Cat bites: Would love some feedback on this issue.

How about gloves on your mom, to protect her hands.

Don’t take away her life-long friend. They’ve been friends for a long time.

I am a real animal lover, and I would certainly mourn my cat being taken from me. However, in the case of a cat that is causing actual physical damage and infection, it is no longer safe. Animal (and human) bites can be very dangerous, leading the resistant bacteria, sepsis, and even death.

Not everything can be fixed. Not everything can proceed without mourning.

I would rehome this animal where it can be loved and cared for by someone with capacity. I would get a gentle cat to replace it for my mother.

This is an individual decision you must make, knowing all that is involved. Our elders are fragile and frail and without the ability to heal as once they did.

I am so sorry.

We had a similar issue: my then 103-yr old Aunt had to be taken to the ER by ambulance because she developed sepsis from her cat's bite on her leg in a spot we didn't see and she never told us about. She had to be hospitalized and she developed neurological symptoms. It took over a month for her to return to "normal". But she will not give up the cat and we're not going to make her because at her age she has few things that give her happiness. We are just resigned to watching out for symptoms. We do make her wear zip-up compression socks as a precaution.

How old is the cat? Animals can get dementia. My 16-yr old dog had it. Their behaviors change, too.

If it's just the comfort of having a cat to hold maybe re-homing this one and substituting one that has a better temperament would be possible. But the fact she doesn't remember even after suffering the consequences several times makes me question her cognitive ability and whether she can be trusted to care for any pet properly.

Don’t take her cat. That will break her heart.

I have to say it again, like others:
don’t take away the cat!

Your mom is 93. The goal isn’t to live as long as possible. Your mom loves her cat. The cat loves her. How many people have that in their lives? Very, very few.

Her cat has been loyal to her for years.

“That will break her heart.”

Both cat’s heart and mom’s heart. OP, do you really want to break TWO hearts?

And by the way OP, your heart will be broken by breaking their hearts. So that’s THREE broken hearts.

And then all of us on the forum will also have broken hearts. That’s like 1,500 broken hearts.

Do you really want that?
:)

If you haven’t already, please take the cat for a vet checkup. Cats, like people, can get grouchy when they are in pain. Also Kitty Cupcake needs to be current on shots, esp rabies. The vet might also have suggestions.

My mom’s cat is skin sensitive, plus has old man pain in his hips and back feet. I worked on it daily with him. He is still a bit twitchy, but no longer so reactive. He tolerates petting, and when it’s too much, stops himself from chomping down.

Cats are prey-driven animals, so perhaps her cat needs more daily interactive play away from hands (for example, I avoid nose boops or finger chase, which associates fingers with biting.) I throw one or two of his toys he likes to kick and bite and make a big deal out of what a gooooood boy he is. If he gets excited and goes for my hand when I pick up a toy, I calmly say “no hand,” distract him in another direction, then toss a toy. In the beginning, he got a small treat, but now 5 min a day and no treat other my admiration of his awesomeness does it. I don’t punish, always praise when he’s done it correctly. I’ve found saying “no” 100% fails, but saying “no” and immediately redirecting to something acceptable to me that he likes works. No hands, here’s your toy, what a good boy.

I did play time only for awhile, before I touched him anywhere other than his head. I wanted him to associate me with nice things before working on the stuff potentially painful to either of us.

If you don’t have the time, patience or consistency (no judgement from me because not everyone does), you might see if there’s a trainer, nearby vet tech on the side, or pet sitter who can come out for awhile. Our cat was senior when I started working with him. Right now, he’s stretched out against me, enjoying pets on his floofy tummy, whereas before I would have been bloody.

I took my mom’s cat and dog for care reasons, but I was wrong. The animals were the only things left that Mom truly cared about and for and the only ones who loved her just for her. All the people around her were paid to be, and she was alone.

Also someone mentioned trusting her to care for the cat, you might need to watch over the care or get an automatic feeder, auto water-er and maybe auto-litter box that you (or someone) can monitor.

Finally I don’t have have this, but some in-home security cameras have pet detection and there are pet cameras. Maybe you could be high tech and monitor for kitty and see what your mom is doing when he bites her, then you’d know more what prompted the bite if otherwise the cat is good.

Just like when a human acts up and can’t tell why, I start with the basics first: physical and mental health, stimulation levels (too high or low), appropriate socialization, &c.

Hope any of this is helpful. Thank you for caring about the situation and trying to see if there are any good solutions for both human and cat.

My concern is the cat bites. And if scratched she can get "cat fever" which is bad. I understand not taking the cat away. Maybe take it to the vet for a good check up.. I had a cat we had to give anxiety meds to.

Latex gloves, some people are allergic to them. Me, I feel like my hands are always wet. Not sure if they would glide over fur. There is a glove made to groom the cat while u pet it.

Be very careful about cat bites. Cats can carry dangerous organisms in their mouths. My mother ended up in the hospital three different times with bites from different cats, despite immediate treatment and going to the doctor the next day for antibiotics. She became very ill and had to have stronger drugs by IV. This was back when she was younger and stronger, today she probably wouldn't survive a bad infection.

If it were me at 93, that would be my wish to my concerned adult daughter:

Don’t take away my cat. Don’t take away my friend. I’ve had a long life. I’ll die eventually of something anyway. Let me have my friend.

Here is a something pretty simple to try. CBD oil in the cats water/food. If you think the cat is in pain it is worth a try to put a couple of drops daily. This is not in place of taking Kitty to the vet of course.

I gave it to DH aunts dog (in water) to help him with hip pain. I also gave it to aunt and truly believe it helped with her self inflicted skin picking. I know it helped me with pain. The good thing about CBD oil is that you don’t take it and wait a month to see if it helps.
It helps within a short while if it is going to help the problem being treated ( this was my experience). I had piriformis muscle pain it seemed to eliminate but didn’t help my intermittent mid back pain as an example.

I would never take her pet from her. I think that would be cruel.

Personally, touchy topic, I would remove the cat and give her a baby doll and a plushy cat.

I mean, this is me a stranger in the internet. You know her better than I do, but I am concerned that the cat is in pain and or your mom is just aggravating the cat.

DH’s grandpa did this to his toy poodle (old poodle) when he was in his 90s. He just started aggravating the dog when the dog was very clearly giving signals to back off. The dog would bite and GFIL’s skin would bleed profusely and was covered with scratches. Covered in scratches.

It turns out the dog was dying and probably in pain and we had to put him down.

I once had a cat who suffered from anxiety. This caused various behavior problems, although biting wasn’t one of them. I used Feliway, a spray applied to various places in the house. It supposedly helped, but what really helped was Prozac prescribed by the vet. Grab cat by scruff of neck, pull until mouth comes open, drop in pill, cat swallows.

The cat is not the problem, mom is. The cat is still the same cat with the same wants, needs, likes and dislikes.

The only difference is now mom cannot remember that the cat does not like to be touched anywhere but on the top of it's head.

No vet appointments or medications are going to change the cat.

Animals, just like people have certain likes and dislikes. Humans should be respectful of this and if moms dementia is progressing the cat should be removed from moms care.

Sad for mom but overall better for both mom and cat. Hopefully a caring family member can take the cat in. Maybe they can bring the cat for supervised visits too.

Good suggestions here. I've had cats almost all of my 86 years, and I would be a CaTvocate for that reason. (We're down to one shy senior girl now but have usually had at least 2, if not 3, cats in the past.) Your mom's cat is probably a senior, too, and it's not always easy for senior kitties to find new homes, although it is possible. We have adopted several over the years.

I'd recommend a vet visit for kitty if there hasn't been one. There may be medical or dental health problems that need treatment. I would describe your mom's home situation to the vet and ask for advice. Low dose Prozac could be helpful, as could gabapentin if kitty tolerates it (it can cause diarrhea in some cats). I've never tried CBD oil for cats. As others have mentioned, Feliway may help. Biting behavior also can be addressed by training. It seems unlikely that your mom will remember to wear gloves, but it may be worth a try.

I would explore ALL possibilities before you consider rehoming your mom's cat. They are truly attached, and separation would be SO difficult for your mom and for her cat. If your mom remains in actual danger from bites/infections despite remediation efforts, there might be a compromise situation if it can be done and is absolutely necessary. Could a relative or neighbor who lives reasonably close possibly take the cat in and bring kitty to see your mom regularly?

Mom is 93. Something will go amiss probably in the not-too-distant future. I vote to allow her to keep her companion kitty if there is any way at all to do so.

Consider a robotic cat since she enjoys having the cat sit on her lap and sleeping with it. You can google robotic cat and they come in all price ranges.

Here is a link to one that is available through the Alzheimer Store.

https://www.alzstore.com/metacat-smart-robot-cat-interactive-companion-pet-p/0600.htm

Perhaps after using a robotic cat for a while, she could adjust to her pet being given away at some point.

OP, I hope your mom’s happily continuing to enjoy her cat’s company. Remember, at 93 she’ll eventually die of something. But let her keep her friend till the end.

That cat probably saved your mom’s life many times. Times your mom was sad, depressed…but that cat was always by her side.

Cat bites are very dangerous for anyone! Their mouth is full of bacteria. If you can consider getting a more tolerable cat, or as suggested a robotic cat.

My mil contracted cat scratch fever from cat saliva when being on chemo for non hodgkins. She had to go to icu. The dog went to a family friend and the cat to boarding for a month. Then she got the cat back knowing the risks to her life.

My preference would be just to ask your mother.

On one side, scratches and infections from open wounds, much the less a cat, are a serious problem for seniors. Because the skin is so thin, this makes it just so worrisome.

On the other hand, your Mom might be dependent upon this cat to give her the assurance of presence. It is also very soothing to stroke an animal.

A side issue is that the cat might actually be developing more of a hostile attitude toward her and therefore, less tolerant as the cat gets older. A cat like that might not be able to be re-homed.

Do you have someone who would be willing to give the cat a new home? If so, maybe that is the right option....your Mom would see that the cat is going to another person who would love it and be more willing to give it up. Then you would have 2 options: 1) be without a pet or 2) get another cat/dog that is more tolerant to your Mom's behavior, however will provide the companionship that is aligned with her desires. I'm thinking that you could go to the Humane Society or a no-kill shelter and find a nice mellow older cat for your Mom.

My Mom's MC facility brings in dogs for pet therapy twice a week. My Mom really looks forward to these visits.

Same with my mom. And please don’t bother with judgment, accusations, and why-didn’t-yous. I am stating facts and what became the best outcome for my mom. She lives alone about 30 miles from me. For companionship she took in a feral kitten when she was 90 and named him Tony. Tony was wild and just was never going to be the snuggle bug she hoped for. He bit her relentlessly on her legs, ankles, and hands. She was constantly covered in bandages. (Her doctor shook his head and said the cat needs to go.) Tony was not a happy cat. He snarled and hissed if you even looked at him. He would not have been a good pet for anyone. Mom had had him declawed, so there was no giving him to a farmer to be a barn cat. She put up with mean Tony for 2 years then got tired of it and asked me to take Tony to a shelter. I knew there would be no passing the “10 days without biting” test, and I would be dooming him to guaranteed euthanasia. So mom suggested I take him away and put him out of the car in a field somewhere. I was horrified and said absolutely NOT.
Then - mom fell and broke her arm and spent some time in the hospital. She knew there was no way she could deal with Tony with her arm in a sling. Her cat, her decision: she asked the vet to go to her house and put Tony down just before she got home from the hospital. I buried Tony wrapped in a blanket with his favorite fish toy outside her kitchen window near a flower bed. I made a little monument with rocks to mark the spot. Mom’s anxiety went down exponentially with both her and Tony at peace. She took responsibility for him, by writing his life story and ending it humanely with full knowledge of what happened to him. She talks to him out the window every morning. This was one of those tough situations that on the surface seemed to be a lose/lose; but mom took charge and made it a positive for herself. I personally am an animal lover so don’t think I didn’t cry my eyes out putting that little guy down into the ground. But it was what mom and Tony both needed to be at peace.

Every one's got an opinion. Here's mine; Taking the cat away now would cause more stress than it's worth to your Mother and the cat.
Ask a vet if there is any type of sedative you can give the cat, or take it in for a vet inspection. The cat may be arthritic & pats hurt. He may be picking up on stress from your Mother & lashing out. She may be heavier handed than she realises... A particular herb oil for animals may help. Remind your Mother not to pet the cats' body & see how they go. The cat loves her, otherwise there'd be no sitting on laps, but there is pain here.

Color2023: My DH suffered horrific cat bites while I was living out of state caring for my mother. He contracted and was hospitalized x2 with a bad case of cellulitis. Not a fun time for sure.

If your mother can’t remember that the cat bites, is there a chance that she wouldn’t notice if you quietly replaced it with a nicer one that looked much the same?