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If I get a disease like ALS, I intend to go with Medical Aid in Dying in a state that does not require residency. I will make the plans well in advance, so there is no question that I was not of sound mind. I won't put myself or my family through a long agonizing death. Just my plan, no one else has to agree.
I wish you had mentioned parents were gone. It changes how people will answer. ALS is a horrible desease. You may have to place your DH eventually because of the care he will need unless you can afford help. I know a woman who cared for her husband with ALS but she was also a trained RN. She also had friends who would come and sit with him while she went to church, church meetings and ran errands.
Freeing suggestions, have no guilt. You need to do what you have to.
Guilt tripping and shaming is also negative . Negative experiences are reflected in a lot of peoples’ names here. This is not a religious site . Your preaching does not belong here .
Well I have bad news. You will never be totally free. Even if all your loved ones were to pass away you will always be haunted by what a sacrifice you made to care for them. Your life will never be the same. Two years later I am selling my house because if all the memories it holds. I need a new start.
OP, if you're still reading I like the idea someone mentioned down thread about moving together to a place that offers a continuum of care; that way it's not a choice between martyrdom and abandonment, he can be looked after and you can still live a somewhat normal life. I know that ALS can progress slowly so you may not need that yet, but having a plan in place now may take some of the pressure off.
While I appreciate your sentiment about God providing, how far are you willing to take that belief? And I ask this as a lifelong, active Christian - how far do we go?
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to work to earn money to feed my family.
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to worry about going to the doctor when I'm sick, or even for routine checkups. I don't need to be take care of my physical, mental or emotional well-being. I don't need to keep on top of my children's regular pediatric care.
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to worry about my children getting an education.
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to worry about finding a place to live, or about heating it in the dead of winter.
We can go on and on.
God is omnipotent; but God also gave us brains to think with, and a community to help us. God gives us the tools and the talents we need to live, but if we choose to NOT take advantage of those tools, then that, in and of itself, is an insult to God.
Waytomisery, If you do not believe in God, I pray you will rethink that decision. God is omnipotent. All of the things you listed and said that God does not do, like laundry, diaper changes, meals, ect…. How do you think they get done? He gives people the health, knowledge, energy, compassion, and ability to do these things for their loved ones.
I had family members who seemed to adore my grandma when she would babysit for them, cook, clean, knit blankets, and drive them places. As soon as she grew older and developed mild dementia, they all were tooooooooi busy to help her at all. I was super busy, but always made the time.to help her, and care for her on weekends to relieve my aunt. It was a gift to me to be able to help her after all she had done for me.
Your last sentence , is why people turn away from organized religion. Religion should be a comfort for people , not a threat that bad things would happen to them if they are too burned out to do the caregiving . As a ( now retired ) nurse . I’ve seen so much guilt , shame and suffering etc put upon people because of statements like yours . If religion has you talking to people like this you can keep it . I’m good questioning some of the rhetoric that is pushed by human’s interpretations . It’s better than living in fear that my life will take a terrible turn .
If it works for you great . But stop shaming and guilt bombing and now upping the anty to fear mongering . I never said I did not believe in God.
For the record . I did a lot of caregiving in my family . Too much in fact too long because of guilt bombs . My caregiving is over for now at least. But I stay on this site to help protect people from the guilt and shame. I come here to tell people it’s ok if they’ve reached their limits.
Ok Lealonnie! I am VERY sorry to hear all you have been through, and it sounds terrible. I too had caregiver burnout, but I will admit that I have not dealt with what you have been through, or anything close to that, so I am sorry for offending you. I just want to help people on here too. I want to tell them to stop the caregiving if the situation calls for that, and to take breaks and keep going if they are able to do so. You clearly have helped a ton of people through the years, and that is wonderful. I will try harder to be more understanding of the super burned out caregivers, but I hope some people on here could try to be more uplifting when it is called for here. I had a totally different experience as a CG. It was so hard at times, but also a blessing to spend the extra time with my precious Dad. I only want to encourage people to do it if they want to do it. I do agree with you that many of the people CG are giving too much for a person that does not appreciate it or care. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving too, and heal from ALL the horrific trauma you have been through. I was never super religious, but I do believe in God, miracles, and in a reason for everything happening to us. Even when we may not know why at the time. I wish the best for you. 🙏
I do see that your parents are deceased . More information about your husband would help . How much caregiving does your husband need right now ? perhaps have some help coming in to the home for the short term, while a placement plan is developed .
Definitely , discuss with your husband the eventual need for him to be placed in a care facility . Perhaps he can start out in assisted living . Again , you haven’t said how much help he needs.
Also see your own doctor as well as a therapist about your depression , insomnia etc, It is ok to say you can’t be a hands on caregiver any longer .
I know the feeling. It sounds like you are at the point of not being able to give anymore caretaking. It is okay. All of us have limits. Some of us continue to push ourselves until it is not physically possible due to our own health issues.
Take some time out for yourself today even if it is no more than making a cup of your favorite tea and enjoying a quiet evening with a good book or a movie that makes you laugh.
I started watching a bunch of cartoonish AI stories done by a young person. They are really entertaining, and they have some good advice to people having real life situations. They are fun to watch and gives me time to decompress from caregiving activities. I work as a home health aide, and sometimes it gets the best of us as well. I had a really tough week, but I survived it.
Take care of yourself and Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate.
Lealonnie! God cannot care for this man when his wife is at the end of her rope? God can do ANYTHING! Telling everyone that they should only care about themselves and ditch their loved ones is not helpful advice.
If I was such a negative force on A.C., I wouldn't have 47,900 helpful votes on my profile.
Try paying attention to what a caregiver is saying sometime, "It is another day of depression & a night of insomnia. I am really not even alive anymore. As the sole caregiver for my elderly parents, both with different forms of dementia, for 8 years, I guiltily almost rejoiced when my job ended and they went in peace. Freedom for me and my life at last! Then, I was shot by a bullet right in between my eyes. Immediately following, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. Needless to say, having already experienced severe caretaking burnout, I know that I cannot do this. I’m done." Then leave your comment. And try not to make it ugly and guilt inducing.
There are organizations that just may be able to help your husband with ALS in some way, and therefore, help you.
One is called Team Gleason, which can be found online. It offers resources and even virtual community gatherings for caregivers. There just may be a whole group of other ALS caregivers you can communicate with online who have been in your shoes and can give you emotional support.
Im sorry about the diagnosis. I can tell you are a caring empathetic person who puts others first. Please put yourself first - every day, first thing. Even if its just saying to yourself (in the mirror if possible) "I love you. You're good." Because you are.
I just read the posts that were sent to you and am truly in shock at most of them. First, I want to congratulate you on caring for your parents for eight years. Your statement that they went in peace is a true credit to you and your love for them. That you could do it shows amazing strength and fortitude. My family is working through that process and it is draining and painful. My sister says "people will do for love what they will not do for money." Sit down and take credit for what you did instead of worrying about your relief when the burden was finished. You did it. You cared!
I am so sad to hear about the blow that has come to you and your husband now. I can hear that you have nothing left to give - on top of the grief of this diagnosis. I don't know what you will be able to do or what you won't be able to do, but you will certainly need resources outside of yourself, so get them, find them and use them. I went through cancer the last few years and my husband and I took all the help that was offered us. I will tell you that I discovered that there was a big, huge God in the Bible that really loved me and that had the power to carry me when I had nothing at all left in me. He also sent me loving people to help. I spent a lot of time praying and will do the same for you.
What exactly is so "shocking" about caregivers telling other caregivers to also take care of THEMSELVES, MaryPrince? God cannot care for this man when his wife is at the end of her rope with hands on caregiving, sorry. I think she needs some realistic and practical advice now, before she winds up dying before her husband.
Is your husband still walking? Can you book the two of you a 3 or 4 week cruise while you are figuring things out? Or can you book a 4 week trip to Florida beaches while you are figuring things out?
Take FMLA time off if you work outside of the home.
My sister and her husband went on an extensive European river boat cruise when he was diagnosed with Glioblastoma.
"It is another day of depression & a night of insomnia. I am really not even alive anymore. As the sole caregiver for my elderly parents, both with different forms of dementia, for 8 years, I guiltily almost rejoiced when my job ended and they went in peace. Freedom for me and my life at last! Then, I was shot by a bullet right in between my eyes. Immediately following, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. Needless to say, having already experienced severe caretaking burnout, I know that I cannot do this. I’m done."
The Parents are deceased.
OP, I have a friend who's husband passed from ALS in 2011. She wasn't able to eat in front of him, bc he couldn't eat and was very upset to see HER eat. She watched him die for 2 years, literally, withering away. To this day, she has still not gotten past the experience. She posts about it continuously on FB. She hasnt had a date since he died. She is alone and likely will be until she herself dies. ALS is not something you should tackle, imo, its too much. Why not place DH in a Skilled Nursing facility and go visit him daily, as his wife instead of his burned out caregiver? Then you won't further harm yourself with this exhausting and excruciating journey, nor will you witness the parts you choose not to witness.
I'm very sorry for you and for your DH that this cruel diagnosis was handed down to both of you. May God bless you and give you strength and peace in your heart to make decisions that take both of your best interests to heart.
Your husband is #1 here. Time to tell your parents they need to find others to help them. If they have money, an Assisted Living or in home care. Medicaid may be able to help them but you no longer can.
You cannot take care of everyone. You know what an ALS diagnosis means and you should be with your husband as much as possible.
For starters, no more caregiving to your elderly parents. They're done receiving your blood, sweat, and tears. You put in eight years and that's enough. Depending on what condition they're in, here are the choices YOU offer them now. Homecare (that they pay for) or a residental care facility. If they choose to be stubborn and refuse either (this happens very often with seniors) leave them to it. Let them fail until a crisis happens then they get no choice because the state puts them into a facility. Your husband is the situation now. If he needs to go into residential care because you can't be the caregiver, then that has to happen. There are some places that are apartment-style living where there's some care staff and you'd be able to live there.
There are care choices out there that don't include you being driven to your grave by caregiving. That's such a loaded word 'caregiving'. Giving to me seems like a gift. I call it what it usually is: care slavery. You are not the only option for your parents or your husband. You matter too and so does your life.
I thought the parents had passed. Wow. This adds another layer if they are still living. I would definitely drop their care and focus on my spouse. ALS is all-encompassing.
Taking care of family for 8 years? Sadly, this was a choice. And you made the choice TO do it and to CONTINUE to do it.
Now your husband has ALS, and I cannot even begin to imagine the horror, the terror, the dread, the needs. Can't even imagine such a thing. Of course you are terrified and overwhelmed.
I have a lot of questions before answering this. What was your marriage like before this happened? How close and loving and bonded were you to this person who is your partner through all of life and I assume even during the time you cared for your parents together? IS THERE LOVE here, or were you already broken when ALS entered the picture with its inevitable devastating implications?
If you have not loved your partner for a long long time, that is one thing for your family to face. If you do love your partner, but cannot face being caregiver at this point in your life, that is another. But essentially what you HAVE told us here is that you cannot do it. And that is not something to tell US, unfortunately--it is something to tell your partner.
Whether there is a whole lot of love here or not, this is the time to sit down and say honestly that you cannot do hands on care. That you simply are not capable of it. That means either divorce or division of assets and care placement. How you handle this end of life care, which is what you are looking at now, and this may be a very slow burning funeral pyre, in terms of visitation and support will/may depend upon how much love there is in this relationship.
It's very difficult to answer a question in which we are given no information. Your very brief note to us says basically that you cannot go on being a caregiver. And honestly, that says it all. If you cannot, then choice isn't involved. It is a matter of saying you cannot do it. No matter how much that hurts all involved, there is simply no way.
I am so sorry. This is a devastating diagnosis, one that would have me running (whilst I could) to Dignitas, or Pegasos, or FEN here in the USA. But that's a personal decision for the one struck by this disease. I am TRULY so very sorry for all involved, and can just feel the truckload of woes you feel crashing down upon you.
People often find themselves roped into becoming involuntary caregivers. They don't choose it. They don't want it. They don't what to do though. On the one hand the family member (usually parents) need care and cannot function independently and no one else is stepping up to help. So it starts out by basically functioning day-to-day and just trying to keep your own head above water while the recipients of your care try to pull you down. People have a heart and even if they had a bad relationship with the parents they still try.
You were a career RN, so you know what the OP's husband is in for with ALS. It's terrible. This person has some hard decisions to make. There is a person on this forum who gave the best and most truthful advice I've ever heard about caregiving.
At some point it's them or you. This is true. I hope the OP chooses herself and walks away from being the parents' care slave.
For context, how old are you and your husband? More information would help us give you the most appropriate guidance regarding resources and strategies.
You have the first difficult part out of the way... Admitting you are done and need help. Next it is figuring out what you can delegate to others that are able to manage care. That could be telling parents that you can no longer help as much. or at all for a while. If they are cognizant I am sure that they would understand, they may not like it. But your priority is your husband. This leads to either they hire help, find an AL facility or MC if they are not cognizant. Now to him... Can you safely manage his care at home? If you need help you get help in to assist you. If you can no longer manage him safely at home then you have the difficult discussion with him that he will have to enter into care. OR you can adapt the house so that it fits his needs. (May help you later so you can age better in the home.) As to getting help. Is he a Veteran? If so the VA has different programs that may help. Caregivers, they in some cases will adapt a home so the Veteran can remain at home. There are Veteran Foster Homes. Private homes/people/families take Veterans and care for them in their home. These are trained, Vetted people that the VA works with. The Veteran does pay to reside in the VA foster Home. It is less than what facility would cost.
but you have done part of "freeing" yourself mentality. Admitting that you can't do it all. many people do not get to this part.
My situation is the reverse. My young husband had brain cancer and now my parents need help. Dad has dementia. I am so sorry. I am already burnt out. I do not know how old you are. Do you have: A disability policy from the workplace, social security disability, any VA benefits such as Aid & Attendant if he served, Medicare if he is over 65. If your husband ever served, get him rated at your local VA. This could help tremendously! If approved he would get around $4000/month and later tax free widow benefits for you. Since you have already endured so much, hire help early. Do not fear eventually placing your husband in a nearby facility either. They are not all terrible! You know what's ahead. My only regret with my late husband, was I waited too long to seek outside help. I am so sorry. This isn't right nor fair.
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Freeing suggestions, have no guilt. You need to do what you have to.
wytomisery & notgoodenough, just your log on names are negative. You are good enough and you can get past the misery.
I wish you both well. ❤️❤️
This is not a religious site . Your preaching does not belong here .
I like the idea someone mentioned down thread about moving together to a place that offers a continuum of care; that way it's not a choice between martyrdom and abandonment, he can be looked after and you can still live a somewhat normal life. I know that ALS can progress slowly so you may not need that yet, but having a plan in place now may take some of the pressure off.
While I appreciate your sentiment about God providing, how far are you willing to take that belief? And I ask this as a lifelong, active Christian - how far do we go?
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to work to earn money to feed my family.
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to worry about going to the doctor when I'm sick, or even for routine checkups. I don't need to be take care of my physical, mental or emotional well-being. I don't need to keep on top of my children's regular pediatric care.
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to worry about my children getting an education.
God will provide; therefore, I don't have to worry about finding a place to live, or about heating it in the dead of winter.
We can go on and on.
God is omnipotent; but God also gave us brains to think with, and a community to help us. God gives us the tools and the talents we need to live, but if we choose to NOT take advantage of those tools, then that, in and of itself, is an insult to God.
Why not use the resources available to lessen the load on a caregiver ?
Wouldn't God have provided these things to mitigate suffering ?
I had family members who seemed to adore my grandma when she would babysit for them, cook, clean, knit blankets, and drive them places. As soon as she grew older and developed mild dementia, they all were tooooooooi busy to help her at all. I was super busy, but always made the time.to help her, and care for her on weekends to relieve my aunt. It was a gift to me to be able to help her after all she had done for me.
Religion should be a comfort for people , not a threat that bad things would happen to them if they are too burned out to do the caregiving .
As a ( now retired ) nurse . I’ve seen so much guilt , shame and suffering etc put upon people because of statements like yours . If religion has you talking to people like this you can keep it . I’m good questioning some of the rhetoric that is pushed by human’s interpretations . It’s better than living in fear that my life will take a terrible turn .
If it works for you great . But stop shaming and guilt bombing and now upping the anty to fear mongering .
I never said I did not believe in God.
For the record . I did a lot of caregiving in my family . Too much in fact too long because of guilt bombs . My caregiving is over for now at least. But I stay on this site to help protect people from the guilt and shame. I come here to tell people it’s ok if they’ve reached their limits.
I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving too, and heal from ALL the horrific trauma you have been through. I was never super religious, but I do believe in God, miracles, and in a reason for everything happening to us. Even when we may not know why at the time. I wish the best for you. 🙏
Definitely , discuss with your husband the eventual need for him to be placed in a care facility . Perhaps he can start out in assisted living . Again , you haven’t said how much help he needs.
Also see your own doctor as well as a therapist about your depression , insomnia etc,
It is ok to say you can’t be a hands on caregiver any longer .
Take some time out for yourself today even if it is no more than making a cup of your favorite tea and enjoying a quiet evening with a good book or a movie that makes you laugh.
I started watching a bunch of cartoonish AI stories done by a young person. They are really entertaining, and they have some good advice to people having real life situations. They are fun to watch and gives me time to decompress from caregiving activities. I work as a home health aide, and sometimes it gets the best of us as well. I had a really tough week, but I survived it.
Take care of yourself and Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate.
We need more information.
What are you done with and what are you doing now?
Gena / Touch Matter
Try paying attention to what a caregiver is saying sometime, "It is another day of depression & a night of insomnia. I am really not even alive anymore. As the sole caregiver for my elderly parents, both with different forms of dementia, for 8 years, I guiltily almost rejoiced when my job ended and they went in peace. Freedom for me and my life at last! Then, I was shot by a bullet right in between my eyes. Immediately following, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. Needless to say, having already experienced severe caretaking burnout, I know that I cannot do this. I’m done." Then leave your comment. And try not to make it ugly and guilt inducing.
Have a nice Thanksgiving.
One is called Team Gleason, which can be found online. It offers resources and even virtual community gatherings for caregivers. There just may be a whole group of other ALS caregivers you can communicate with online who have been in your shoes and can give you emotional support.
Hoping you can find some peace.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/identifying-caregiver-burden-206799.htm?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20251126&mkt_tok=MzA1LVpYWi00NjYAAAGeX7GFVV_Kzc-HRPr25_7Bw76Gi-eDyCzLnW48xs_HwYfyWNI4fL9hKIJ81cmMc0td7q-HG9sNyPMz7YqaM5oNTq5UNsZPdBRID6VCLXiisOc
I just read the posts that were sent to you and am truly in shock at most of them. First, I want to congratulate you on caring for your parents for eight years. Your statement that they went in peace is a true credit to you and your love for them. That you could do it shows amazing strength and fortitude. My family is working through that process and it is draining and painful. My sister says "people will do for love what they will not do for money." Sit down and take credit for what you did instead of worrying about your relief when the burden was finished. You did it. You cared!
I am so sad to hear about the blow that has come to you and your husband now. I can hear that you have nothing left to give - on top of the grief of this diagnosis. I don't know what you will be able to do or what you won't be able to do, but you will certainly need resources outside of yourself, so get them, find them and use them. I went through cancer the last few years and my husband and I took all the help that was offered us. I will tell you that I discovered that there was a big, huge God in the Bible that really loved me and that had the power to carry me when I had nothing at all left in me. He also sent me loving people to help. I spent a lot of time praying and will do the same for you.
Is your husband still walking? Can you book the two of you a 3 or 4 week cruise while you are figuring things out? Or can you book a 4 week trip to Florida beaches while you are figuring things out?
Take FMLA time off if you work outside of the home.
My sister and her husband went on an extensive European river boat cruise when he was diagnosed with Glioblastoma.
"It is another day of depression & a night of insomnia. I am really not even alive anymore. As the sole caregiver for my elderly parents, both with different forms of dementia, for 8 years, I guiltily almost rejoiced when my job ended and they went in peace. Freedom for me and my life at last! Then, I was shot by a bullet right in between my eyes. Immediately following, my husband was diagnosed with ALS. Needless to say, having already experienced severe caretaking burnout, I know that I cannot do this. I’m done."
The Parents are deceased.
OP, I have a friend who's husband passed from ALS in 2011. She wasn't able to eat in front of him, bc he couldn't eat and was very upset to see HER eat. She watched him die for 2 years, literally, withering away. To this day, she has still not gotten past the experience. She posts about it continuously on FB. She hasnt had a date since he died. She is alone and likely will be until she herself dies. ALS is not something you should tackle, imo, its too much. Why not place DH in a Skilled Nursing facility and go visit him daily, as his wife instead of his burned out caregiver? Then you won't further harm yourself with this exhausting and excruciating journey, nor will you witness the parts you choose not to witness.
I'm very sorry for you and for your DH that this cruel diagnosis was handed down to both of you. May God bless you and give you strength and peace in your heart to make decisions that take both of your best interests to heart.
You cannot take care of everyone. You know what an ALS diagnosis means and you should be with your husband as much as possible.
There are care choices out there that don't include you being driven to your grave by caregiving. That's such a loaded word 'caregiving'. Giving to me seems like a gift. I call it what it usually is: care slavery. You are not the only option for your parents or your husband. You matter too and so does your life.
Sadly, this was a choice. And you made the choice TO do it and to CONTINUE to do it.
Now your husband has ALS, and I cannot even begin to imagine the horror, the terror, the dread, the needs. Can't even imagine such a thing. Of course you are terrified and overwhelmed.
I have a lot of questions before answering this.
What was your marriage like before this happened?
How close and loving and bonded were you to this person who is your partner through all of life and I assume even during the time you cared for your parents together?
IS THERE LOVE here, or were you already broken when ALS entered the picture with its inevitable devastating implications?
If you have not loved your partner for a long long time, that is one thing for your family to face.
If you do love your partner, but cannot face being caregiver at this point in your life, that is another.
But essentially what you HAVE told us here is that you cannot do it. And that is not something to tell US, unfortunately--it is something to tell your partner.
Whether there is a whole lot of love here or not, this is the time to sit down and say honestly that you cannot do hands on care. That you simply are not capable of it.
That means either divorce or division of assets and care placement.
How you handle this end of life care, which is what you are looking at now, and this may be a very slow burning funeral pyre, in terms of visitation and support will/may depend upon how much love there is in this relationship.
It's very difficult to answer a question in which we are given no information. Your very brief note to us says basically that you cannot go on being a caregiver. And honestly, that says it all. If you cannot, then choice isn't involved. It is a matter of saying you cannot do it. No matter how much that hurts all involved, there is simply no way.
I am so sorry. This is a devastating diagnosis, one that would have me running (whilst I could) to Dignitas, or Pegasos, or FEN here in the USA. But that's a personal decision for the one struck by this disease. I am TRULY so very sorry for all involved, and can just feel the truckload of woes you feel crashing down upon you.
People often find themselves roped into becoming involuntary caregivers. They don't choose it. They don't want it. They don't what to do though. On the one hand the family member (usually parents) need care and cannot function independently and no one else is stepping up to help. So it starts out by basically functioning day-to-day and just trying to keep your own head above water while the recipients of your care try to pull you down. People have a heart and even if they had a bad relationship with the parents they still try.
You were a career RN, so you know what the OP's husband is in for with ALS. It's terrible. This person has some hard decisions to make. There is a person on this forum who gave the best and most truthful advice I've ever heard about caregiving.
At some point it's them or you. This is true. I hope the OP chooses herself and walks away from being the parents' care slave.
Admitting you are done and need help.
Next it is figuring out what you can delegate to others that are able to manage care.
That could be telling parents that you can no longer help as much. or at all for a while. If they are cognizant I am sure that they would understand, they may not like it. But your priority is your husband.
This leads to either they hire help, find an AL facility or MC if they are not cognizant.
Now to him...
Can you safely manage his care at home?
If you need help you get help in to assist you.
If you can no longer manage him safely at home then you have the difficult discussion with him that he will have to enter into care. OR you can adapt the house so that it fits his needs. (May help you later so you can age better in the home.)
As to getting help.
Is he a Veteran? If so the VA has different programs that may help. Caregivers, they in some cases will adapt a home so the Veteran can remain at home.
There are Veteran Foster Homes. Private homes/people/families take Veterans and care for them in their home. These are trained, Vetted people that the VA works with. The Veteran does pay to reside in the VA foster Home. It is less than what facility would cost.
but you have done part of "freeing" yourself mentality. Admitting that you can't do it all. many people do not get to this part.
A disability policy from the workplace, social security disability, any VA benefits such as Aid & Attendant if he served, Medicare if he is over 65. If your husband ever served, get him rated at your local VA. This could help tremendously! If approved he would get around $4000/month and later tax free widow benefits for you. Since you have already endured so much, hire help early. Do not fear eventually placing your husband in a nearby facility either. They are not all terrible! You know what's ahead. My only regret with my late husband, was I waited too long to seek outside help. I am so sorry. This isn't right nor fair.