How to keep from going crazy while caring for your mother & not having a life?

Call Medicaid and ask if they cover adult daycares in your area and surrounding area. At adult daycares, they do have nurses and other health care professionals to give medicines and injections. I take my grandpa who has dementia to adult daycare. His medicaid pays for all his daycare expenses. I bring his medicine with him and they give it during his lunch.

I'm new to this site also and am caring for my 77 year old husband who probably should be in a nursing home. I am also doing it alone. His children won't help and mine do not live near us. I do in home dialysis for 14 hours a day. (12 hours every night & one manual treatment mid-day). He has multiple other health issues and doesn't want me out of the room with him. I am 65 and have been in and out of hospitals with him since 2005. Dialysis for last 2+ years. I have a strong faith in God and am an avid student of His Word. That has kept me same! This last week was extreme demanding. I felt like I could not go on. So I went to God and dedicated 3 days of fasting & prayer. I don't recommend this for someone who isn't used to it! But it was time for me to spend every second I could alone with God ~ it's been like a spiritual "honeymoon" :) After reading all the comments today, I want each of you to know that I am including you in this time of dedication to the Lord. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans for good, to give you hope and a future. I'm praying for each of you to have a new supernatural refreshing from the Lord. There is another promise in the Word of God I have found comfort in. It's also been part of my prayer: Corinthians 10:13 The temptations/trials in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation/trial to be more than you can stand. HE will show you a way out so that you can endure. New Living Testament

My husband and I came out to Kansas from CA to take care of his 91 year Mom. At first she stated it was our house too. We left everything in storage costing us $450 per month. His sister that lives around the corner refused stating the mother and her would drive each other crazy. I really never gave that much thought. I have rearranged, cleaned out closets, hired people to move furniture from the basement (where she prefers to be) since she broke her hip in January. She had one hip replaced. She refuses to use the walker, physical therapy had to dismiss her as a patient as she refused to use the walker or any aids, refuses the doctors recommendations because "she knows her body best". She says she can hold on to furniture or whatever to get around. She and her daughter calls me the maid and cook. Now they say I am not trustworthy, sneaky and sway my husband. We pay for the groceries, paid for a bathroom remodel because of the condition of the house, bought some aids to help her get around and a few pieces of furniture. The sister who has full power of attorney says no more painting and no new flooring (which is falling apart and rippling). The sister says when her mother dies and the house is sold, she will offer a flooring allowance. Her home is beautiful, but find it OK for us to live this way. She is a psych nurse and works one day a week. She has never worked the floor and is extremely unaware of current strategies or even certain diseases. I keep track of blood pressre and pulse. She feels a resting heart beat of 98 is acceptable because it goes up as you get older. What? She herself is diabetic insisting that is why she is fat. I have yet to see her. Take her sugar levels and always has seconds at meals, along with dessert! Why is she fat She insists her mother can do anything she wants including getting into a bathtub shower and going downstairs as she pleases. I feel it is a suicide mission. Am I wrong for giving them notice that we are leaving (due to being non-compliant and now saying she wants everything out of her house that we bought, saying my husbands brain is fried because he snuck drinks as a teenager, he lies and she is no longer his son also because he steals from her. We have spent over $20K in costs. I also lost my car to an accident coming out here (not my fault, but totaled my car) I lost a total of $6K on my car. We had great medical insurance in CA and our prescriptions were about $100 per month. It is now costing about $600 because of our change in insurance. Please help! Are we wrong to move?????

Loonie, you are most certainly not wrong to give notice and move. The rehab had to dismiss MIL because she is non-compliant and it a waste of time to keep trying PT. She is non-compliant with your assistance and you should resign from the responsibility. It is a waste of your resources to do otherwise.

My mother is approaching 103. She is not demented, but has had a stroke and most often cannot remember anyone's name. She frequently calls me Momma when she's stressed or wakes up at night. She sees her deceased family members at night and often thinks that someone is sleeping in her bed. In addition tothat she has night terrors. These have been almost every night since she took a flouraquinoline antibiotic 3 weeks ago.
I run 3 businesses from home and they are struggling due to the economy and my absence. Lately I get less than 6 hours nightly sleep due to the night terrors. I work 1 day a week doing psychic readings at my center for my own financial support. I am a 67 year old only child whose children are not very involved at all. The day that I work my grand-daughter-in law comes in for 4 hours. My mother awakens mid afternoon after a nap on the couch and thinks that everybody has been out all night long and its morning - there's much more. Fortunately after her last 3 hospitalizations, the kidney infection has cleared and she's mostly in her right mind, but I'm going crazy. I am married, but my husband is working at the businesses and helping his son remodel a house. I'm feeling very alone in this one. Fortunately Mother is lucid and on in the mornings and early afternoons. She is my companion as I am hers.

My Mom is 80 years old and she has dementia and other mental illness. She is driving me to the point were I am very sharp with her. I scream at her and lose my cool. It gets to be a bit to much. I have been taking care of her for the past five years. I don't know how I am doing it.. She takes a lot of medicine, so I am constantly making sure that all her meds are all in order. I help with her bath, meals so on and so on.. I love my mom but I am losing myself.. God the space is not big enough for all my feelings. Is their a group I could vent with..HELP

Maybe you should look at the meds she is taking and see just what the side effects may be. It's likely that something, or several things are making her less than sane. Is she on statin drugs, check out this web site scientificamerican/article/its-not-dementia-its-your-heart-medication/ It tells a horror story about memory loss by a 60 something year old man. There are other drugs as well. Be careful about taking her off them though, because withdrawals can be dangerous. Go online and check out EVERY drug she is taking. You may both regain some of your sanity.

samedna02, I too feel your pain and I am in the same situation that you are in. My Mom has lived with me and my husband for the past 4 years. He dementia/alzh gets worse every day, her health stays the same and she takes NO meds, but I too, am losing myself. I don't even know how to act when I get out in public or among people to carry on a conversation, sad isn't it. I do have a bit of help for you though. I found a group called Dementia Caregivers Support Group. on Facebook. Everyone vents and says a prayer and tell of their situations and asks questions about how to do things, and even gives a hug. It is so comforting and really helps a lot when you are down and out and no place to turn to to vent or get advice. Try this. It has helped me a lot........... Wishing you well!

Thank you so much, my husband supports me in everyway possible. It's not the same though, I sometimes feel like he is judging me at times. I don't think no one really understand how hard it is to see your mom and or dad decline in health from dementia /alzh. I will try the support group It could only help.

Everyone's situation is different, but one thing is the same: caring for an elderly person is maddening. My mother's memory is such that she will be given food - the best I can make (wholesome and nutritious) and eat it and then a short while later claim that she hasn't eaten. If I go to lay down or do anything that doesn't happen in HER room, she calls out, "Hello?" "Hello?" "Is anybody there?" I have gone to her room to ask her what she needs and she says, "I didn't call you." If ever there was a surefire way to drive a person mad, this is it. I am at least glad that there are other people who are experiencing the same thing -- I'm not -- but I am, if you know what I mean. I'm sorry that other people experience it, but because I have to, I'm glad I'm not alone. It is more than tough. It is the hardest job, ever. I have SOME help but it's never at the time I really need it. It takes time to schedule someone. By the time I've made all of the arrangements, the crisis of needing space right then is past. I love my Mom but she was hard to live with in my childhood and teenage years. I was so glad to finally move out of her house. Now she is 93 and living with me, and some of the old personality traits are still there: the inability to empathize, the inability to "give room" or "space", the inability to just be at peace. If I've made her understand that I need a break, it comes at a great price. She sulks and plays the martyr just because I need to lay down for awhile. So some of this is her age and some of it is just her. It's a tough spot. I have tried to keep her out of a nursing home just because my experience with my Dad showed me how negligent they can be. But some days I am THIS CLOSE to giving up. It really takes an entire TEAM of people to handle just one elderly person, I'm positive. I live in another town from my closest relative, a move I made because I love the rural atmosphere. But at the same time, with an elderly person to care for, it would be so nice if family were just down the street or at least in the same town. We all want to be good daughters and sons and just shoulder the burden well, but it is SO hard. It shouldn't have to be this way; there should be shifts of people, and if one has the money, there can be, but -- we basically break even every month, even with the help I do hire. Sometimes I just want to scream, "THIS IS SO HARD!" So yes, at least here you can hear the voices of people who actually do go through some of what you go through. The names, faces, locations and specific conditions are unique, but the underlying thread is that this is crazy-making...