I'm afraid. So, I have an interesting situation currently. My mother was denied for Medicaid in Mississippi, and I had to move her here (Alabama). Those two months she was here - well, they were horrible. I have young children, one of whom has autism (he did NOT deal well with the stress when she was here and has finally recovered from it). She had a fall getting into bed and we found her on the floor the next morning - didn't hear a thing overnight. Took her to ER, then she was in the regular hospital for a week, then geri-psych for a little over a week. Now, she is in a nursing facility, as she needs skilled care - more than I can provide. It kills me to say that, but it's what needed to happen.


All of that said, now we are trying to apply for Medicaid. The issue is, my dad still lives in MS, and he ALSO has dementia (vascular). My stepbrother had power of attorney over both of them (he is NOT her biological child, I am), but I managed to get POA over my mom only (thank goodness). The issue is that I need everything finance and asset related for my dad, and either stepbro is being difficult, or Dad doesn't remember why he spent money on something, or why he took out a loan. He has completely forgotten those details and we don't have any records. Stepbro says the bank took him off all of the bank accounts and blames ME because I got POA over Mom and says bank won't let him access anything. I don't understand why they'd be denying him access now due to ME getting power of attorney over my mom and not both parents. It's so confusing and sometimes I feel like he's just brushing me off because he doesn't want to deal with it anymore.


It all boils down to - my mom needs Medicaid. Dad got them into a mess financially - lots of debt and now they basically don't have any assets except one car (which neither can drive). There are life insurance policies my dad took out, and my mom is the beneficiary - he took these out and borrowed against them for years. :( Medicaid will declare her ineligible if beneficiary isn't changed.


I am just so worried, because if I can't get all of the information needed related to my dad's affairs, my MOM (once again) will suffer and honestly, I don't know what we'll do. Anyone have a similar situation where you are unable to get spousal info for Medicaid? Any ideas?


I'm sorry for the long post - I hope it sort of made sense. Thanks all. Blessings to all of you dealing with the issues that come with aging parents.

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I also recommend getting an elder law attorney. Find one who is willing to work with you financially, if possible. I've been fortunate that the same family law attorney I used for my divorce and my daughter's conservatorship is primarily an elder law attorney. Check with your state's Bar Association, they will usually give you recommendations and may even give you some pro bono legal advice. Another option (that I haven't personally looked into yet, but need to, also) is your state's aging care agency. From what I understand they can offer a number of free services, counseling and benefits to and for the elderly and their family caregivers. You have my thoughts and prayers - it sounds like so much for one person to do, and that's why you need to avail yourself of all the resources you can get!
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anonymous909347 Aug 2019
Thank you - I appreciate it. I do have an attorney who is excellent - but, they aren't able to do much without more information. I still can't even get access to my mom's bank account, despite submitting POA and a letter from the attorney who prepared it. :( It's insane.
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This is sounding utterly impossible. Your parents assets are "married" just as they are. You are not going to be able to satisfy anyone about anything now, neither the government or the banks. I sure never did have this situation, but at some point there may need to be a legal marital seperation in order to separate assets, because the one thing that must NOT happen is Mom coming back to you and your family. You simply cannot afford to risk your child in this. If you now have financial poa on your Mom what access do you have to any of her assets? Can you write out checks? Because I think you are going to need a lawyer, elder law attorney, and this will be costly, but I don't know that you can get your way out of this mess.
DollyMe has some knowledge of estate management and might have some legal nohow on this; hope any others here will have advice because about the only advice I have is that you get a lawyer. As to the brother, if you two cannot work together for your parents this is going to be a worse mess than a beehive hit with a stick.
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anonymous909347 Aug 2019
Unfortunately, my stepbrother has a lot of animosity towards me, for many reasons, most of which are ridiculous and untrue. :( You are right - it does sound impossible, but I am determined to get through it and get my mom the care she needs. I do have a lawyer, a really good one. It's just getting all of the information related to my dad is a nightmare. Lawyer can't help me until I have most or all of the info. :( Thank you for your answer!
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cydbuch77, some people use an "Elder Law Attorney" to help guide them through the complex maze known as Medicaid. These Attorneys specialize in the field of everything related to elder care, Living Wills, Revocable Trusts, Power of Attorney, Medical Directives, etc.
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anonymous909347 Aug 2019
I do have a very good elder law attorney - the issue is, they need more information before they can really do anything. :( I'm still trying to get access to her bank account (another nightmare).
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