I am here to ask advice how to manage this hard situstion our family is having to face. We are family of 5 , my first born is very hurt physically and require 24/7 care I do it all myself at home, therapies, personal care, homeschool her and her 2 younger siblings. I dont need to explain how financially, physically and emotionally draining for a family with medically challenged child. Before kids, my husband looked after and supported his parents even helped his brothers when they needed him. Now both his brothers have good life earn well, kids graduated from uni and working unlike us who struggle daily to pay bills. Their mum is 85 need their financial support. After her fall over Christmas and broken hip , she stayed with us and my husband cared for her till she recovered and was ready to go home but cannot be on her own and must provide out of pocket assisted living for her. My brothers in law didn't bother sitting and talk about. They just sent my husband, their brother an email with a list of their mom's financial expenses, house rent, live in carer, medication... and suggested it is only fair the total to be split among the three of them as their duty to care for their mum for the few years left for her to live happy. Now please know that we always provided and still physical and emotional support, send meals over, we help as much as we can, but is it fair to be asked to share the cost of care when they know our financial situation and what we go through? My friends with Special need kids rely on family friends for support . We never asked for anything. But it always helped when my thoughtful mum and siblings who live in another country and only speak to them on skype because I cannot afford to travel to see them send monitory gifts, nice clothes for my kids on various occasions, even some of my close friends help out treating the kids, taking them out, preparing meals and coming over, because they know what we go through. Not my husband's family, they live close by but they never offered any help. Still they relied on me hosting family dinners paying for it all... my nephew will come with an envelope offerinng help for christmas dinners, my kids first ipad, most of their clothes, my special need daughter hot tub... all were gifts from my side of the family and few close friends, nothing from the uncles. And I was fine with it. I watch them travel overseas on holiday, eat out, party... and never considering helping us. And now they are asking us to help them care for their mum. I feel so sorry for my husband he aged so much in last week, stressed worried, and complaining about anything we buy even a 5 dollars floating ring I got my son before we go on a local boat trip in the river. I asked him what is bothering him and I found out about their email to him. He told me we need to be super careful because he has more responsabilities now. He thinks he has to do it because he is her son too, even if he cannot afford it, even if it meant possibly stopping some of our daughter therapies so we can pay our share of care as the brothers requested. Please don't think I am selfish and trying to run away from responsibility, the load on us all these years is not easy and we cannot carry more. It is very important for my kids, and for me to stay in good term with the family, I live overseas far from my own family so I don't want to lose this one. How I can make them understand that we cannot help without upsetting them. I mean what to explain if they cannot see it themselves my husband said, if all these years they cannot see what we go through, they don't get it. I am reaching out hoping you can advice me what to say how to approach them and avoid family troubles.