How to keep from going crazy while caring for your mother & not having a life?

I can relate to all of your stories as I too am sole caregiver for my mother who is 87. She has Dementia and Congestive Heart Failure as well as declining health issues due to aging. I am chained to the house for fear that leaving her alone for any length of time, she may fall down the stairs or forget to take her medicines. Depression and anxiety plague me daily as I try to get mom to take an interest in things other than sitting on the couch watching old movies or sleeping until 4:00pm. I feel so guilty when I allow her to sleep since the majority of time I am drained of all energy and find it difficult to clean house, cook, grocery shop, take care of the dog, etc. I cry just about everyday wondering how much longer mom will be able to sustain her health. I worry about the reverse mortgage she has on her home and where I will live once she passes on. The house will go to the bank and neither mom nor I have any investments or assets saved for emergencies. My brother is no help and is in denial. He probably thinks since I live here I can do it all alone without financial help or physically getting someone to come in and help. I have found that family and friends often run the other way when you need help the most. My only hope is my faith in Christ and trust that he is in control and will hopefully reward me for taking on this responsibility. The Bible clearly states that we must honor our parents and after all as I look back, she has helped me through many crisis situations. So, fellow caregivers, we are doing the Lord's work if this is any consolation, and if we look at it in this light then the burden becomes a little lighter.

I'm also caring for my elderly mother and currently without a life outside the home. Sometimes I wonder if it's all my own doing. I know my sister and brother would have refused, and would have either hired someone or placed her in a facility. Personally I've always been a do-it-yourself type and never like paying money for something I think I can do myself just as well. :)

That said, I know it's not for everyone. A lot depends upon your ability to be by yourself, and still find enriching things to do. I doubt I could have survived this without the internet and my Kindle. I'm fortunate that my mother doesn't require that I be in the same room with her, so I'm able to go off and read, or sew, or watch movies. I find it helps to schedule yourself a little bit, if your into that sort of thing. Maybe an hour reading, and hour looking up recipes, and hour cooking, an hour watching a movie...that sort of thing.

I'm older (63), and a bit of a loner, so I realize this would be much more difficult for a younger, more sociable person. Which is why I don't fault my siblings—everyone has different social needs. It HAS taken a while to adapt myself to not being able to come and go as I please. But change is a part of life, so I ask myself — can I deal with this right now? So far, the answer is yes, but it really does come down to taking things one day at a time. I wish the best for you and your mom!

My heart goes out to you. I am in the same situation that you are and am going crazy too. Mom has dementia and has had brain surgeries from a fall that she had and I feel like I am the one losing my mind and health. Mom is to be evaluated by a nurse and social worker from an aging care agency today. Part of that is to get some relief and get out a little bit, but she does not allow me out of her sight. I actually took a bathroom break and stopped by the computer to glance at something and she came on the hunt of me! If I go outside, she is constantly going to the doors and windows hunting for me! It is like Mom's body, but she just isn't in it. Just to let you know that you are not alone and my prayers are with you because it is a tough life. Please let us know how you are doing, because we care when you think no one else does. Take care!

Going crazy is part of the job.... sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed... we can relate.... and most are doing this job alone also.... surley there is a way to get the injections, possibly you can pay for that part yourself??? I don't know how that works.... others will post and possibly have some suggestions .... come back and let us know how you are doing.... we care... and most of us are already crazy... so you'll feel right at home... hugs...

If you have time to be on the computer, try Second Life. It helps even to have contact with online friends. I have made some wonderful friends there. Take care and hope you get some respite soon!

Thank EVERYONE that gave such good ideas, encouragement & support. I see there are so many of us out there. I have only been at this place for 4 days I am so glad I found it!. I felt so isolated before. We all have to just stick together and make it through. I'm going to look into some of the ideas & tips & Medicaid info that were mentioned. I read some that I had not even tried or even thought about as a possibility. I work full-time and here is just about the only "group" place I can come to to talk. The Home Health agencies I have spoken with will not allow their aides to give shots or even eye-drops or check blood sugar - so I will have to find a private person for that. I go home everday on my lunch break to give my mother her insulin. My Mom cannot see well enough to check her blood sugar or to give herself the injection and she also is a "brittle" diabetic her blood sugar can drop or run high. She has heart condition also & other conditions just due to aging. I was just notified today that Respite hours were approved through Medicaid!! So now I just need to find someone that can give the injections and I can try to arrange to take some time off for myself. I will get her Dr. to write orders on the insulin and try that too to see if I can get approved somehow through Medicaid. Also will look into Adult Daycare. I know God is with us. I wish Blessings for all of you........

U or mom have past or current church involvement? Many have parish nurse programs, they may be able to give the shots in your absence, or give some referrals. Many communities have some friendly visitor programs or sliding fee respite. Check w area aging agency-they can give some overview or referrals. Also hospice might offer something secondary to dad's passing. Also, neighbors or co workers who are nurses or have siblings that are nurses. Ask around!!! Good luck. Ladee's right-we've all gone crazy-welcome to the club!

Going crazy at times is part of it! I am the caregiver to mom and dad. They are both dependant on me fulltime. I had to give everything up in my life to do this but I am a firm believer that it is my job!! I have a sister but she doesn't help at all. She might visit once a month if that. Just hang in there and take one day at a time! You will be greatly rewarded for your efforts!!! Right now just be blessed that you are able! They did the same for you at one time.

I am in the same boat with my husband. One day at a time.

similiar experience with ours....
my dad is Denentia patient, my mum is the main caregiver, i and my sister will take turn at nite....he'll search4us if one of us not in his sight....the others will lie to him that i'm bathing, while actually i'm out for activities....
pray for all of us, both patient and caregivers, which can get a balance in our lives.
the patient will seek for us as he lack of safety and feel lonely. try get him/her busy in something, like telling them story, make them think thru conversation, pass the Bible for them to read, etc....
we're trying our best, everyday, to accompany him.
God is always with us, don't worry :)