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Listen I know this is a horrid thought and you have all probably agonised long and hard before putting your loved one into care but I just wanted you to know what I know from my many many visits to care homes (and phone calls I have made when not happy with what I have seen).

Even when your care home choice is seen to be one of the best it only takes one evil carer to make a person's life a misery. In one care home the children were totally unaware of the abuse until their mother screamed when one particular carer got near her. Eventually they checked their mum over for signs of abuse and nothing no marks, scratches or bruises until they looked under her arms which in people with severely restricted mobility is really hard to do. One carer while apparently 'helping' their mother to stand was in actual fact pinching the delicate underarm skin so hard she was bruised really badly from it. Of course their mother stood or tried to she was in agony from this evil witch who incidentally has been dealt with through the courts.
So please do conduct spot checks to make sure your Mum's care is everything you expect it to be.....and people wonder why a) I wont put my mum in care and b) I want to be able to choose when I die!

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Not all homes for seniors are bad. I worked in a long term care facility for 10 years. The seniors were always treated with respect and not once had I ever heard a resident have any type of complaint about abuse. I'm sure there are homes for seniors that have a staff member that is like that, and that is when that staff person should be fired. No senior person deserves to be treated in that way. My mom is not in a home, but lives in her own home. Her abuse is from a son that had her change her will to leave him everything. He has been mean to mom for years. Almost physical abuse (did not punch her, but has threatened to do that to her.) Other sibling and his wife doing it also. He has done this for years but mom is to scared to do anything about him, other sibling or sister in law. POLICE ARE BELEIVING THEM. My mom is in a bad position with them around her. These people should be made to be put on a lie detector test. I don't understand why this isn't a head story in newspapers. This needs to be addressed more in the publics eye. More people need to know this is happening more and more every day to the elderly. It is happening all over the place.
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Contact the Office of Regulatory Services (ORS), Personal Care Home Section or your local Area Agency on Aging (Triple A) for lists of p. ersonal care homes. Your local community ombudsman can help you with this. If you want and I definitely would you can check audit histories of some nursing homes http://www.medicare.gov/nursinghomecompare/search.html?AspxAutoDetectCookieSupport=1 will give you audit reports for your location you can drill down there too to see what the audit report says it found - I do hope this helps. Do still be mindful that audit reports dont show everything
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I think that attitudes at a nursing home are influenced from the top down. If profit is the only consideration then care has to suffer. If the staff is treated poorly and their concerns are disregarded then they will take it out on the residents, even if only subconsciously. Staff with a good heart can become jaded when their extra efforts are not rewarded, in fact they are often taking up the slack for less caring and efficient employees. It's kinda like buying a house, don't be fooled by the granite counter tops and spa bathroom when there are termites in the basement!
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The home where my mom is is trying to kick her out because i complain about her being dirty and them not taking her to bathroom letting her sit in hall after giving her sleeping pill.They said if i complain she have to leave i dont know what to do im so upset.These are some cruel people.
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These stories are horrible but I am still convinced that there are good nursing homes out there. My Mom is in a wonderful place where she is treated very well.

Anyone out there who is considering putting their loved one in a nursing home because they are just not able to care for them on their own should not be afraid to do it because of some isolated cases of abuse. There are good ones out there.
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A couple of friends of mine used to work in a home with seniors. They were married and worked at the same place.They used to tell me some of the horror stories that went on where they worked. Things like the aides stealing the patients medications and meals. Times when they were supposed to be handing out meds and they were taking a break instead.The way they mistreated the patients when they wanted to change the bedding.There were so many things that went wrong that they finally decided to retire. They had both reached the age of retirement and simply had had enough and quit. Some of their stories could make you sick to your stomach. They were relieved to get out of there.
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When you KNOW that abuse is happening you have a moral ethical and in some places a legal duty to report it to the relevant agency. legal because if you KNOW and do nothing then you are complicit in its continuance. Google reporting abuse of the elderly and add you location after that - you will get a tel number to ring and PLEASE ring it today
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We live in virginia and my moms in a nursing home she has dementiashe has fallen 3 times they are not taking her to the bathroom they gave her an overdose of medication I can't find another nursing home in the area she only has medcaid i stay with her as much i can im afraid to leave her with them
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The one in charge of my mom now IS the one that is the abuser. Influenced her to change her will to get me out of the way. He puts fear into mom and she won't tell anyone, not even the police. This sibling, the other sibling and his wife are all acting like loving caring children, but when the police have left that is when they go at mom yelling and screaming at her. I have told police, mental health people and her doctor. They all believe these criminals, and that is what they are. Mom calls me crying saying they get right into her face. The sibling in charge of my mom has new girlfriend of 6 months. Mom has told me this girl, as mom calls her, sits there with her arms crossed and smiles while the siblings and sister in law yell at her. This girlfriend and sister in law should not be allowed in my mom's house. They are not blood related or marked in as a caregiver to mom. Girlfriend only around mom for 6 months of knowing her and sister in law has never had anything to do with mom all these years, only until my big brother died. Why the police are not checking these things out. The siblings are trying to get mom to not give us back our things that are in mom's house. I hope to god that some day soon I can get them recorded on the phone doing this to mom. If I were you I would record any conversations that can prove they are doing that to the parent. Make sure to put down date and time for everything. I'm in Canada and it seems like this is happening all over the place. This very serious issue needs to be brought out in the publics eyes. I'm sure a lot more people would come forward about abuse towards an elderly parent from siblings or anyone else doing this to them.
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I agree. It never hurts to check for bruising, skin tears or other marks including reddened skin. You can always say you are checking for dry skin or how well the lotion is working. You can tell them why you are checking, but this may make them fearful because they may be afraid of retaliation. It is correct that one bad caregiver is all it takes and people get really creative with abuse. I would hate to think that she was in pain and the staff didn't realize it or didn't care.
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My Mom has fallen twice since being in the nursing home. Shes been there a year. Her version of how it happened changed every time I asked but both times I received a phone call from the home telling me about it. They even went so far as to measure her bruises and so on. I guess they need to cover their asses in case of lawsuits etc.

But my Mom still has some of her faculties and has periodically told me that they don't bring her meals when I know for a fact they do so I imagine she would tell me if they were harming her in any way.
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Lol Pam they do revert to childlike behaviour dont they? I wanted to put the seat belt on my mum when she was in the wheeelchair and she played up a treat told everyone I tied her up. Soooo tempted not to use it and let her bounce out of the chair as i was taking it over some terrible bumpy paving and see if she preferred that! GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Mothers! actually not mothers but bl%%^$ Alzheimer's
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cwilllie, mom has been to the ER SEVEN times in a year for falls. Even after we took her cane away and gave her the walker! The ALF residents went to the Mall and Mom tried to get on an escalator with the walker despite the chaperone yelling NO NO NO. So now she is banned from bus trips at the family's request. She's acting like we sent her to Solitary!
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Pam: couldnt agree more and the skin of the elderly is so fragile even the smallest bruise can look horrendous. However it is pretty hard to get bruises right up by the armpit especially ones that never seem to get any lighter in colour. Usually when skin delicate it will tear but not when it is pinched like this vile carer was doing. The trouble is when you watched her you would think she was an angel she 'seemed' so caring, one hand holding the persons hand while the other pinched and pinched hard
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Mental abuse is a really hard one to prove without cctv. However, there maybe loopholes regarding cctv and that is if you are using them to monitor what she does that causes her to fall/scream throwing something acrois the room/fit etc. It's really important to know what happened just before the incident and if you aren't there ALL the time then it would be reasonable to use it for that purpose....perhaps ...it's worth checking it out. When you say mental abuse what do you mean by it? there are a myriad of forms of mental abuse I am just wondering whether he hides things from her, shouts and swears at her, doesn't speak to her, puts everything just out of her reach and doesn't get them when she asks for them or whether he derides her or makes fun of her. if you can prove he is abusing her then you have the recourse to report him to the authorities in the USA thie number you need to call is to be found on this page - I think there is a different one for each state. In my humble opinion talking to said brother wont do a stitch of good and could exacerbate the problem. http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/Stop_Abuse/Get_Help/State/index.aspx
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You are right pam, and we shouldn't go off about every bruise or complaint, but it doesn't hurt to be vigilant. If there is a continuing pattern of bruises or other issues where things just don't seem right we need to take it seriously and start looking for the reasons. I had a home care worker that I just never felt right about. One day after I came home from my day away I was greeted with the news mom had fallen. I understand this happens, but this was the second time in a month and her explanation of the circumstances was puzzling. Of course mom didn't remember anything. I don't know if it was happenstance or incompetence, but I called her supervisor and arranged for a new aide.
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Mom tripped and cousin Jimmy grabbed her arm to keep her from falling. You could clearly see his handprint-bruise! She had another nasty mark huge bruise another time where she pinched her arm in her recliner. It's not easy to differentiate abuse without a nanny cam with audio-video.
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I don't think people take mental abuse seriously. It might have been about a year ago that I posted in this forum asking a similar question about an aging relative that I think is being mentally abused by a family member. I seem to remember the general response I got was basically that I should just mind my own business.
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What do you do when an elder parent is still in their home but being taken advantage of by her sons. The son in charge now is the one that is not causing physical abuse to mom, but has been causing mental abuse to her for years.
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Also, at home, I found bruises on her shins. She said my mom's legs gave out and slid into the bed when they were lifting her onto the commode. I said, "For god sakes, use the Hoyer Lift! Why do I see more than one bruise?"
On several occasions, three different caregivers told me this other caregiver said to my mom, "I'm the boss here when your daughter's not here. You're not even decisional!" They were so disturbed by her talk that they 'tattled' on her to me.
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Yes, I would. Put nanny cams in. Some states consider it legal. My mother is at home and I hired at-home caregivers. Most of them have other jobs in the nursing home. I have heard nightmare stories from them! I have a caregiver that wasn't as patient with my mom as the others. So, I put in nanny cams. If they can do things right under my nose, I shudder to think what she'd do if I was not living on the floor below.
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I totally agree! I just heard that the nursing home in my small town had an issue with a nurse. She was putting hot sauce on the tongue of dementia patients. My mom has been to this particular nursing home for therapy, but thankfully she does not have dementia. However, that does NOT stop abuse from happening. While at a different home for therapy, she was denied chest x rays for pneumonia, stool labs for c diff ( she was an active patient with infectious disease and GI clinics. ID was sending orders for labs and the home was ignoring them saying she didn't need it done! The last straw was when she was given an antibiotic that she had developed a reaction to. It was in her chart. I was told the chart was not read! I called the abuse hotline, not sure what good it did. This place apparently has been reported more times. They don't do anything about it! She will never go back there again. Hopefully she never has to be a full time resident of any such facility.
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