Mom is 82, resides alone in a rural area. I live nearby thus much but not all falls to me in caregiving. Our family dynamic has been she favored my brother and his family. To the point of buying a house, free for them about 15 years ago. My understanding was he helped mom out handyman type situations. (I wasn't included in the loop.) Fast forward to now.
Mom has lost her filters and is hateful,mean and disagrees to bathe, change clothes etc. Only if my brother comes, will she go along with him, most of the time. He resides over an hr away and works FT and has a lot of vacations and other things he does. Brother gets frustrated with me because I can't get mom on board with something and blames me frequently for his having to drive down to take her to the Dr or Groc. Etc...
Last month, after he and I had words over the situation again, I ended up in the hospital for a week. UTI and mental exhaustion. Burnout. (I'm a retired nurse but as always, my care comes last. Even my mom expresses that. Yep. Lol..) Mom runs me down verbally and accuses me of stealing frequently. She was not openly kind or loving towards me thru the years but this abusive nature has left me completely empty. Especially if my brother gets on my case about helping her.
He recently became her POA and moved $20,000 into his name only. She insisted that I was stealing checks and buying food. Which I had to laugh about. I wasn't but he and she were shopping and she forgets. Or she gives him funds, then I take the blame for the transaction. It got insane. I have recently tried to explain to him and her how I feel about their treatment etc. Typically, he says nothing. Mom will mock me and tell me what a jealous hateful daughter I am and "poor pitiful you" and get hateful. For almost a year I have tried to set up a contract to work for her and receive small pay as I have as a nurse. Only to have her refuse to pay me or something like that. He tries to ignore the fact that I should even consider being paid. Which is hurtful because he plays up the Golden child image which denegrates me to her.
Today, I can barely get my mind going I'm so despondent and just ready to give up.
My children are far away in other states and are weary of hearing about Grandma. Especially my son, "it is just drama and he doesn't want anything to do with it". When I was hospitalized, I thought I had a handle on this. Now a month later I'm struggling so very bad.